Your own campaign commercials (walking a block in the other side's shoes)

I’m not sure this is exactly GD, but it seems to go best here. What I was wondering is how would you make a campaign commercial for the other side? The rules are, if you are planning to vote Kerry, suggest a campaign commercial that supports George W. Bush and/or attacks Kerry. If you are planning to vote for Bush, then make a campaign commercial that supports John F. Kerry and/or attacks Bush.

For example, I’m highly unlikely to vote for Bush, so I need to suggest a campaign advertisement that I think would help Bush get elected.

[Voice Over]The past four years have been some of the most trying times our nation has faced.

{Screen shows shots of tanks in a desert, foot soldiers in mountains, violence in Palestine, photo montage of Bin Laden and Hussein.}

Thoughout it all, one man has remained constant.

{fade to sunrise photo of George W. Bush reviewing the troops}

He’s made the difficult choices that have made our country safe.

{footage of attacks on Baghdad and Saddam’s statue being tumbled}

He’s worked to rid the world of those who would do us harm.

{footage or photo of headlines that Khaddafi and Lybia will stop WMD programs}

He’s sent a clear message around the world.

{footage of Bush making speech to Congress declaring that we will not differentiate between terrorists and those that support them}

A vote for George W. Bush is a vote for freedom!

{Fade to image of happy children playing in the park, the sunshing and birds chirping}

“I’m George W. Bush and I approve this message”.


This kind of commercial would piss off a lot of Democrats as disingenuous, but it gives Bush loyalists what they believe in, and scares swing voters into thinking what course Kerry might take without actually attacking Kerry. There are no “lies” in it, just implications and suppositions that people can believe or not.

If you submit something here, please stick to the rules and give reasoning why you think the ad would be effective. If you are undecided you can choose to go with either candidate.

Camera pans across a idyllic park scene; Kids playing, happy familes picnicing, et cetera.

[Voiceover] George Bush wants you to believe that happiness and security are good for you.

‘WRONG’ is stamped across the screen as the image fades to black and white; Start ‘chilling’ music.

[Voiceover] It has been prophecized in the stars and blood-signs that the return of the Old Gods is upon us!

Montage of volcanos erupting, nuke tests, famine, other bad stuff, flashed acrross the screen; Tempo of music increases

[Voiceover] John Kerry knows that George Bush was slacking off when they were learning the Ancient Rites while in the Skull and Bones.

Show a picture of Dubya, fade to a scene of chimpanzees fighting and shrieking, then to a scene of deer and other animals fleeing a forest fire

[Voiceover] The end of all is nigh! Only John Kerry can be both your Commander-in-Chief and Blood Priest! Make peace now, for the Old Ones will feast on your souls in a endless orgy of pain and death! Zah! Zah! Zah!

Screen fades to almost-black. Vague images of nasty creatures can be made out, dancing around the screen.

[Voiceover] So go vote, flesh-sack. Go vote, for all the good it will do you. I can already taste your fear, flesh-sack. I savour your fear.

I’m John Kerry, and I apologize profusely for Brutus’ post.

…audio of loud revelry… …extreme close-up of deliriously happy child’s face, jumping up and off the screen, down and off the screen, up again, etc., a la Billy Elliot… …camera slowly pans back, revealing another happy face, and then another and then another, and so on, until an entire crowd is revealed dancing in the streets… …they are Middle Eastern… …gunshots are heard as rifles are fired into the air… women are making tribal noises as they spin around in their bhurkas… …kids are chanting slogans in Arabic… …their voices become louder and louder until the sound of a lone jet engine dopplers downward, its shadow dragging across the crowd until suddenly it goes quiet… …the revelry stops simultaneously with it… …all audio goes silent… …a bright redish orange glare lights up the crowd, growing brighter and brighter until it fades to white… …audio returns with loud, rumbing explosion… …whiteness fades slowly revealing new crowd… …these are now Americans of every race and ethnicity… …children, adults, men, women, rich, poor… …moans and pleas from dying people can be heard off camera… …the crowd’s faces are horrified, some looking away… …camera begins slowly zooming in… …overlapping 911 calls reporting the first 9/11 crash… …overlapping bulletins from radio and television… …a lone child emerges from behind adults, holding a poster of her father, with a plea to help find him… …camera pans to extreme close-up of her tear-soaked face… …audio of sirens and panicked screams fades to silence as dust cloud overtakes her… …frame freezes…

Voiceover: This November, tell them which side you’re on.

Bush: I’m George Bush. I approve this message, and remind you that we have much more work to do.

Being an independent moderate who hasn’t decided who to vote for yet. I’ll do both.

**Pro-Bush: **

Vote for George Bush. He’s better then a sharp stick in the eye.

*I’m George Bush and I approve this message. *

**Anti-Kerry: **

Kerry is a pussy who wants the UN to run the military. Is that what you really want? Keep US troops under US control. Vote for Bush.

*I’m George Bush and I approve this message. *

**Pro-Kerry: **

I’m not George Bush. 'Nuff Said. Oh, and I fought in Vietnam.

*I’m John Kerry and I approve this message. *

**Anti-Bush: **

Bush wants to kill your childern in other countries. And he didn’t go to Vietnam. Vote For Kerry.

*I’m John Kerry and I approve this message. *

Did I kill the thread?

“On September 11, when Saddam Hussein ordered his men to hijack planes and fly them into targets in the U.S., George W. Bush was there to fight back. And now that we have recovered and dismantled all of Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction, the world is once again safe. But John Kerry is against such decisive action. Kerry and his liberal buddies like Jane Fonda want to take their orders from the French. The French don’t even know how to wash their armpits, but Kerry doesn’t care. And his wife has an accent. What’s she trying to hide, anyway? And what do people put on French Fries? Ketchup, that’s what.”

I’ll think of one against Kerry tomorrow.

The second movement (allegro molto) of Shostakovich’s Chamber Symphony for Strings howls frantically as stills of scared, dusty, bleeding US soldiers in desert uniforms are shown for four seconds apiece. Photos of a grinning Bush are inserted for two seconds after every two soldier photos. After two cycles, the alternation speeds up. After the third, it appears to be similar to the images of ultraviolence pictured by Alex while the Ninth plays in his room in A Clockwork Orange. This continues until almost a minute into the ad, reaching a frenzied pace along with the music’s tempo. The ad closes with several seconds of footage of the charred contractors in Fallujah and then “Four More Years of Bleeding” in red letters on a black background.

[An shot of an American flag fades into clips of Bush and Kerry speaking]

JK: “I am prepared to filibuster, if necessary, any Supreme Court nominee who would turn back the clock on a woman’s right to choose…”

GWB: “I think we all agree, the past is over.”

JK: " I would not be pleased to see someone burning the flag because I love the flag, but the Constitution that I fought for preserves the right of free expression."

GWB: “This is still a dangerous world. It’s a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses.”

JK: “I oppose the death penalty other than in cases of real international and domestic terrorism.”

GWB: “Rarely is the question asked, ‘Is our children learning?’”

JK: “And to encourage investments in the jobs of the future - I think we should eliminate the tax on capital gains for investments in critical technology companies - zero capital gains on $100 million issuance of stock if it’s held for five years and has created real jobs – and we should attempt to end the double taxation of dividends.”

GWB: “I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.”

JK: I’m an internationalist. “I’d like to see our troops dispersed through the world only at the directive of the United Nations.”

John Kerry. You may not agree with the things he says, but at least you can figure out what they mean.

*I’m John Kerry and I only understood my half of this message. *