Come on, it’s Newark, New Jersey.
BWI (Baltimore-Washington International Airports) is smack-dab in between Baltimore and Washington. It’s also easier to navigate than Dulles. I’d suggest anyone flying here goes through BWI.
Plus, it’s closer for me to pick them up from the airport. And DC smells a bit.
Duct tape and plastic? Merely sexual aids. Nice to see the US government getting into the swing of things.
Man, the testosterone is flowing. Pity it’s trickling out of a decrepit, run down town where the Recker Theatre is considered a cultural spot.
But by all means, go to Baltimore. Knock yourself out looking at the harbor. Just don’t stray too far.
Who needs to see the capitol? Or the Smithsonian? Who needs to see a show at the Folger Theatre? Or the Kennedy Center? Or maybe take a shot at seeing Michael Jordan play in his final season?
See the city from the top of the Washington Monument? Or the back lawn of the Custis-Lee Mansion?
Oh, go enjoy that history in Baltimore. I’m sure there must be some…
Somewhere.
Nevermind that in DC John Ashcroft appears intent to execute all men of middle eastern descent who sneeze unexpectedly.
Would you believe that Dave emailed me to tell me he’d mentioned me in this thread?
Oh! And in Baltimore you have Weirddave. Well, Havre de Grace, actually. Even he wouldn’t actually live in Baltimore.
So in 60 years, the technology for protecting one’s home from poison gas attack has improved from damp Persian carpet to duct tape. God bless Red Green…
http://www.fortunecity.co.uk/meltingpot/oxford/330/cards/set/cc03.html
Neither would I, and I’m the boss ;). Hell, I won’t even drive into Balto by myself without a map and directions and a big-ass gun.
As a Maryland native, I for one would like to thank your friend and shake his hand hand: he must be the first intentional tourist in Baltimore in probably the last 10 years!
I swear I don’t stutter, really; I just want to shake one of his hands.
–Peep Two-Times
CNN is on the teevee. They’re talking about terrorism, of course; but I’m not listening. But I did get this image in my mind:
Osama & Co. are sitting in a cave. One of them stands in front of a camera, sticks his thumbs in his ears, wags his fingers and says, “BoogaBoogaBooga!!!” The terrorists all laugh because Americans are running around like ants when you put a twig downthe entrance to their nest. “*Allahu akhbar! This is great fun!”
I was in the L.A. County Courthouse around the time O.J. was being tried in Superior Court a few blocks away. I was sitting in the large glassed-in jury pool room when I heard a pop. Then there was “Pop! Pop!” I thought to myself, “That sounded like a gun!” People started screaming and running around like headless chickens. “Sounded like a small calibre. Maybe a .380 auto or possibly a .38.” People were diving for cover. I thought, “How rude! Firing a gun in a courthouse! Doesn’t he know he’s frightening people?” I wasn’t frightened. I was offended that someone would do such a thing. I shrugged and kneeled down next to the bench. Immediately I though, “Well this is silly,” and sat back down on the bench waiting for the commotion to die down.
You see, I had the idea that it was unlikely that a madman was running around shooting at random. Turned out that a guy lost his car to his ex-wife in a divorce settlement, so he killed her in the hallway outside of the courtroom (in front of their eight-year-old daughter). Someone said that I was weird, because I was offended and not scared. I dunno; maybe I am weird.
If I see a wreck on the freeway with the highway patrol and fire trucks and ambulances on the scene, or if there’s some guy on the shoulder changing a tire, I don’t slow down to five miles per hour. If there’s trouble on the road, I evaluate it to see if it’s a factor. If it’s not, then there is no reason to slow down. I don’t know why other people have to slow down. I dunno; maybe I’m weird.
So the talking heads on CNN are saying that people are frightened by the terror warnings. Then they say they are angry that they spent so much time buying plastic sheeting and duct tape, and so much energy putting it up and being frightened.
I have not bought any plastic sheeting. I do have some duct tape around here somewhere. I bought it months ago and used it to seal the scupper holes in my kayak. I haven’t bought any MREs, although I really do like them. (Well, except for the crackers. They’re okay with a can of chicken a-la king, though.) A friend of mine says she doesn’t particularly care for MREs. Not that she thinks they’re bad, but she wouldn’t go out and buy them. I told her that’s because I never had to eat them, as she did. Anyway, I don’t have any MREs; and if I did, they wouldn’t be “emergency rations”, but just something I like to eat. I don’t feel the need to stock up on plastic and duct tape and rations. Is that weird?
I’m flying out of LAX in a week and a half. I’m not dreading terrorist attacks, but I do dread the inconvenience of the security checkpoints.
I guess I’m just weird.
By the way: Maybe the cow-orker can take his kids to a John Waters film fest in Baltimore. Maybe he can rent Pink Flamingoes and Female Trouble before the trip.
Seriously, most Americans need to get a major LIFE!!! I’m more scared of being hit by a drunk driver, or raped, or having a piece of a space shuttle land on my house than of terrorism. We’ve turned into a nation of sissified freakin’ sheep!
:smack:
Goodness, all this Baltimore trashing! I like that city, there’s lots to do there - several wonderful museums (the Baltimore Museum of Art and the Walters come immediately to mind), the National Aquarium, great restaurants and bars. Yes, there’s a fair chunk that’s depressing. If anything that’s even more true of Washington and Philadelphia, but unless you’re a social worker or a Cuban reporter you’re not travelling to see that, are you?
Anyway, the wife is a bit of a wimp, too, terrorism or no she seems pretty determined to wrap her kids in duct tape and bubble wrap anyway. She’s got a bit of that very Manhattan, my-kids-are-Faberge-eggs thing going on. I remember how appalled she was when I said it was perfectly normal for kids to break their arms growing up, that’s just one of the things kids do so you have to let them do stuff that might have that as a result. You’d’ve thought I suggested they hang-glide off the Chrysler building.
At least Baltimore has a good railroad museum. I like trains. Choo-choo-choo. Woooo-woooo!
Easy to say from New Mexico. One wonders if terrorists even realize that’s a state. 
Would you guys PLEASE speak to my mother? She is going to have a brain aneurysm if she keeps on at her current panic level. Uggh. She is dead-on totally convinced that there is going to be apocalyptic chemical and biological warfare starting any day now all over this country. She is naturally quite freaked out and entirely impervious to logic.
Oy.
LC
Well, with fast food franchises everyone one might say we’re already under chemical attack.
Baltimore is no longer “The City That Reads” thanks to the coolest mayor in the country we are now “the Greatest City in America” or some such thing. I’m serious… its on all our bus stop benches now. 
Baltimore is the Detroit of the Mid-Atlantic. Or, as Jon Stewart once said, “Baltimore - the city that combines the industrial blight of the north with the casual racism of the south.”
The scab of the Chesapeake.
That said, I really enjoy Camden Yards and Fell’s Point. So that’s what, a square mile of goodness?
Geeze, Neurotic, coming from someone who lives in the most plastic stretch of artificial suburbia in America, your words don’t carry much weight. What’s the matter, did you come to B-more one time and the big bad real people scared you?
Nah, you haven’t seen Columbia, have you?
OxyMoron, at least your friend can get crabs in Baltimore.