First: sorry this all happened man, that sucks.
Second: A + grade pitting. Extra points for the above digression.
Excellent pitting.
You should be writing for a living.
Best response.
Good rant, but just because you saw the assailant texting after he fish tailed you doesn’t mean he was texting WHILE driving. Could it be possible he was texting his significant other to let her know he was in an accident. Was he texting his attorney.
The other driver clearly was at fault but more info needed before I can make a ruling on the douchosity of the charged. Thank you. GAVEL
I don’t understand how you hurt your head in front with a rear end collision. Airbags generally don’t deploy in rear end collisions, but shouldn’t it have done so when your car hit the one in front?
If you have any trouble with getting the douchebag to pay for all your damages, and pain and suffering, of course, your lawyer can subpoena his phone’s text history. Maybe the threat alone would facilitate settlement. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
I too was the victim of a smart phone user. We were both at an intersection where the lights allow one direction to go at a time. She was going east from a parkway exit, and I was going south, stopped underneath the parkway. We were both stopped with red lights for about a minute. Then, it was my direction’s turn, my light turned green. But she was busy looking at her schedule on her phone, and just registered that there was movement, so she punched the gas.
She managed to get up to speed enough to T-bone my car mostly on the right rear door (and a little to the front passenger door). Set off the side-curtain airbags, spewing dust all over my daughter. On my 3-month old car, I ended up with almost $11,000 in damage; her car got a few red paint smears on the bumper.
When we finally got a cop on scene (an hour!), she did admit to being distracted by her phone. But she got no ticket, even though our city has a specific law against texting and driving.
The good news:
Her insurance company paid (besides for the repairs [5 weeks] and rental car) $500 for my daughter’s injury and trauma (a little seat belt bruise). I also filed a diminished value claim, which are notoriously hard to get settled. The agent I was dealing with kept giving me the runaround, saying my documents were insufficient. I gave up on it (since the car was actually pretty much repaired perfectly), but then a new agent was given my case, since I had never actually closed my claim. The new agent apologized and said that the best they could do for my claim was $3,800 (!). Desperately trying to cover my glee, I stoically said that settling for that amount was acceptable. ($3,800!)
Since we had a lien on the car, all we could do is apply the $3,800 to our loan, but it takes about a year off our payments.
How did the pizza fare?
Sorry to hear about the accident, Pizza Guy. It sounds like you’re as good as new except for the scar – glad to hear that.
I told him the same two years ago when he posted his fake death reveal in a Mafia game.
That wouldn’t’ve worked either. Stupid bint who rear-ended my Chevy Metro in Sacramento (yes, I do wish that were the name of a band instead of my ride) was too busy yakkety-yakkety-yakking on her cellphone to notice that I was at the tail-end of a bunch of stationary vehicles, stationary because we were all stopped for the red light (which, apparently, didn’t mean to her what it means to anyone with an actual, functioning brain). Ignorant schlump didn’t even bother to stop talking to whoever it is that is so much more important that not trying to kill people at random.
ETA: Awesome OP. No spelling errors, no grammatical errors (other than the intentional ones in the hypothetical oh-so-important texts), and, best of all, great use of the language to disparage someone who is too stupid to live, yet, somehow manages to live and cause havoc to others who, in fact, are not as moronic as said someone.
Saw a pizza delivery guy in Busan get arrested one night for driving his scooter while under the influence. He was driving away from the pizza joint and the very first intersection up the big ol’ hill had a police DUI checkpoint. My first thought was, “What about the pizza?”
I didn’t even think about a diminished value claim. If I’m ever again in an accident, especially one not my fault, I’ll definitely look into filing such. I say this because my car over its life ended up with a grand total of two accidents. When I tried to sell the thing to a used car dealer, they checked its history and every dealership told me, “Sorry. Can’t take it if it has two accidents. It’s unsellable as far as we’re concerned.” Yep, I was still paying the thing off when it was collided with.
Ever seen someone text while riding a bike? I have, several times.
Good Lord, how??
My just-paid-off toyota truck was totalled while I was waiting at a traffic light. A BMW hit a Jaquar so hard that it wedged it under the back wheels of my truck and cause me to hit the car in front of me.
The driver of the brand-spanking-new BMW…had meant to hit the brakes but mistakenly hit the gas.
Just saying the guy could be an idiot without texting being involved.
While I’m totally in agreement with the rage about texting/talking/and otherwise using cell phones while driving, when I got hit by a smartphone using bint, her phone got broken in the accident because it flew out of her hands.
So, it is possible that the idiot that hit you was just too stupid to operate a moving vehicle. Sadly, this is not against the law.
I also learned from a troll err, quickly banned person, that threatening to shove a phone up someone’s butt is a death threat. Do be warned 
That was an entertaining read - sorry it was about something bad happening.
Glad you’re okay PizzaGuy… well, barring the scar that is.
Sorry about the Maliboo-boo 
See bolded. In my car (a 2004 Chevy, as it happens) that sign is on the back of the sun visor, which the OP already admitted had snapped off the first week he had it. So maybe we can cut them a little slack on that;)
Your life is just not that important, asshole.
I’ve added this bumper sticker to my car (replacing the somewhat dated Yosemite Sam “BACK OFF”).
I added it to my above above ground swimming pool.
For a second there I thought “Bint” was a smartphone app. “Sent from my smartphone using bint!”