Suppose a neutron bomb or a super virus hit and wiped out every living human being on the planet… except you. Let’s say it was a very efficient bomb or virus, too. That means no bodies lying around rotting, just empty cars, empty houses, empty cities, etc. No property has been damaged whatsoever. Let’s also say that you’re fully aware of the cause and extent of the disaster, so you don’t have to go through the whole “am I halucinating!?” phase.
Okay, so what do you do? How do you pass the time? What is your first act as Lord and Emperor of Planet Earth?
Jack Daniels, a Lambourghini and an Uzi. Drunk, driving fast, and shooting an automatic weapon. If I knew how to fly an airplane it would add another dimension.
deevee, you read my mind. That’s pretty much exactly what I came up with the other day with my friends. I didn’t specify booze though, and for me it was a Lambourghini and an assault rifle.
I’d load up on food and drugs, stay high all the time, explore a lot and get some reading done. I guess I’d also find a portable DVD player and watch movies to pass the time.
Are my pets dead? I could live without humans, but I think without people or animals, I’d give up. And if animals are alive, I’d have to go around letting animals loose before horses starved in their paddocks and dogs died in houses and kennels.
I’d have to assume that at some point power grids would fail due to lack of supervision and maintenance, so I’d secure myself a supermarket or three and do my best to ensure that as much food and clean water as possible was preserved.
I’d make sure I had a can opener.
I’d arm myself… just in case.
I’d explore a lot.
I’d read a lot. Especially books on survival and hunting and curing meat and brewing and canning…
Essentially, I’d become a modern day caveman whose only concerns are how to meet my basic survival requirements.
If those were met and assured, then I’d start with the Ferraris and town-sized bonfires…
Stay the Hell away from SeaWorld for a decade or two.
Catch up on my reading/movie watching.
Try to stay clear of the zoo animals I let free.
Cry/scream/talk, argue with “ghosts” a lot.
See what creative ways I can combine spices, Spam, and two pounds of antidepressants for dinner. For the rest of my life.
Do some defiling…graves, places of worship, priceless architectural wonders, all fair game. Maybe learn how to operate a “one man band” and perform the Tiger Lillies’ greatest hits at the National Cathedral (or the Vatican, if I can make it), and close the show with some posthumous executions.
Road trip to North Dakota, to see if I can launch some ICBMs. Y’know, needlessly wipe out the last charnel remains of countries I hated in acts of vicious, irrational pique; make sure that the Pyramids don’t outlive me; carve a gigantic “Happy Face” into Australia with MIRVs, etc.
General “going mad with loneliness and impotent rage and hatred towards the universe at large.”
Probably die of appendicitis, or after trying to fly a B-52 in a slalom through downtown New York at 100’ altitude.
I would find and learn how to use a local electricity operator. And try to do it quick so I can stockpile on non-can-food. I would find a movie projector, and drugs. Eventually I’d probably try to live among some apes.
Another question is, what would you do if you knew there were 20 people left in the world, distributed at random.
Once I was sure no one was around or coming back, I’d totally go through my neighbors houses to see what kinds of freaks they were.
I’d assemble the greatest entertainment center ever created. With a theatre full of shiatsu massage chairs.
I would have sexual realtions with myself in the oval office. Just to say that I did.
I’d drive a real NASCAR car around town and do donuts on the beltway.
I’d install Linux on Bill Gate’s personal computer.
Fireworks. Lots of fireworks.
Screw trying to keep electrical power grids operating. I’d just gather stand alone generators from the local hardware store(s) and a tanker of gasoline. There is no way one person could produce enough hydrocarbons to harm the enviroment, so fossil fuels would be more than sufficent. Since I already garden and hunt, food would just require a little more planning, but the good thing is that I wouldn’t have to worry about space.
