Youthful Metabolisms

I used to be overweight; at my peak I was 180 pounds at 5’8”. About six years ago I decided to get in shape. I ran, lifted weights, and ate an extremely low calorie, and virtually fat-free diet for three months solid. I lost 30 pounds in that time. Here’s the weird thing though, I’ve gone back to my old lifestyle, I rarely work out, except for the occasional pick-up basketball game, and I eat whatever I want, whenever I want (bacon is a major component of my weekly diet) and yet I don’t gain a pound, I can still see my abs for cryin out loud. My parents families are split on the weight issue, one side is generally overweight, the other side is quite thin. I’m still in my early twenties so I assume my metabolism is primarily responsible for my good fortune. My question is, how long before my youthful and hardworking metabolism starts to fade?

“When I was younger I could eat whatever I wanted and never gain a pound. Now I have a bowl of pudding and my ass jiggles for a week.”

-Adam Sandler in “Big Daddy”

Mr. Metabolism skidded to a halt when I was in my mid- to late-thirties. I was—and am—fairly active. I now eat, literally, half of what I used to, and I still weigh 30 pounds more than I did in my twenties, and can NOT seem to shed them.

I tell the little 20-somethings here at work, “eat all the Hershey’s Kisses and pizza and ice cream while you can, tootsie, 'cause when you’re MY age, you’ll just have to walk PAST them to put on weight.” I say it with a raspy, Selma Diamond voice, of course, to keep them scared of me.

When I was in my twenties and thirties I used to drink Nutrament in a futile attempt to gain weight. (That was in addition to my normal consumption of two cases of beer each week). Now I sip diet soda all day and my doctor is demanding that I lose another ten pounds. I tell ya, it’s just not fair…