Your life is just not that important, asshole.

This one is about two months overdue. But for legal reasons, I was told I shouldn’t talk about the accident.

On May 30th of this year, as I was waiting at a red light, a person who was not even looking in the direction their vehicle was facing plowed into my car at, I’m guessing, 40 miles per hour. Didn’t even slow down. Didn’t swerve until they were already 3 feet away from the trunk of my car.

Thanks to the wonders of modern automobile manufacturing, my air bag did not deploy, as it was a rear-end collision. So, I have a nice scar on my forehead that will never go away. My car, which I spent 17,000 dollars on over the past six years or so, only just recently acquired the title to, was completely totaled.

So, I’m expecting some asshole drunk driver to stumble out of their vehicle. Or perhaps someone who has a grudge against the 04 Chevy Malibu. I understand their pain, having owned a Chevy Malibu and being stunned that it began falling apart literally the week I bought it, the sun visor snapping the fuck off in my hand. I’m not some insane steroid-taking bodybuilder athlete. The only part of my body that I’m building is the fat content on my lazy gut. But the freaking thing snapped off in my hands while I’m adjusting it, normally. And it was more money than it was worth to repair it, so I drove the next several years without a sun visor. But I digress. Chevy Malibus are a piece of shit on wheels. But it was MY P.O.S. on wheels, dammit.

So I want to know why the hell I have to take a trip to the hospital with the only vein visible on my forehead being severed, and bleeding down my face, and seeing 17,000 dollars worth of vehicle get totaled. And I see my car has hit the car in front of me too, and that vehicle needs extensive repairs now. And I see the prick’s vehicle, and his is definitely totaled as well. Very nice vehicle, all smashed to fuck.

Asshole is uninjured of course, because his airbag deployed.

Anyway, as I’m preparing to leave for the hospital, I see that this guy is definitely not intoxicated in any way. So the cause of the accident was, obviously, Not Paying Fucking Attention. Appears to be dressed in very nice clothes. Still furiously texting on his goddamn phone. What conclusion should I draw? Most people who are driving down a very long, very straight road at night, and are coming up on a red light, are looking in the forward direction, but something obviously held this guy’s attention and I wonder what the hell it could possibly be.

Now, I wasn’t there in the car with him. I very nearly was, considering his vehicle was an SUV and went halfway the fuck through my vehicle. But I’m going to take a wild guess. You were texting while you were driving, weren’t you, fuckface?

So thank you very much for sending that text to whomever. I’m sure it was really goddamned important.

“Meet u l8tr. Hook me up wit dat reefer. LOL Smiley face WTFBBQ Holy shit I’m gonna hit dis car”

I’m so glad that your conversation with whoever was so important that you couldn’t be bothered to frigging call them so you can direct your eyes to the road. I know that your text was much more important than your life and the lives of several other people. I know, for a fact, that if you didn’t send that text right fucking then, there would have been another 9/11. Fifty thousand dollars worth of automobile replacements, hospital visits, legal fees, and you could have killed someone, that’s all a small price to pay for you to have the privilege of telling someone the most important thing they ever heard, which is some combination of LOL, wat up homes, yo text me back, smiley face, what you doing right now.

This shit is really goddamned important. Or am I being too critical? What is it that you could possibly be texting that is of any consequence?

Nobody died. That would have been a phone call. You didn’t just get a promotion. That would have been a phone call. You didn’t just win the lottery. You didn’t discover cancer using the research lab you have in the backseat of your car, so what the hell could possibly be so important it couldn’t warrant waiting until you got home? Until your vehicle was actually stopped at that same red light, 15 seconds later? Until you reached your fucking index finger all the way over to the fucking call button so you could call that person and WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU WERE GOING??

I hope you continue texting and driving, and just as you are finished typing “Yo wat up g” your vehicle hits a telephone pole and you go straight through the windshield, and they never find all the pieces of your shattered skull. If I could get away with it, I would find a metal fragment that used to be part of my car, and I would carve my name on your fucking forehead, so deep, that no amount of surgeries will ever repair the damage. Then, I’m going to take your phone, type the words “fuck you”, and shove it up your ass.

I <3 you. :slight_smile:

A+ Good Pit.
Would read again.

Back in 1994(?) I was waiting to turn left into my company parking lot on returning from lunch, in the left lane (no turn lane there) in a 45 zone. This woman came up behind me, looking at herself in her rear view mirror, and slammed into my 1986 Mazda B2000 pickup at full speed. Drove the rear bumper nearly to the ground. Bounced me hard off the window behind me. Fortunately, I saw her at the last second and stood on the brakes, so I wasn’t thrown into the path of the cement mixer coming the other way.

The woman wasn’t wearing her seat belt and bounced off her windshield, a bit bloodied for her trouble.

We pulled off onto the side road between my company and the candy factory next door. Fortunately, we were 1 mile from the Hospital, and the car behind her was an EMT on his way to work. Unfortunately, this little road was directly on the line between St. Louis Park (MN) and Hopkins. A police car drove right past us, ignored us trying to flag it down, and went out of it’s way to go through a parking lot to avoid having to come back past us.

When I called 911 from the office nearby, the police were actively refusing to accept jurisdiction and respond. I shocked the hell out of the receptionist by launching into a profanity laden screaming tirade demanding that they respond because people were injured and there was going to be hell to pay in court if they continued to refuse me. An officer showed up about 3-5 minutes later.

The woman refused to go to the hospital. At the time, I was so worked up I wasn’t hurting. I went in to work to report back. About an hour or two later, my entire back decided that yes, it was traumatized. I made it down to the hospital and got looked at, and made it home, where I called a tow truck to come get my truck and take it to the shop. My back hurt (muscles really) for about a week.

About a month later I got something in the mail that indicated that the woman had been charged with a couple of things (no seat belt, failure to yield (or something like that) and some form of inattentive or careless driving). They asked me to fill out a form as my testimony to the events, and that was it for me. I never heard anything back.

Then of course, locally we have the tale of Amy Sensor, wife of Joe Sensor (former NFL player) who hit and killed a man and damn near got away with it. Different justice for the rich and famous.

I once saw the driver of a (empty) school bus completely miss the left turn signal (the one car that was in front of her long gone) because she was staring at her phone.

Of course, there was no honking behind her, because no one could see in front of her to see what I did, but it did make me wonder just how often the driver did this, and how long she stayed at that intersection…

That OP is awesome, I had to pull over cuz I was LOLing so hard!

I hope you sue him into the poorhouse

I had a similar experience, just last Friday.

Someone’s car came out of gear in a parking lot and sideswiped my Mustang! It scratched some paint, and loosened the bumper a little, and the woman’s insurance was all up to speed and she’s going to pay the $360 it’ll take to repair my car that I’ve been driving around fine since the accident, and I don’t have a scar on my head to boot … but otherwise, it was just like that!

I approve of the OP and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. Or marry you.

Excellent and well deserved pit. I’m glad you are pretty much all right.
Do you know if the asshole got a ticket at least? Is texting while driving legal where you are? In California it comes with a whopping fine. (Not whopping enough.)
Definitely talk to a lawyer. When my wife got hit by a red light running moron, the lawyer got all her medical bills paid, including rehab. That he was texting is a smoking gun. Get as much as you can.
In some countries drivers who do stuff like this get pulled out of their cars by witnesses and get the snot beaten out of them. Sometimes I think it would be a good custom for us to take up.

I hope you learned your lesson. No more Malibus.

I hate to rain on your MPSIMS love fest, but were you wearing your seatbelt and shoulder strap? You car has at least one sign that tells how air bags alone cannot protect you in all accidents, and a belt might’ve saved your face from getting all uglied up.

(stepping off the soapbox, shocked that nobody IN THE PIT had made that obnoxious comment before me)

OTOH, chicks dig scars.

You had me at “the sun visor snapping the fuck off in my hand.” We’ll done, sir.

Doh! That’s WELL done.

She was convicted.

If she weren’t rich and famous what would have happened? “The bailiff may fire when ready?”

Can I be the asshole who asks if this means that someone didn’t get their pizza?

great pit btw

Well played, sir.

Ha, ha, ha, ha! “What The Fuck Barbie-Q”. :smiley:

Great pit! I only charge my phone in my car, never use it. Whatever someone wants, they can wait, just like they did back in the '70s/'80s. I hope this guy’s insurance paid for everything.

I don’t possess the eloquence to describe my disgust with “mobile devices” and the tech-addicted Monkey-Punchers who use them while driving. :mad:

I swear, I’m in fear of my life every time I hit the pavement. Got hit years ago by a cunt-pimple yacking on her cell phone. Extremely close to ‘Pining for the Fjords’ that day, not to mention losing a very nice and rare motorcycle.

I stand with Askthepizzaguy.

Years ago, back when it was legal, I was driving, well a cell phone in one hand, talking to someone. Work related, and it made a difference where I went next. Really, the sort of thing that mobile phones were invented for.

And, yeah, I was distracted, and, yeah, I swerved, and came close to changing lanes involuntarily, and, yeah, it was unsafe. I figured that out at the time, and never used a mobile device again while driving.

I absolutely support the law that bans this. I know it isn’t safe. I could well have died from it. (Mighty glad I didn’t!)

Hope the pig-ignorant jackanapes pays for your car!