Your Most Surreal VIP Encounter

In My Humble Opinion
41

If the surreal aspect of this yarn doesn’t quite apply, maybe you just had to be there.

I’d been doing some communinty theater work and had played a couple of mental defectives convincingly (I know, type casting) and one of the crew guys recommended me to a local entrepreneur ad agency type who was wanting to do a homebrew movie about a college kid who goes berzerk and kills his landlady and anybody else passing by. He was using the “working title” of “Crazy For A Day.” The source material was a recent event in real life that made the papers and TV news.

I had some respect for this ad guy by way of noticing the clever commercials his firm had done for local TV.

I was supposed to meet him at a country club for dinner to talk over the movie deal. Managed to find a suit that fit, got all spruced up and got to the club and felt totally like a fish out of water. The meal was fine!

Meanwhile, across the table was Norman Dello Joio, a composer whose credits included “Air Power” and other reality-based shows of that ilk.

After shaking my hand when I arrived and instructing me to order whatever I wanted, the ad guy and the composer spent the rest of the evening discussing a symphony the ad guy was writing.

No further mention of the movie – ever. It was like a bad dream.

I did enjoy the meal – but I already said that.

I guess that event lasted all of my allotted 15 minutes, and then some.

42

Oh that reminds me of a friend’s neighbor! We were talking with him, (he was the same age as we were), and he was telling us about the time when his mother was little, she was sitting on her front step, eating a package of crackers, and JFK’s limo drove by and stopped to say hello. And then she held out the package and offered him some crackers.

JFK laughed and politely declined-but one of the Secret Service took almost the whole pack.

43

Sinead O’Connor bumped into my wife a couple of months ago. She did apologise, though. This was the same day that my wife was in a bar and spotted Johnny Knoxville sitting alone, until Bono came over and started talking to him.

44

My Aunt (who also met Maggie Thatcher on quite a few occasions, being heavily involved with the local Conservative party in Finchely, MT’s constituency) once saw Spike Milligan in the street, so she said to him something silly like “Your Spike Milligan, aren’t you?” to which he replied “Fuck off!” and walked away.

45

When he was a kid, my brother met Spike Milligan (backstage after a panto in Chichester Festival Theatre, so not really a random ‘sleb spot’). My bro asked “how do you keep your wig on?” Spike answered “with a nail”.

46

I sat in the booth next to Sharon Stone at a restaurant in San Francisco. Didn’t chat to her though; she was with hubby and getting a date didn’t look like a possibility.

Not really an encounter but saw Jack Nicholson arriving to the premiere of one of the Rugrats movies in LA. He really does look as cool in real life as he does on screen.

47

I don’t expect anyone but the Eurodopers to get this, but what the hell.

I was in a lift at Manchester Airport, returning to Dublin the day after Celtic had beat Blackburn Rovers in a UEFA Cup tie. There were about 20 of us in the lift, all Celtic supporters, most quite drunk - too drunk to notice that we’d missed our floor and had to go all the way up and back down again. Suddenly the doors open and in walks Paul McGrath, former Ireland international. Without batting an eye we start singing “Ooh ahh Paul McGrath”. Paul congratulates us on our victory, and steps back off the lift. To this day I’m not completely sure this actually happened.

48

I lived in San Francisco for a while so I have a handful.

When I worked at FAO Schwarz I sold a Creepy Crawler Maker to Smokey Robinson.

Once when my boss (different job) sent me on an inane errand I was waiting to cross at an intersection. I fumed as I waited for the light to change. People started to cross and then two guys stopped right in the middle of the crosswalk to chat and point at stuff. I almost yelled “Get the )($#*^# out of the street you jackasses!” To Michael Douglas and who I assume was the director of The Game which was currently being filmed.

And the winner is: college roommate and I decide to take a studybreak and walk the few blocks through the Tenderloin to the Walgreens and get some candy. We’re heading down Taylor street and see what is an obviously drunk trio of people (one of whom is actually shouting at cars and swinging a big jug of wine.) Drunk guy staggers into me and looks up and apologises then staggers off. My roommate and I gasp and clutch each other and mouth: ROBERT DOWNEY JUNIOR!!! This was back in the old days before he ever got arrested, so it was truly bizarre and surreal. (He was in town filming Heart & Souls with Charles Grodin.)

My friend Shirley has a couple good ones too:

Once when she lived in Portland and the USA Basketball team was in town she was running for a bus and ran into a guy getting out of his limo. She was completely knocked off her feet and looked up (and up, and up) into the giant grinning face of Magic Johnson.

When she lived with me for a spell in SF she was walking home from her waitressing job around 4AM (again through the lovely Tenderloin) and walked right past Hugh Grant. She managed to regain her composure and turn around to follow him (“goodness me, he must not know what a dangerous area this is!”) but he turned a corner and vanished. A couple months later the whole Divine Brown incident happened and we had a good laugh about it. He must be quite an old hand (so to speak) at that sort of thing.

49

I have a couple. I saw David Letterman taking a leak in a restroom at Portland Internation Raceway many years ago. At the time he was part owner of an Indy car team and he was in town to watch a race. A guy waited till he finished and asked for his autograph. He told him to buzz off and left without washing his hands. Later I saw Letterman talking to the guy and they both were laughing so I assumed the guy got his autograph.

My father has some property on a lake outside of Yelm, Washington, a small town 60 miles south of Seattle. About 8 years ago while using the property for recreation purposes, my brother and I ran into Yelm to pickup some stuff at a grocery store. I headed down an aisle and found it blocked by the cart of a middle aged blonde woman. She moved the cart as I approached and said “sorry” for blocking the aisle. It was Linda Evans. I ended up behind her in the check out line and we chatted for about 5 minutes. She was spending a few days with a friend and was unwinding from a trip to Europe. I had fairly long hair at the time and she even commented that she like men with long hair. She left the store in a Chevy Suburban driven by a guy with long hair too. I realized later it was Yanni behind the wheel.

50

I put **Dan Fogelberg **on hold once.

A gentleman called the tiny small-town Pennsylvania newsroom where I worked at the time, and asked to speak with the features editor. So I put him on hold and went to see if the woman was busy. She said it would be a minute, so I picked up the phone and said “May I ask who’s calling?”

“Dan Fogelberg.”

Pause.

“For an interview.”

Stammer. “Just a minute, Mr. Fogelberg.” And I put him through.

I should have asked him to do a few lines from “Another Old Lang Syne” just to check. :stuck_out_tongue: Of course, this was in 1994, so he was not exactly at the peak of his fame.

51

I personally spent many evenings with Bill Moss back in the 70s when I was a pregnant Jewish teenager living at Christ for the Nation University.

You don’t know who Bill Moss is? His mom was Josephine the Plumber on the Comet commercials!

52

My wife works for Tony Randall. Great guy, but that’s only the beginning of the story. A few months back, his theatre company, National Actors Theatre, did a production of The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui with an allstar cast. It had Al Pacino, Steve Buscemi, John Goodman, Chazz Palminteri, Charles Durning, and a slew of other names…

So, we got to attend the opening night performance. All of a sudden, with all these names twenty feet in front of us onstage, we’re looking around and noticing who’s actually in the audience as well. David Schwimmer (wearing a cap and jeans), Shirley MacLaine (in a bad mood, go figure), Dianne Weist (lovely as ever), Jon Bon Jovi (big head, and I don’t mean his hair), Mary-Louise Parker (beautiful), Garry Marshall (in great spirits), Greg Kinnear (looking exactly as he does on film), and my personal favorite, one Mister Paul McCartney and his lovely new wife Heather.

Needless to say, this was one hell of a night. I’m sure there were other VIPs there but it’s after midnight right now and I can’t think of any more…

53

I used to sell merchandise for a volunteer-run bluegrass, folk, and Americana concert series in Lexington, KY. (The Troubadour series, for the locals.)

In addition to sales tax, the theatre kept 20% of the total take from merchandise. This was a source of conflict at nearly every show, as road managers and such would bitch endlessly about this highway robbery. (The guy who ran the series, a touring musician himself, told me that this was actually a pretty standard deal, and that people always bitched about it–it was part of the game. I don’t really believe him.) This led to several memorable encounters, including two that stand out.

The first (which I’ve recounted before) was at a double bill with Ralph Stanley and the Del McCoury Band. Ralph not only brings more merch than anyone short of possibly Riders in the Sky, he and his whole band sit at the table and sell it. They were set up long before I arrived, 2 1/2 hours before showtime, and seemed to be doing fine on their own. I just went and introduced myself to Ralph, said it was an honor, blah blah, and that if he needed anything, to let me know.

“Just between you and me,” the Yoda of bluegrass music himself said, “this 20% business is a bunch of bullshit.”

Not much I can do about it, I said, and left him alone, returning to help Del’s wife (a lovely bluegrass matriarch who sells merchandise for them on their tour and who I got to know pretty well).

Ralph’s set was first, and frankly, it blew dead bears, though his haunting a capella “O Death” nearly redeemed it. (The “O Brother” soundtrack was out, but hadn’t picked up much steam yet.) They all returned to their merchandise table during the set break, while I helped Mrs. McCoury. I went in to watch Del’s set (and there are few bands I’d rather hear live, BTW), and came out in the middle to check on things…

…only to find Ralph’s tables cleaned off and everybody gone. Michael, the head of the series, was running toward me. “They left!” he said. “They got on the bus and left!” Yes, the bastards stiffed us. They never paid up.

The other encounter was with Leon Redbone, who tours completely solo in a station wagon and does all the business himself. After the show, when we were settling up backstage, he said, “Step into my office,” and walked into the bathroom. (His voice really does sound like that all the time, which makes this 10x funnier.) “Now, nobody told me anything about sales tax,” he said.

I defended the policy like I had learned to do, but at the same time, I realized that I was arguing about money with Leon Redbone in a bathroom.

The other memorable encouter was more friendly. The Cowboy Junkies have a small blue monkey that makes weird sounds when you squeeze it that they keep at their merch table. Apparently, the joke is that someone in the band or crew goes up to Margo every night and squeezes the monkey at her. Their merch guy (they toured with one) thought it would be great if some random guy did it, and I was random enough.

After the show, when Margo was being hounded for autographs, he gave me the monkey and I joined the throng. When I got up near her and she looked at me, I produced it from behind my back and squeezed it. She was confused–“How did you get Merchie?” I just smiled and walked off.

The worst part was that I have long been madly in love with Margo, and now she knows who I am–the loser with the monkey.

Dr. J

54

Feel free. Just make me a bit player- perhaps the clerk, behind the counter, or the cranky guy whose luggage was lost.

55

Mr2U and I were at Arlington a few weeks ago, doing really really well. We were getting ready to leave (we didn’t have any horses to bet on in the last two races) and I had to go to the bathroom. As I’m walking out, Mr2U runs up to me, grabs my arm, and yanks me into the restaurant area. I’m thinking he wants to have a nice romantic dinner at the track to celebrate our winnings, but no, he’s introducing me to some short guy eating an ice cream cone. It was Richard L. Duchossois. He signed my $.60 voucher wishing me good luck. It’s on my wall of fame at home. (What? It’s a small wall.)

56

I ran into Billy Crystal many years ago. My brother and I noticed him in the crowd, as did a couple of other people. They asked him for an autograph, but they didn’t have a pen. My brother pulled one out of his pack…I have a picture of him signing the autograph, and I have the pen, too.

What’s so surreal about this encounter? Well, it took place on the observation deck of the World Trade Center in NYC.

57

Meeting whatsisface Steve Perry from Journey. He was all alone in the Anchorage International Airport at about midnight thirty. I was an aircraft refueler working the night shift.

I said, to myself, “oh neat, Steve Perry” to him I said “hi, how’re you”? or something equally boring and bland. He said “hey” and smiled and nodded. He looked pretty tired and bored.

I had to work though and waved and left, didn’t ask for an autograph, didn’t do more than say the quick “hi”.

It was weird though, seeing a celebrity walking around all by himself without some huge entourage.

This was at the international airport, not the domestic one, so passengers were pretty scant at that hour, the band had just played that night, so they probably WERE pretty tired and bored waiting for their flight to leave.

Not so much “surreal” though, just kindof odd to see a “big” star like that out of his element. (this was the 80s, they WERE big then :D)

58

Met a bunch of the big-name golfers (Palmer, Nicklaus, etc) plus some basketball players (Vince Carter et al). Probably the biggest name was Dan Quayle. Back in college, my roommate was a friend of Dan’s oldest son Tucker, so one fall break, we ended up hanging out at the vice presidential mansion for an afternoon, playing football in the front yard, etc.

59

In the business I’m in, you tend to meet a lot of VIP-type folks. Politicians, actors, musicians, the occasional astronaut, ex-president’s wives, etc.

The oddest one for me, however, was when I almost spilt hot coffee on Jerry Brown. Yeah, that Jerry Brown - former Gov. of California, mayor of Oakland, presidential candidate, etc.

He was visiting our TV station for an interview during the runup to the 1992 New Hampshire Primary. He’s one of those guys who travels without too many “handlers”, you know, so he tends to show up in a rental car or a cab (at least he did then) and you barely know he’s around because of his lack of entourage.

So anyway, I had just finished making a fresh pot of coffee in the station’s employee breakroom. Mr. Brown had, unbeknownst to me, stepped in to the breakroom while my back was turned and I didn’t know he was there. I finished pouring my coffee and when I turned to put the pot back on the burner, he was RIGHT THERE - we nearly banged into one another and the pot of coffee I was holding came within about 1/8" of spilling its entire contents down the front of his suit just before I wheeled and spun the pot away from him. As it was, I slopped about a cup’s worth on the breakroom counter.

He just said “Whoa! Nice save!!”

That’s it - he went to do his interview, I went back to my office.

60

I got the evil eye from Patrick Stewart at the Ahwanee Hotel in Yosemite once. Now I know that it’s fear that keeps the crew of the Enterprise in line…