Your Momma Is So Fat...

when she hauls butt she has to make two trips.

…that she is in serious danger of some obesity-related maladies such as heart problems and diabetes.

A variation on this:

Your daddy’s so fat, then when he goes to a football game, they use his belt to mark the first downs.

…she displaces more water in a pool than less fat mamas.

Yo momma’s so fat she brought a spoon to the Super bowl.

Yo momma’s so fat, that when I wanted to get on her good side I had to take the bus.

Yo momma’s so fat, she has low self-esteem!

Yo momma’s so fat, her Patronus is a cheesecake.

Yo momma’s so fat, I saw her go to the all-you-can-eat buffet and pull up a chair.

Yo momma’s so fat, I saw her go to another restaurant and the waiter handed her the menu. She looked through it and gave it back to him and said, “OK”.

The obvious one:

When she sits around the house, she sits around the house!

Your Momma’s so fat…

…Jabba the Hutt told her she needs to diet.

…she’s the spherical cow in that joke about physicists.

…you never left home because you couldn’t escape her gravitational pull.

Yo Daddy so fat he turned the escalator into a sliding board.

Yo Daddy so fat the boy scouts borrowed his pants for a tent.

Yo Daddy so fat I told him it was chilly outside, he ran out there with a spoon!

Yo Daddy so fat his jumping jacks measure 2.0 on the Richter scale.

Yo Daddy so old and fat they found cave paintings in his belly button.

Yo Daddy so fat he has his own weather system.

Yo mamma’s so fat:

… When she walked in front of the TV, I missed two commercials

… It takes two Borg Cubes to assimilate her

Oh, so we’re not doing it one at a time?

when she dances she makes the band skip.

when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.

she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

her butt has its own congressman.

… Donald Trump wants to hire her to sit at the Mexican border. All of it.

… Thanos had to snap twice! (From Twitter via Tumblr, apparently from a kid)

…her blood type is rocky road

Yo Mama’s like a shotgun, one cock and she’s ready to blow

Your momma is so fat her blood type is gravy.

Your momma is so fat Ilsa Koch could make a pavillion canopy out of her.

Your momma is so fat she could feed all the Nights Watch on a ranging north of the Wall.

Your momma is so fat that we could make 1000 copies of the Necronomicon out of her.

You momma’s glasses be so thick that when she looks at a map, she sees people waving at her.

your momma so old and mean that when mumm-ra called on the ancient spirits of evil she picked up the phone

Yo momma is so fat, she free-bases ham.

… all the restaurants in town have signs that say: “Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama”

… when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

… when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

Yo momma’s so fat, when people say “Kool Aid” she comes busting through the wall.

Yo daddy’s so fat, when he eats at McDonalds they have to change the sign.

Yo momma’s so fat she’s on both sides of the family.

Yo daddy’s so fat he has to use a boomerang to put on his belt.