I have a good friend, P., who dearly loves her pets. She has 16 cats, 4 dogs, 2 Sulcata tortoises (one is over 100 pounds and the other is about 30), 2 hamsters, and over 30 mice (got two “male” mice, by the time everything was sorted out there had been a whole lot of inbreeding.) She also has a hard time throwing things away - she has bales of used clothing and many different odds and ends that she is saving for “art projects.” To be blunt, her home is a horrible mess.
For the safety of the lab mice I work with, I avoid rodents wild or domesticated. When P got the hamsters, I just declined handling them when I was visiting. For the mouse boom, I helped her sort the animals by sex (wearing gloves and clothes I would not wear to work). I told her that I will not risk my job by being around these mice and encouraged her to get in touch with a local “fancy mouse” group for information and to place the animals. (P. is dead set against euthanizing them.)
Now that I’m pregnant, being around rodents of unknow serology (ROUS’s ) is even more dangerous. Is there a good way to tell someone that you can’t visit them because their house is dangerous?
“I really like you, obviously you know I am a good friend, but while you have the mice et al, I’m not going to be able to come by. I’m sure you understand…” Oh and my house is always open for coffee and tea if you wish…"
A friend once told me that she wouldn’t be coming over to my multi-cat house during her pregnancy because she was worried about toxoplasmosis. She told me in a pleasant and straightforward fashion without implying that my home was a plague-ridden hellhole, and I took no offense whatsoever.
I would just focus on the animals and keep the topic away from her housecleaning habits.
When she invites you over, say something like, “Oh, I’d love to spend some time with you, but I’m too nervous being around all your pets right now. Why don’t you come over here/I meet you at Starbuck’s/we go to lunch?” In the ideal world run by Miss Manners, that’s all the explanation you need to offer. (More, actually since just, “I’d love to spend some time with you, let’s meet here.” is enough, and anyone who pushes you with a “why” is being the rude one.)
If she pushes, 'cause that’s what friends do, just tell her that there’s some indication that being around more than two animals while pregnant increases the risk of pet allergies and asthma in the baby, or of toxo infection, and you’re being a neurotic worrier, 'cause that’s what moms do.
To be really blunt, your friend sounds like a hoarder.
I don’t think she “dearly loves her pets” any more than she dearly loves the bales of used clothing.
You don’t acquire 16 cats, 4 dogs, 2 turtles, 2 hamsters and 30 mice if you dearly love your pets. There’s simply no way to adequately care for that many animals.
I’ve been worried about her mental health and the well-being of the animals.
I lived with her for a couple of years and we had arguments about all the pets and junk. (We captured a stray cat once because it looked like one of the house cats. The stray was friendly and no one in the neighborhood claimed her. I put an add up at work and found a home for the cat. P. didn’t talk to me for a week because of this.)
It seems like other Dopers have the etiquette suggestions well in hand, but I’d like to mention that pet rodent rescue/adoption groups do exist, and the internet has made the process all much easier. 6 of my own 9 pet rats (over the years) have been adopted from rescue groups. The volunteers screen the new adopters (so no adopted pets become snake food, etc) and have been, in my experience, great people.
I dearly love sulcatas, but I hate to see the tiny adorable babies in pet stores. You KNOW people who buy them are by and large not going to be prepared for a huge tortoise.
) is even more dangerous. Is there a good way to tell someone that you can’t visit them because their house is dangerous?
