I honestly, sincerely, would like to understand how you decided or posited this. Being in trouble does not always equal being at fault, in my experience.
When I was his age, I wasn’t the kid everyone picked on, most of the time. But I did see what happens. The kids who do get picked on (and I think you know this is often merciless) are desperate to raise their status above the “automatic/default victim” level, if only for survival. (I do belive that kids this age think of such things as life-or-death situations, whether they’re remotely right or not.) I have to say I’m thinking he was really being pretty smart: if you’re perceived as the doofus mama’s boy (or the smart lil’ geek-wuss, or whatever) doesn’t it make sense to bring something … something not really dangerous, but EXCITING, to show your tormentors as well as your might-be-supporters? I’d say that’s problem-solving at a fairly logical and even ethical level, for the kid.
Not to say that if he KNEW this item was verboten it would be all innocent for him to impress his cohorts with it - but no one has established what this kid was actually thinking. No one can, really. I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt. What are the chances, realisticaly, he had actually read all those rules®s (which even OpalCat found after-the-fact) and understood what a challenge he was presenting?
Amen. “Rules are rules” people confuse the hell out of me. Rules can be good, bad but not worth the bother of arguing or the punishment for fighting, or outright evil.
If he knew the item was not allowed, he would not have brought it. This is the kind of kid who reminds ME that he isn’t allowed to do X or Y. This is a kid who, when told “remember you have to empty the dishwasher” responds with “yeah and don’t forget I have to scoop the litterbox, too”. He gets in trouble at school for talking too much or for not having done his homework, or for having a messy desk. He does NOT get in trouble for blatantly flauting rules that he knows exist, and certainly not for instigating any kind of malicious altercation. The time he got in trouble for fighting was because he was physically pushed first, after a bunch of verbal taunting. This really is a good kid. I’m not just some deluded parent who thinks their hellspawn is an angel. He is the kid who comes and kisses me goodnight. He’s the kid who puts his arm around me in the grocery store. If my hair is in my face, he brushes it back and tucks it behind my ear. He’s the kid who always wants to donate his allowance to whatever the charity-of-the-week at the grocery checkout lane is. It’s precisely this stuff, however, that makes him a huge target for the more cruel kids at school
It sounds like, for whatever reason (and it might not really have anything to do with Dominic), this school is simply not interested in working with your son.
As a parent, I can imagine how painful it is when the world is indifferent to your child’s well-being. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope his next school experience is a much better one - it easily could be, just the luck of the draw.
I think you’re exactly right, fessie. I am not deluded in this fact: Dominic is a handful. Not as a discipline problem, but just as a child, he needs extra attention/understanding/patience. He is on medication for ADHD which has helped quite a bit, though when we move to Ohio I want to take him to get evaluated for possibly bipolar (thanks to my genes), depression, or something similar. He’s also just been through his parents getting divorced, moving to a new state (which he’s about to do again), and he’s always been, socially, a little behind his peers. He’s extremely sensitive and easily hurt, emotionally. I have no doubt that the school might just find it easier to get rid of him. Which is sad, because he’s a very smart kid, and if there is one word that everyone who meets him uses to describe him, it’s “sweet”. He’s exceptionally caring and kind and yet that doesn’t seem to matter in the larger picture, and actually works against him among his peers–his peers being 10-12 year old boys.
I dated a guy kind of like that, valedictorian, short, geeky, smart as all hell. Nice guy, too, just not “the one”. I’m sure he was picked on, particularly at that 10-12 age.
I got in touch with him a few years ago (he loved Scylla’s blimp story). He and his wife have a son. The kid was 4 years old…and he already had him enrolled in Tae Kwon Do (or one of those). I thought, yup, good for you; history’s not repeating itself in your house!
Seriously - something like that might do your son a world of good.
Insults are not allowed in MPSIMS, Christopher. You were okay up until you threw “prick” into the mix. Anyway, please confine insults to the Pit or just leave 'em out altogether.
I am of the opinion that some school teachers / administrators / bus drivers are folks that have serious control issues. These are not the people you really want to have around children. Unfortunately, there are not enough of those that “love to teach kids” around and so we are left with too many unfulfilled bullies.
Do you teach your children to roll over and take shit that was unfairly slung at them? To never question authority or speak up when it oversteps its bounds?
What a bummer for this to happen especially at the end of school year. Opal i hope you let Dominic return for his final two days. It may give him closure to the incident and the ability to leave the school system with his head held high. I know it is easy to say screw them and whats the point of attending the last two days, but its his last few days in fifth grade, I’m sure friends and teachers will want to see him again.
Not sure why you think keeping him home is saying “screw them”… it’s what they told me to do. Sending him to school those last two days would be saying “screw them”.
I’ve talked to him about it. He doesn’t want to go back for the last two days.
I really do want to appologize, not just to Leaffan but to the rest of MPSIMS for blowing my top. I have a few relatively fresh wounds that are slowly healing. Despite what many people think, bullying doesn’t necesarilly stop after high school. Bullies exist everywhere. I’m guessing once I finish my degree I will have my very first pit thread about it. Grrrrrrr
