You're supposed to light the candles, not your dad

[Satisfying_Andy_Licious]

Colorado man accused of burning father to death at birthday party

LA JUNTA, Colo. (AP) – A man will stand trial on charges of murder for allegedly dousing his father with kerosene, setting him ablaze and saying: “You are going to die today – happy birthday, you are the candle.”

I like the guy’s alibi:

… Martinez, who was arrested March 13, told police the fire occurred while the two men were arguing about whether kerosene was flammable. He said his father poured kerosene on his own shirt and set it on fire to prove that kerosene would burn, police said.

[Zenster]

In all fairness, the invitations did mention barbecue.

[ParentalAdvisory]

I was dying laughing when I heard about it on the radio this morning. “…you are the candle.” Fucking Hilarious!

[NinjaChick]

Wow.

I read the link from the OP, and was thinking “Wow, the wit just writes itself for this, doesn’t it?”

Only it doesn’t. I don’t like to make fun of people on the basis of a disability, and if your way of proving your innocence in this situation is you were arguing over whether or not kerosene is flammable…

“You are the candle” is a good line, though. Very B-horror-flick-esque.

[NinjaChick]

Uh, wow. That’s an ugly sentence in the middle. Should say: “If your way of proving your innocence is you were too stupid to know if kerosene is flammable…”

[MysteryFellow63427]

Was this a two person party? What were the other guests doing?

[Bryan_Ekers]

Putting marshmallows on sticks, I assume.

[Zenster]

I hope he fries for this!

[kambuckta]

But I wanna know what the ‘crime’ of being an habitual criminal involves. The bugger got FIVE COUNTS…what’s the straightdope on the criminality of being a criminal?