You're kidding, right? (Cicadas and injuries)

[FilmGeek]

This is absurd…

Pediatrician warns parents about Cicadas

From the linked article:

Several children fell off bikes, Baker said. “We had a concussion, a 9-year-old who was fleeing a cicada on her bicycle and fell off,” he said.

Another child hit his head on a brick wall while he was running away from one of the insects.

“We had a stab wound to the arm from a kid who was trying to kill a cicada on the arm of another child but unfortunately he was using a knife,” Baker added.

Aren’t these just really stupid kids? Okay, the bike kid, I understand. She got freaked out… I’ve done that. But a knife? Come on.

[Frank]

I suspect the author made a lot of phone calls before she found a doctor to give her the quotes she wanted. Or the doctor made a lot of phone calls before he found the reporter he wanted. Or they’re friends. Or something.

If only they were kidding, but the sincerity leaks from every word of that story.

[lieu]

On the flipside, if you see a child with a couple of dozen of those empty cicada husks attached to his face and head, he probably needs to get a little more freaked out.

[Larry_Mudd]

“Another kid tried to kick one under a lawn mower and cut his foot, and we saw a crush injury to the hand when a kid tried to put a cicada under the wheels of a moving car.”

Uh…

It seems to me that in most of these instances, other children are in the vicinity when these mishaps occur.

Shouldn’t it follow then that a thorough pediatrician should warn concerned parents to make sure that their children’s environment is free from both locusts and playmates before allowing them to muck about with knives, blunt instruments, heavy machinery, and high explosives?

[carnivorousplant]

Perhaps this is the same physician who wanted warning labels on microwave popcorn bags. Immediately upon opening one, he peered into the steam filled bag and seared his retina.

[Dazzling_White_Diamonds]

@carnivorousplant

Perhaps this is the same physician who wanted warning labels on microwave popcorn bags. Immediately upon opening one, he peered into the steam filled bag and seared his retina.

I’m sorry, and I know this is wrong, but dammit all if this didn’t make me laugh my ass off.

Carry on.

[Cerri]

From the article:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - First there was the girl who fell off her bike fleeing a flying cicada. Then a boy trying to swat a cicada out of the air with a baseball bat instead hit his friend in the nose.

The final straw came when another child hurt his hand trying to squish a cicada under a car’s tires. Dr. Ray Baker of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital was convinced – cicadas can be a safety hazard to children.

-snip-

Several children fell off bikes, Baker said. “We had a concussion, a 9-year-old who was fleeing a cicada on her bicycle and fell off,” he said.
Another child hit his head on a brick wall while he was running away from one of the insects.
“We had a stab wound to the arm from a kid who was trying to kill a cicada on the arm of another child but unfortunately he was using a knife,” Baker added.

I’m thinking had that sentence read “Dr. Ray Baker of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital was convinced – stupidity and/or incredibly bad judgement can be a safety hazard to children.” it’d have been a much more accurate statement.

[gazpacho]

@carnivorousplant

Perhaps this is the same physician who wanted warning labels on microwave popcorn bags. Immediately upon opening one, he peered into the steam filled bag and seared his retina.

Micro wave popcorn bags have had warnings on them for as long as I can remember. I discintly remember these warnings on the bags from about 20 years ago.

[Larry_Mudd]

I distinctly remember these warnings on the bags from about 20 years ago.

Yeah, me too:

Caution: This product tastes like ass. / Avertissement: Produit goute comme l’anus.

Don’t remember anything about steamed retinas, though.

[Colibri]

Sounds like an Onion article.

It reminds me of the classic, “Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids.”

[pizzabrat]

@FilmGeek

Okay, the bike kid, I understand. She got freaked out… I’ve done that.

You’ve done it? How does that excuse it?

[Chairman_Pow]

@pizzabrat

You’ve done it? How does that excuse it?

Kid gets scared of about ten billion freaking insects that appeared out of nowhere and rode away from them, then she fell. That’s a bit different than, some of the other idiotic things listed.

[FilmGeek]

Exactly, Chairman Pow. I can get freaked out by bugs and make mistakes.

I wouldn’t, even as a child, have stabbed another child because I wanted to kill a bug.

[Master_Wang-Ka]

@Cerri

I’m thinking had that sentence read “Dr. Ray Baker of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital was convinced – stupidity and/or incredibly bad judgement can be a safety hazard to children.” it’d have been a much more accurate statement.

Hm. Maybe we should tattoo that on all children.

Or perhaps just on all penises. I understand children hardly ever happen without the use or misuse of a penis.

[carnivorousplant]

@Master Wang-Ka

Hm.I understand children hardly ever happen without the use or misuse of a penis.

Well, that has more than a hand in it.

[Triss]

From the article:

Starting this week and lasting into June, billions and possibly even trillions of cicadas will emerge across much of the eastern half of the United States.

I have nothing to add except: Gnaaa! Christ, billions and trillions?

Shiver me freakin’ timbers.

[jastu]

Is killing cicadas a national children’s pastime over there? Just curious, after reading the article all these kids getting hurt trying to kill them, seems strange to me.

[peacenik_tasmanian_devil]

@jastu

Is killing cicadas a national children’s pastime over there? Just curious, after reading the article all these kids getting hurt trying to kill them, seems strange to me.

Only if squash them with baseball bats.

[sugaree]

@jastu

Is killing cicadas a national children’s pastime over there? Just curious, after reading the article all these kids getting hurt trying to kill them, seems strange to me.

Nah. Cicadas are dormant for something like 17 years, so their emergence is a once-in-a-childhood event.

Killing insects in general is the national children’s pastime.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

@sugaree

Nah. Cicadas are dormant for something like 17 years, so their emergence is a once-in-a-childhood event.

Not all cicadas are on 17-year cycles. This is just a particularly interesting (and numerous) brood (Brood X). I’ve grown up around cicadas, but I didn’t live in this part of the country 17 years ago. This should be interesting, if not a little gross.