Your Kids Can't Have Toys...? (mild)

The BBQ Pit
1

My oldest son plays with the neighbour’s boys from a few doors down. They are always very nice, albeit stern, but all-in-all good kids. They are home-schooled by their Mom and seem well educated for their age. They cut lawns & shovel snow for extra money with their Mom always acting as pit boss. (OK, that’s not usual, but its not weird really. While I wouldn’t do it, I can see where it teaches responsibility.)

My Son has quite a few toys. For a while, Mrs. QM was getting him one every time she took him with her on a Saturday’s shopping (we’ve since talked about it and that has stopped). OK, my son has just about every cool toy Toys R Us has for his age group…but we’re very strict on making him put his toys away when done, etc.

Now the boys down the block don’t have a lot of toys and sometimes my boy asks if he can take his down there. They play well together and I’ve never had an issue with it. I certainly wasn’t trying to show off or anything…I just figured kids play so what the heck? I meant for no bad blood to grow…we may choose to raise our kids slightly differently, but they play great together.

Which brings me to yesterday. I pull into my driveway and my son comes running up screaming “Daddy, daddy…!” Its a real life Crest commercial moment and I’ll be damned if I’m going to apologise for loving every second of it. He shows me the Happy Meal toy from BK and then says he and Duncan are going to play some more before dinner. Duncan is right there, which is an oddity…he never comes over to our yard. Duncan gives me a smile & engages me in conversation.

We talk about the weather, etc, until he gets to business. Out from his pocket comes a Toys R Us receipt for $100.00 credit.
“I can let you have it for $90.” he says. Now every siren in my head is screaming ‘scam’ or ‘stolen goods’, so very diplomatically I tell him that my wife & I have decided not to get my son any more toys until Christmas and that while I appreciate the offer, I have to decline.

He said “Oh, OK.” and went in playing with my son. I watched them play and then walked into the front door of my house to my wife in the kitchen and related what happened. I asked her if she though that it was some sort of ‘scam’. She replied, “No. They just don’t let their kids have any toys. Someone must have given him a toy and his parents made him return it for the money. This has happened before and I helped him out for like $20.00…but never something this big.”

It’s at this point my jaw hits the floor. No Toys? At All? WTF is Up with That? Its bad enough that we’re trying to turn kids into adults way before their time but this I just couldn’t rationalize.

“Are you Serious?” I asked her. “Who the hell are these people to do that to their kids? Is their Mom’s maiden name Berger-Meister-Meister-Berger or what?” (Which is quite terribly ironic as they soak us to by a wreath from them every year instead of a fresh one from where we get our tree).

“Listen,” she said, “They’re from the Mid-West…its a Mid-Western thing and try as you might, you’ll never be able to understand it. Evidently it’s a Very common practice and you’ve seen how good their kids are.”

Now here’s where I need to post a thread…and your opinions are sorely needed. First, I admit I give my boy too many toys…and I’m working on correcting that. But am I out of line to think it borders on Scrooge to raise your children in a toy-less environment and Make Them Take The Toys They Get As Gifts back to the store to get the money? And secondly, can someone please de-bunk this theory that this is a Mid-Western Mindset that no one who wasn’t born there can possibly understand?

PS- If the mod thinks this isn’t Pit Worthy, I’m OK if you move it.

2

Born and raised in Minneapolis, and I have never known a family to deny their children toys.

3

Gotta be more to it. Gotta.

maybe it was a particular type of toy momma didn’t want the kid to have?

4

I’ve seen that they have: Baseball gloves, Baseball bats & Baseballs; a Basketball net and a Basket ball; and bicycles all around. That’s it. Have also been told that they don’t own a TV.

5

Uh, no. I suspect that the parents are simply very conservative, very religious (maybe fundie?), and don’t let their kids have “worldly” or “junk” toys. No electronics, no Barbies, no war toys, etc.

6

Born and raised just east of lno, and all the kids in my neighborhood had toys. I’m not sure if this carries over to the rest of the midwest or even the nation, but from what I’ve seen, people who home school, in my experience, tend to be right wing wacky. At least in my neighborhood.

7

Isn’t there some kind of religion that doesn’t allow their children to have toys, observe halloween, stuff like that? Jehovah’s Witness, maybe?

8

Pardon me, but isn’t cash pretty darn worldly? I have know a few folks whose beliefs held that the kids couldn’t have various types of playthings, but they didn’t return gifts and just turn over a wad of cash to the kids (in the form of negotiable notes of any kind). The people like this that I have been aquainted with used every opportunity to further their unique belief system by making the kids pick out something truly boring and uninspiring but sensible (to them anyway, I mean I keep toys on my desk at work) and usually letting everyone around them know just how they handled this situation. Pretty soon the kids wound up receiving lots of lovely handkerchiefs on gift-giving occasions. In short, this smells of rotting fish, IMO.

9

It sounds like the kids have things to play with (bikes, baseball stuff), and friends to play with. I think it sounds as if they are being raised very well indeed.

Throughout most of history kids got by playing with sticks, sand, climbing trees and pretending. I remember reading how incredibly precious one homemade doll could be because it was the only toy a child had, so it was valued.

In my experience, kids with lots of toys come to think of them as not too valuable. If one breaks, it’s OK because you have 100 more.

I have 3 kids and another on the way. We have some toys, but too many for my taste, although probably fewer than most children.

When my son recently had his 6th birthday I wrote on the invitation to please not bring any presents. I got hassled to no end for this (although it’s been my practice for years). I asked guests not to bring presents because I want him to love his birthday party because he gets to see and play with friends. Because it’s a celebration. Because it’s fun to have family around and play party games. Because it’s exciting to blow out the candles on your own birthday cake.

But I’ve been to children’s parties where the focus is on ‘what did you bring me?’ and it’s no fun.

My kids love to play outside, make a fort out of blankets and chairs, pretend to be sharks, play with the guinea pig, try to make their own kite, and race on their bikes.

You don’t need many toys (or even any at all) to raise happy, healthy kids. I don’t see the problem at all.

10

Another Midwesterner here. Born in Indianapolis, raised in Norther Indiana. I’ve also recently lived in Ohio and Western Pennsylvania. I have never seen or heard of the no-toys thing.

As others have said, it sounds like it’s simply a prohibition, religious or otherwise on “commercial” toys.

11

Raised in Chicago. We were certainly toy-centric.

12

Born in the Chicago area. Toy’d my brains out.

I’d have to go over and ask the woman. I’d just have to. I need to know why NO toys are acceptable. I can understand objecting to guns and some other stuff, but shit…basic toys? Bats, balls, board games? I’d just have to ask.

13

I’ve seen just as many left-wing wacky. I think wacky is generally the real home school common denominator.

14

First, I’d like to thank everyone from the Mid West that posted that Toys are OK. Thank You!!! (I was getting a bit scared 'til I heard from you) 3 Cheers for the Mid West, people!!!

Second, while I’m praying that Scarlett67 and NurseCarmen are wrong about them being Fundies and a bit whacky, they may well be on to something.

and Autz, while I admire your idea in theory, I’d have to be a lot more Teutonic in my thinking to raise my boy your way. Still, I wish you luck when you implement your plan. You might find it harder to do then you think.

Someone in my office suggested that, since she’s home schooling, she might find toys a distraction and hence the bikes & out doors sports games. Its a possibility…or maybe she wants them out of the house except for schoolwork, meals, and sleep.

Sperfur, you’re a scary man to tell me they might be Jehovas Witnesses on a Friday Night. Exactly how much sleep do you think I’m going to get tonight thinking that they’ll be pounding my door at sunrise tomorrow?

15

Shoot, Kalhoun snuck in there. He did say that they had bats, balls, gloves. etc. Wouldn’t surprise me if they have art supplies or musical “toys” as well, all things that encourage kids to “do” things, rather than all that useless pretending.

And quietman , why don’t you ask your son what else they have? If he’s been to their house, he might be able to give you a better report of what the real deal is.

16

…“useless pretending?”

Man, you can’t teach imagination. All you can do is foster it and hope your kid has some to begin with.

Far be it from me to tell anyone how to raise their kids… but the first law of advertising is this: “Tell Them They Can’t Have It, And They’ll Want It.” Show me a kid who was denied something normal as a child, and I’ll show you an adult who has GI Joes all over his computer monitor.

And if these children are denied toys… what are they spending the money they get for those vouchers on? Bubblegum cards? New baseball mitts?

17

Born, raised and still living near Detroit, had plenty of toys and so does my son and every child I know.

Even if the parents want to deny pre-packaged type non-imagination toys, Toys’R’Us gift reciepts could still be used to purchase more sporting equipment,books, art supplies, even school supplies. What does the mother expect the child to do with a gift check if she doesn’t allow him to use it at all? Is she condoning his bartering it for cash, then? What will he be allowed to use the cash for, even?

Very strange.

18

Maybe they’re Mennonites.

19

My guess is that the money is being put into savings for college.

Just the same… no ‘silly’ toys?
wow.

20

I’d like to support Wang-Ka’s point. As a child, I was denied toys… to the point where if I purchased them for myself, I had to hide them, and if found, they were donated to the local children’s hospital. And I’m talking under floorboards, behind hundred pound furniture, and so on.

You don’t want to know my toy budget. You really don’t. But I know why I do it, and… heck, I’m happy. :slight_smile: