I was told that I am nothing, since I have not worked in society, and have no rights to stand up to my step father’s bitter toned comments. He made his points by telling me that I am a son of a bitch a couple of times, and when I said stop, or excuse me, I was told “It’s true.”
Am I actually missing out on a few basic knowledge, or are my parents correct?
Are we actually bugs crawling under the employers, as they are your money line, and inferiors under our fathers, since they are the head of the house?
Note that I was “being scolded” for not bowing down. I didn’t cuss them of scream, or storm off to my room. I simply stood when they expected me to kneel.
Employers have rights, and employees have rights. However, when employers fail to follow their side of the rules they can be taken to court, as my most recent former employers have recently discovered to their dismay.
Parents have rights, and children have rights. Until the children reach adulthood the relationship is unequal, but once you’re self-supporting legally you’re two adult human beings with equal rights.
So, if you can’t stand your step father (and from what you say he does seem to be an asshole, but I’ve only heard your side) then take steps to become independent as soon as possible. That means do well in school, graduate or get your GED, and get a job that pays well enough to support yourself ASAP.
And I don’t think fathers are automatically “head of the household” and even if they are, calling a child under your care a “son of a bitch” is out of line in my opinion.
I don’t know why he would insult your mother that way.
Seriously though, we don’t know you, so it’s pretty hard for us to assess the truth about your character. But it sounds like he is/was emotionally abusive. I was told I have no rights and it doesn’t matter how I feel, and was called a bitch and a horrible person, among other things. This is because of something wrong with them, not anything to do with you. I don’t know why some parents can’t deal with their emotions, it leaves us kids to pick up the pieces. But as someone on the other side of this pain I can tell you it is survivable, and eventually you will learn to generate a sense of self worth from within.
Just because people are “grown” doesn’t make them automatically right, or better than others, or even mature.
However, if you are living with, and dependent upon, said grown people, then unfortunately, they’re in a position to say and do pretty much whatever they want to you. It doesn’t really do anything to contradict them, because they are in the position of power. The nail that sticks up gets pounded, you know? It may not be right, or fair, or nice, but the world isn’t right, or fair, or nice. Better to learn this early, and learn coping mechanisms.
If conversations like this happen regularly, and you are younger than 15, you might be able to get CPS to take you from the home and put you in foster care. This will ***not ***likely be better for you, and may not even insure a “home life” that doesn’t include regular verbal abuse.
My personal advice is to find mentors and friends (adult and child) in a spiritual community if you have one, at school if you have one, and in other areas where you may find kindred spirits - hobby groups or art groups for instance.
Focus on those adults and friends, listen to what they say to you and about you, and use that information to grow into a good and mature person. In the meantime, keep your head down at home, and try your best to let the nasty comments slide off.
How old are you, and what is your ethnicity? Because both those facts factor into the answer.
The truth is, when you are young, your parents are “the boss of you” - and when you are a young employee, with few skills to sell, your boss is “the boss of you” - as you get older, and gain skills and experience, that power balance changes - but those first few years as a wage slave suck. That doesn’t mean that you need to tolerate abuse, but a lot of times what my fourteen year old thinks is abuse (not dropping what I am doing to take him to the skate park when his room is a mess and his grades are horrible and he hasn’t finished his homework) is a long way away from real abuse.
If you are a legal adult, I’d get the hell out of your parents home. If you are not, your best choice may be to put your head down and survive for a few years, but talk to someone - a counselor at school perhaps, to get some perspective. The implications in your post are more disturbing than “my step dad doesn’t let me play XBox until my homework is done.”