Tigers in their natural environment don’t have it easy. A loose tiger in this area would be seen, not enough wild forest to hide in around here. I think my best chance for survival would be to make my way to a legit big cat sanctuary. I’d try to make my way to the one across the bay, or one of the zoos over there. If they catch me and take me to the asshole “wildlife guy” on this side of the bay I may arrange an accident for him … maybe frame the bear so I don’t get blamed. Then I’d try to live out my days being pampered. I’d do some amusing things to become the youtube star of the sanctuary but I’d probably try to avoid showing off too much intelligence.
get white gloves. wear them.
Then probably try to make it to the zoo.
Wait until 3AM, jump through the window screen in my apartment. (Can’t turn a doorknob with paws.)
Land on the grass strip outside the building. Jump the fence, and haul ass down the street then make a right at Canoga Avenue. From there, it’s a couple of miles north to the Santa Susana mountains.
Mountain lions and bears live there, so I can too. Not that they’ll be happy to see me. But I’m bigger, a can take them!
Once I’m settled in up in the mountains, I’ll come back to Chatsworth late at night and snag myself a horse from one of the local boarding stables. Gotta eat!
There’s a superfund site up there thanks to the old Rocketdyne testing grounds. Is it too much to hope for to become some sort of toxic-waste super tiger?
I’d go looking for a tuna fish sandwich. Tigers will do anything for a tuna fish sandwich.
I’d also try to wangle an invitation to Susie Derkins’ birthday party.
“When in doubt,wash” Tiger is a cat,after all.
Here? Go down to the river,hide and think… There are a lot of really dumb deer there,so have lunch.
First of all, thanks for this thread, y’all have given me a lot of laughs today! Funny funny Dopers.
Probably I’m near my own house. If so I walk (run! I’ll run!.. this is going to be my only chance to really make some distance as a tiger) back to my own house and wait on the deck (not hidden, but don’t think anyone will notice me in our quiet neighborhood) for my husband to get home. This is because I’m almost certain that instead of calling animal control he’ll directly call the nearby tiger rescue (who knew that living close to a tiger rescue was going to come in so handy?) and they’ll come and get me. I’ll act very very docile and perhaps they won’t even shoot me with tranquilizers if they see I’m coming quietly.
Now I’m not sure how great life at the tiger rescue is going to be. I don’t even get to make tiger friends, because apparently tigers aren’t into friends and they keep them all in separate enclosures. I’ll start doing stuff other people have suggested in this thread like writing in the sand, amazing feats of intelligence for a tiger, hopefully that will bring in lots of media and therefore donations for the tiger rescue and at least I’ll be doing some good in the world.
In fact, I think I’ll go donate now… http://www.carolinatigerrescue.org/
you never know, the life you save might be your own!
Piss on everything, marking my territory.