Your Newspaper Obituary

In My Humble Opinion
1

Time was, the first line in a newspaper obituary was pretty formulaic:
John Smith, 82, of Springfield, died September 1, 2000 at Mercy Hospital…

I’ve noticed recently, though, that many obits are substituting other phrases for died:

[ul]
[li]entered into heavenly rest[/li][li]was gathered into the arms of the Lord[/li][li]went home to the Lord[/li][li]entered unto the presence of God[/li][/ul]

…and so on.

So, Dopers, get a jump on the funeral home copywriter and let me know what euphemism you’d want in the paper. Personally, I think it would be pretty cool to have something like:

Uvula Donor, of New England, was dragged kicking and screaming into the Afterlife by the Grim Reaper on February 30th, after a brief illness…

2

Lord Ashtar, of Northern Virginia, had his heart explode in his chest while his brain liquified and oozed out his ears. He was 24. Cause of death is attributed to a 1920s style “death ray.”

3

After a seven year absence Tigers2B1 was declared legally dead today. The family has requested that the proceeds from Tigers2B1’s 10 million dollar life insurance policy be transferred to an undisclosed offshore bank.