Due to circumstances I feel no need to contrive, you and a small group of people – let’s say 40–are in a remote settlement under attack by a merciless foe, far superior in both numbers and firepower You know from your own experience that the enemy’s reputation for brutality is not only deserved but understated; the best thing to be said about them is that they don’t rape their prisoners, because they’re too eager to eat them; unfortunately, said cannibalism is preceded by cooking, and said cooking is not preceded by murder. Your companions do not include your spouse and children (assuming you have others). A good number of your friends have already perished, including your dearest friend in life.
Both tactically and strategically, your position is hopeless. There’s no escape route; ammo’s running low; and no help for your side is close enough to matter. You’re not getting out of here unless Superman or Thor shows up, and sadly you do not live in a comic book universe.
The leader of your group calls everybody together; at his side is the settlement’s one remaining physician. The leader announces that, by his best estimate, less than twelve hours remain before the enemy will break through. He intends to fight to the last breath, partly because the fuckers outside the walls have killed a lot of his friends and partly because he believes suicide to be a sin. But he doesn’t expect everyone to follow his example, and so he yields the floor to the doctor. She says that she has gathered supplies (sedatives, plastic bags, adhesive tape) that will permit anyone who wishes a relatively painless death. There’s enough to go around, and she herself intends to take the final exit as soon as she explains the procedure to anyone who wants to hear it, because, you know, stewpots. You believe – again, from your own experience–that both the leader and the doc are competenent and honest.
Do you follow the leader’s example, pick up your rifle, handgun, and bowie knife, and fight on? Or do you follow the doctor’s advice and hail a cab to the Ryver Styx?
I’d like to think I’ll fight until I have one bullet left, then use it on myself.
That’s what I’d like to think. What I’d probably really do is send a message to the enemy telling them that I have a delicious recipe for prisoner and offer to be their cook if they let me live.
I’m definitely going for the suicide kit. If my bestie is gone and I’m not gonna get out alive to see my family again, I got nothin’ left to live for. I only hope that whatever is in the suicide kit that kills me is toxic enough to kill whoever eats my body. That would show 'em!
How long does the physician’s euthanasia method take to kill? Because if it’s relatively quick and foolproof, I see no reason not to do both: fight for a few more hours and take more of the bastards with me, then administer the fatal dose before the enemy over-runs us. That way, I deny the enemy the satisfactions of a Masada-style easy walk-in and of cooking me alive.
If the method does not involve jabbing a needle into my leg at the settlement wall as the enemy climbs it, but laying down on a table and waiting for an IV to take effect (as you imply), then I’d choose dying now. Better to recreate Masada than being a living :eek: victim of Hannibal the Cannibal.
I am at least fighting long enough to take a few of the bastards with me. The last bullet I can save for myself.
Partly I say this because my experiences with painful injuries (including pouring boiling water on my foot and a power-tool injury to my calf that got down to the muscle fascia) are that the pain doesn’t really start until 20-30 minutes later. I don’t intend to be taken alive, but if I am, I suspect that it will hurt far less than I imagine it will.
Easiest hypo yet. I’ll take the hypo. I’ve got no qualms with suicide, and see no need to spend my last minutes all sweaty and getting beat on with swords and sticks, much less being roasted.
I’d actually probably have deserted some weeks ago.
You never know when the enemy forces might leave. Remember the Mongols suddenly turning around because they had to go home to choose a new leader. So I’ll fight as long as possible, but keep one bullet for myself.
You, oh merciless, sadistic enemy, may have control of everything else in this world, but you do NOT have control of when and how I die. Pass the suicide kit!
I had in mind sedatives to knock you out while the plastic bag over your head (kept in place by the tape) suffocated you. So…several minutes. Of course the handgun and holdout bullet will be swifter.
Are you high or something, doc? We got GUNS, why would we want to choke ourselves to death with some freaking plastic bag?! Get out of here you freaking nut bag, before I cook and eat you myself!
Then I would point out that there are really only two non-idiotic choices here. Either shoot yourself before the fight, or try to kill as many opponents as possible and then kill yourself before they get too close. Easy peasy.
Zero qualms about suicide here. I’m pretty convinced death is just enlightenment and my only aversion is to pain. Bullet to the head solves that little problem.
If you want to eat my flabby (though still sexy) body, have at it, but you’ll be cooking a corpse. I don’t see anything heroic or noble about suffering needlessly.
