You're the last person alive....What do you do?

Have a party! Oh, wait…

I’d go to the nearest military base and hot-wire a nuke to go off via a timer when I’m a hundred miles away.

Man, that’s the ultimate Fourth of July Firework!

Where was everyone when they all died or disappeared? If the disaster happened during rush hour, all the highways and byways might be blocked by thousands of vehicles, making travel difficult, if not impossible. You’d need to learn to ride a motorcycle for easier travel in such a scenario, although that would make carrying supplies a lot more difficult.

Would animals die or disappear too, or just humans?

Well, first I’d have sex with all of the dead bodies, then I’d stroll over to Great Debates and win every single arguement, and then I’d watch a movie after releasing two full jars of lighting bugs into the theater.

After I get that out of my system, I imagine I’d search for survivors, or maybe just read a book :slight_smile: .

Y’know, if all the domesticated (or captive) animals are still alive, my conscience would really start bothering me…do I try and take care of the animals in the local zoos? Let them free? Try to kill them as quickly and humanely as possible? (I mean, I might just release deer or meercats, and I’d probably want to keep the apes alive…but what about tigers? Or the dolphins and killer whales at the local aquatic park?) :frowning:

But, anyway…

Drive down to CompUSA and take a goddamn X-Box.

Catch up on my reading/movie watching/video game playing.

Misc. looting.

Cry, and or scream a lot.

Eat all the frozen food first, before it goes bad.

Start a garden.

More crying.

Catch up on dirty movie watching.

Go house hunting.

Vent frustrations by desicrating, defiling, and otherwise obliterating things. (Religious buildings, political offices, graves, etc.)

And, after a few years…

Make a road trip to a major air force base; steal some nuclear weapons. (If I can’t figure out how to set one off—at a distance—I’ll use one for a coffee table. Just because I could.)

Definately go mad. Chicken bone in the beard kind of mad. I imagine the idea that I am being watched every hour of every day would be unbearable for me. In a year you’d find me standing at the edge of the ocean cussing a blue streak at invisible aliens to come out and fight me like a man. Or maybe I’d finally believe in God and now be absolutely pissed at him for screwing with me like so. I don’t know how I’d end up dealing with such a massive mystery around my life though after so long though. I know when I’m stressed my ears and eyes play tricks on me annoyingly. I’d hope I’d come to accept that I’d never know and move on though. Certainly I couldn’t ask for a better place to be alone like that.

Make some kind of deal with God.

Give me what I want or the whole thing is over.

I suppose I would have to plan on surviving but that would just be lame. So say I wake up Monday morning. World is empty.

First things first I would laugh because he who laughs last laughs best, eh? Monday night would involve heavy drinking. (There are a lot of places to drown my sorrows round here)

Wake up Wednesday afternoon, :stuck_out_tongue: , find food (that would probably be tinned or frozen by now). If the electricity is out by now I could start a fire and cook. Hangover now gone I would steal a car, a nice one obviously, and drive home. Reason: I live in the country which provides me with fields of edible plants, animals for meat and I live around the corner from an Army base so rifles a-plenty to hunt with. So food is pretty much set. I could create a small habitat and grow/raise my own food. If needs be I live near a bunch of petrol stations to fill up a car and drive to a big city, London for example. Oh yeah I’d probably have to stop at a hospital to pick up medications, emergency stuff etc.

A few months later, if I’m still alive, I’d like to go on a pilgrimage. Start in London, visit the museums, libraries. Break into Buckingham Place, Downing Street. Steal a boat and pop over to France, through Europe, down through Northern Africa and onto Asia. Hop from Russia to the Americas. And just keep it up until I die. Maybe I’d leave a ton of messages around the world on my travels in case some future civilisation, alien of otherwise, could find it.

I guess the thought of “why did I survive, and EVERYONE else didn’t?” would wear on me pretty bad after a bit. I think I’d just assume there were others out there, and after the initial “I have the world to myself, I can do whatever I want” wore off, I’d probalby go seeking other humans. But imagine how hard it would be. Power wouldn’t last long. Phones might last longer (?) but who do you call?

Therefore, I say if/when this happens, let’s pick a place to meet. When we wake up alone in the world, let’s take…oh…2 weeks, have fun, gather supplies, whatever, and then start the trek to a pre-arranged place. I vote for somewhere south, in case it’s the winter. Perhaps Atlanta? Or Miami? Then, we can have the party and begin re-populating the world.

I’d make it my quest to change every church marquee sign to “HOMER ROCKS”

Not only would it make me laugh, but hopefully another surviving Simpsons fan will be able to follow my trail and catch up with me.

Well the scenerio would have to be changed to include my wife, as I would not want to keep going if she were not with me.

So that in mind - Dance of course! We’d dance and sing aloud at the top of beautiful places across the country. We joyously romp around the countryside until we got tired. Then procure a beautiful Frank Lloyd Wright home on the top of some mountain in Arizona and live out our days hang gliding and adventuring until the end :slight_smile:

after considering that the humanzees may be sterile, i have a change of plans.

  1. ejaculate into primordial soup.
  2. carve my laws into stone tablets
  3. travel up to artic
  4. make sign saying, “i wrote the laws in the stone! worship me!” or something to that effect.
  5. freeze while holding sign.
  6. wait for evolution to run it’s course and for my new cult followers to thaw me out and proclaim me as their new leader.
  7. get a bunch of concubines :smiley:

First step is to find a base of operations. Preferably something defensible, but still roomy, in order to house the supplies I’d be collecting. Most likely I’d move towards one cost or the other, probably the east coast, as there is greater concentration of Urban locations to plunder.

Next, find an armory or two. I want to say that I think the American Legion posts each have at least a small armory in them. If not, I’m sure without much trouble I could find a base that had a goodly supply of small arms, with plenty of ammunition.

After that…food, time to scour the stores for all the food that has a decent shelf life, and create a fairly large stockpile.

Locate a local source of fresh meat. There would probably be a farm or two at least fairly close by. Ensure that the animals there can survive on their own without much interaction from me.

Start collecting gas tanker trucks. And then as I think I read someplace that gasoline will evaporate, seal them all up as airtight as I could make them. And of course round up every generator I could find. Including some wind generators if I could find, transport, and set them up by myself.

Transportation would have several options. A 4x4 type vehicle. A motorcycle. And an electric vehicle. If I could find wind generators, I should be able to keep the electric one charged for all the “daily” trips. This would reduce wear and tear on the other vehicles. Of course I’d have several of each of them, still the auto plant won’t be making any more, so I’d better try and conserve.

Locate seagoing transportation. I don’t think I could reliably learn to fly without an instructor, so the next best thing would be some type of medium sized boat that I could handle myself. There are more than a few modern sailboats that are automated enough to handle on my own, and I think they would last longer than a diesel powered boat.

Start collecting books/music/works of art. Even if I turned out to be the last person, finding and collecting all that knowledge would keep me occupied, and give me a chance to learn new skills, and have things to occupy my mind.

Start learning how to play an instrument.

Then set off around the world to see if I could find anyone else. Although I’m not sure how I’d get through the Suez Canal. I’m positive my sailing skills wouldn’t take me around the horn, so I might have to ditch one boat, and find another. This trip would probably have to be taken in the first year, while the chances of the abandoned equipment being in good shape is still high.

  1. Go around to all the zoos, and free the primates. Maybe some will survive and evolve.

  2. Find out which food sources the primates need, and release as many of them into the wild as I could.

  3. Learn as much as I can about cryogenics, and freeze myself. When those chimps get smart enough, maybe they’ll defrost me. Even if I find myself on Planet of the Apes, at least I’ll know there’s an intelligent species on Earth.

Masturbate like a motherfuck.

Be like that man in that tv show and go to all the libraries and read and read (I have an extra pair of glasses).
I wouldn’t really be alone, God would still be with me.

I was thinking about this a little more.

I need a house with some of the following:

A private well with electric pump for drinking and bathing, plus a water softener.
An oil-fired boiler/hot water heater combo for heat and hot water.
A walk-in freezer and refrigerator to save mass quantities of frozen meats, ice cream, etc. from the local supermarket before it goes bad, and somplace to hang the hunted meat afterwards.
A fireplace, also for heat and cooking.

I will need to learn basic carpentry, plumming, electrical, etc. to create my own electrical supply…a combination of wind turbune, solar panels, water wheel turbine, generator set, etc.

Assemble a collection of diesel powered vehicles.

Learn to ride a motorcycle.

Learn how to rig an electrical supply to gas pumps to fuel my vehicles…barring that, fuel up at local Public Works Dept. Diesel fuel to power my vehicles AND my home’s boiler.

Learn how to shoot guns…need to kill for food and for protection against hungry predators.

I already live at the shore, so I have ready access to fishing equipment and supplies.

Convert my lawn into a vegetable garden.

Collect basic supplies for my diesel fleet (fluids, filters, tires already mounted on wheels…anything more involved, just get a “new” car :wink: )

Eventually, I’ll scout the neighboring towns and states for supplies my hometown is depleting. Maybe drive back a tanker truck full of diesel.

Remember, I must make a nation’s few-day supply of stuff stretch out for me for decades.

Also,

Steal myself a Ferrari, CDs, DVDs, etc and make a kick-ass entertainment center.

Enjoy smoking cigarette holders and long-stemmed churchwarden pipes…maybe try a cigar or two.

Go to military base and steal flamethrowers and machine guns. Shoot the windows out of high-rise buildings.

Burn stuff…just because.

WILSON!!! _____ :frowning:

Damn straight. Then I’d catch-up on my reading…

Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but there are a lot of problems that people seem to be overlooking:

  1. Car batteries will not keep charged after a few months if not used. Cite: 48 Hours, with Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte. How are you gonna start all these cars you’ll be rampaging? Better get those Ferrari joy rides out of the way quick!
    Also, gas stations use electricity to pump gas. Although there was a terrible movie with Lee Majors ($6m man) and Burgess Meredith (he of the broken glasses) where he carried around a foot pump to refuel his Formula One racer. Of course, one of the many problems with that movie was that those cars run on alcohol, not gasoline!

  2. Power sources like wind, water, and solar are iffy, only working when there is some. You would have to learn how to store this as battery power. That’s a good coupla physics courses away. Meanwhile, it would get pretty cold up north while you figured this out.

  3. Source of fresh meat means killing, hacking, and butchering animals. I’m not a vegan or anything, but I don’t know if I’d be up to that. Especially if instead, I could just pop open a can of tuna. But I guess you’d have to learn how to do it eventually.

  4. Saving the animals from zoos wouldn’t really do too much, except being a very nice gesture. I would guess that only a very few of the animals in zoos are endangered, so that the ones in the wild would be fine.

  5. Does anyone know if nuclear power plants, if left untended, will just shut down sooner or later, or instead, just blow up sooner or later? This could be either a great benefit or a huge problem. Better get to a dreary fallout shelter for a while.

  6. Flying and sailing - if you’re not pretty goddamned sure that you can do it, anfd do it near perfectly, you’ll end up killing yourself. Why take the risk? Stay on one land mass.

  7. Canned food and drugs have expiration dates. Gotta start getting pretty careful about botulism and antibiotics after a few years.

  8. Finally, after masturbating enough, if you’re a guy, you’ll eventually run out of sperm. Although that wouldn’t really matter, now, would it? :slight_smile:

BTW, anyone see the Omega Man with Charlton Heston?