Well, in my mind it is. I’m mean, but I’m not that mean. (Or maybe I should just sat that I’m a well-behaved mean.)
Anyway. So one of my colleagues has been talking on and off for months about her family’s planned trip to DC. She has two kids, both of them very bright and very much looking forward to going to the Smithsonian, etc.
And a husband with no spine whatsoever. Last night, he cancelled the trip, changing the destination to Baltimore. Which itself is not a tragedy, I like Baltimore, why, some of my best friends live in Baltimore. But if you do so only because you’re too goddamn gelatinous to handle a bit of a terrorist threat,
(can we say it in unison?)
(it goes without saying, doesn’t it?)
AND YOU LIVE IN MANHATTAN, YOU MORON! IN A BUILDING LESS THAN A HALF MILE FROM THE UN! ON THE EAST RIVER! WITH LOTS OF UN EMPLOYEES AS NEIGHBORS!
Where, prithee, do you really think you’re gonna end up a crispy critter or blown to smithereenies?
And, more seriously, I think you’re making a completely unfit model for your kids. What the hell, you show them that running away is how grownups deal with danger? Maybe that’s justifiable if we have a threat with some heft to it, but if every time John Ashcroft farts you go running into some sort of hidey-hole, that’s just pathetic.
This is when the right message is to go with the family, together, and show you’re brave, together.
I am seeing a lot of threads that seem terrorist related that are referring to duct tape and plastic sheeting. This is making me feel somewhat whooshed, as I must have missed the news article that this is about.
Basically, the Homeland Security department released a statement saying Americans should make an emergency supply kit, which would include duck tape and plastic sheeting, the idea being that you could get a good enough seal to keep various particles out. This whole thing was immediately jumped on by the late-night comics and such and I think it was earlier today or maybe yesterday that Tom Ridge gave another press conference where he said that they didn’t mean for people to start doing it now, just to be able to do it.
He probably just wanted to be in the city that would have the least to lose after a terrorist attack. Heyo! No, no, I kid, I kid. I’m sure he couldn’t resist after he found out it was The City That Reads.
Yeah…can you tell me as well? Our esteemed PM has just told us to be Lerts (whatever a Lert is), and to keep a lookout for people taking photos of our guvmint buildings and national monuments. I’ve already seen 2,574 people in the last 4 days doing just that. So I rang our Tattle-Tale on a Tourist Hotline and dobbed them all in. I’m sure my efforts have helped make Melbourne a safer place.
But, there’s been no mention of duct tape whatsoever. Do you guys have privileged information that you are witholding from us? I s’pose I could always use the stuff I used to fix the vacuum cleaner if push came to shove, but I need to know!!
You know, Southwest flies to Baltimore but not to DC. So maybe he’s not cowardly, just cheap (of course, to get there from Manhattan on Southwest, they’d have to travel up to Islip first).
My own dear husband is taking a business trip to the DC area next week. He’s flying into Baltimore because we’re too cheap to spring for a regular airline.
I’m very disappointed in the quality of it. If little Johnny was gonna spend $15 million on making sure we were all lerts, the least he could do is send me a plastic fridge magnet not a cardboard one.
I’m intrigued by the duct tape and plastic idea though. Just when are you supposed to suit up? Prior to the attack or just after it? One may need to practise with one’s cat.
Obviously, the man has made an intelegent and considered decision, one that I applaud him for. Baltimore is the premier destination in the mid-atlantic region. D.C? Psshaw! All they have is murderers and Jonathan Chance, and while JC is a worthy destination in his own right ( he’s fun to gawlk at, we all do it ), it’s not enough. No, Baltimore is the place to be. The man is a genius, couching his decision in he cloak of plausibility that Ashcroft offeres. He is, dare I say it, a true American hero.
covering their houses. Do they realize they will suffocate? Yet there they are, like sweaty, chubby, pink hysterical spiders, tacking and taping like madmen.
Reminds me of trying to survive a nuclear blast by “ducking and covering” under your desk.
Me, I’m starting to think it’s all part of a plot to jumpstart consumer spending. First, we get the national government to convince of us the need to prepare for a terrorist attack sometime this weekend, so people go out, buy duct tape, plastic sheeting, breathing masks, etc. Then on Thursday, our local weather forecasters start talking about a major winter storm that’s supposed to blow in here and give us six inches of snow by Saturday morning, so people start stocking up on bread, milk and other short term perishables. Well, it’s Saturday morning, there’s no fresh snow on the ground and, hang on while I go get the paper, yep, no news of a terrorist. However, a lot of people have spent more on the aforementioned supplies than they otherwise would, thus a boost in consumer spending, thus a boost to this moribund economy, or at least the retail sector of it. And people think our president is dumb!
CJ
This post was mostly tongue-in-cheek, for the humor-impaired.
