Oh, and I didn’t try to save the person trapped in the car. I’m a heartless bastard…
Speaking of which, we zombies (I’m secretly a spy among you warmies) are invading Dorney Park Thursday at 8pm. Look for film sometime after that.
67.66%
I tried to be as truthful as I could, but I’m a decrepit old lady. I did abandon the person in the car, and I can cook damn near anything, I even dehydrate and can stuff. I’m not a gun person, so I didn’t select the rifle. And I KNOW I can’t start a chain saw, so I picked the pipe by default. The zombies don’t need to worry, though.
My husband can handle chain saws, and owns several guns. I’d let him take the test, but he’d cheat.
~VOW
… I don’t think the person in the car was meant as a food source, though I guess being trapped in a metal shell could be considered ‘canned’ 
I didn’t choose the rifle mainly because I was worried my aim would be thrown off. Sight alignment, sight picture goes out the window when battling hordes of undead. :smack:
67%
Also I left the bastards in the car.
84%. I’m a very outdoorsy type of person who has lived and worked in remote regions most of my life and have an ability to make almost anything out of nothing.
I picked the rifle, but their isn’t really enough information to give a definitive answer. Are we dealing here with the “Autumn” slow, shambling zombies, or the “28 Days later” type fats zombies?
As someone who has done a bit of work with chainsaws, including using them to butcher animals, I have to say that they make a really, really lousy weapon. They are scary for humans because a slight touch can cause serious lacerations of the soft tissue. But lacerations and even disembowelling don’t stop zombies.
And I can assure you, chainsaws cut through bone much more slowly than they cut through a similar thickness of hardwood. If it takes 1 second to cut through 3 inch branch, it will take a good 3 seconds to cut through a femur the same thickness. 3 seconds may not seem like long, but in a fight it is eternity. A normal person or fast zombie will land 9-15 good punches in 3 seconds.
Bone is also hell on the chain, and after a few cuts the chain become so blunt that it takes a *lot *of pressure to make it bite. I weight 75kg, and I have to lean a substantial part of my weight into a saw to make it bit into bone after half a dozen cuts. Chances are that after incapacitating one zombie, a chainsaw simply won’t be capable of taking out any more unless you are extremely strong and heavy.
Chainsaws also splatter a lot when you use them for butchery. You end up with meat and bone fragments covering your hair, face, eyes and forearms. If we are dealing with “28 Days later” type zombies where the fluids are highly contagious, this rules out the chainsaw entirely, since even with a full face respirator, the goggles will be so coated as to be opaque in short order.
Chainsaws are also very heavy. Any saw that has a big enough motor to be useful will be so heavy that most people will not be swinging it around above waste height for more than a few seconds.
Movies to the contrary, chainsaws suck as a weapon.
A few people have suggested using the fuel as a weapon.Stop and think about this. You are in a *basement *and you are going to intentionally start a fire. Even in a brick basement, unless you are very, very sure that you can leave within the first 30 seconds, that is basically suicide. And if you are sure that you can leave within 30 seconds, then it is an unnecessary risk. A burning zombie wandering around at close quarters is a serious hazard, and you have no guarantee of medical treatment if you sustain burns.
Far better to use the rifle or the pipe. The rifle is obviously a superior weapon. Stopping a zombie presumably involves breaking limbs to reduce mobility and ultimately fracturing the skull. I have many years of MA training in several styles, and it’s much harder to land a solid, bone breaking blow with a club than most people think. However as other shave mentioned, if noise is an issue the pipe does have something to recommend it.
I opted for distracting the zombies to let the person in the car escape. Once again, not really enough information to answer correctly, but I can run a marathon and can outrun at least 95% of humanity, so I figure I can lose some zombies if need be, especially since I get to plan my escape in advance. In most survival situations, each additional person is an asset, not a liability until the group size becomes very large. More eyes and ears, ability to sit watches, larger knowledge base and so forth are all important. So it’s worth making an effort to rescue others provided if the risk is small.
75% - chose the pipe, covered my ears to the zombie-food screaming in the car!
Ok I think you are our ultimate zombie survivor so far, but how exactly do you know so much about chainsawing bone?
As I said, I’ve used them to butcher animals. They’re not an uncommon tool in farm butchery where electric tools just aren’t available.
Okay, something tells me Blake has thought about this waaaay too much. It’s fictional buddy, not to bust your bubble here, but zombies are not about to attack any time soon. Now, that being said, I disagree with your view on the chainsaw. Sure, regular bones are hard to cut through, but we’re talkin’ about zombie bones here, and IMO, zombie bones are kinda’ soft and squishy, a chainsaw would rip through like a hot butter knife on…well…butter. I never think of zombies being fast, they’re slow and lumbering, mostly cause they’re about to fall apart anyway all on their on, they just need a good kick to the head and it’s over. The thing that’s dangerous about them is the fact that where there’s one, there’s a horde just around the corner. Yes, maybe there would be a slight problem with flying guts, but the only way (IMO) to become a zombie is to be bitten by a zombie, or have an open wound that zombie juice can get into, so as long as you don’t get cut or aren’t bleeding, you’re fine.
Now, I have officially reinstated the chainsaw for service. Zombie slayers, start your engines!! 
I just did as well, and got 102%. Take that zombies! And dude trapped in the car, who I left to die.
I’d take that with a very healthy grain of salt though. 
Having read several zombie stories (the latest I read was the Ex-Hero’s, Ex-Patriots stories) I’d guess that it will depend mostly on luck, and highly dependent on exactly what the disease is, how it actually spreads and where you happen to be when the outbreak starts and progresses. If I and my (extended) family are up in my families cabin in the mountains that would be better than if I’m tooling around (alone) in New York on business when the fecal matter hits the rotary impeller device.
-XT
~74%. I chose the chainsaw. An old hunting rifle would likely be bolt action and only be able to hold a handful of rounds. With an unknown quantity of enemies I’d rather have something that I could use on multiple enemies quickly. Of course, if the chainsaw didn’t start immediately I’d grab the rifle or the pipe, depending on how close the zombies were.
Of course, it’s all moot. I never understood the zombie obsession and especially don’t understand the people who seem to genuinely think it could happen.
Oh that’s bullshit…54% Utter bullshit.
But anyway… in that scenario the chainsaw actually IS the best of the three. Otherwise… a chainsaw is probably one of the worst long term weapons to use in the Zombie Apocalypse. It’s heavy, unwieldly and requires fuel.
The chainsaw is always the worst option for several reasons. First off, it allows the zombie to get close to you…I certainly don’t want to be in bite range of something that wants to eat me AND will give me the same thing. :eek: Secondly, assuming this is some sort of disease, you are going to have body fluids spraying everywhere, so your odds of getting the disease are greater.
IMHO keeping the zombies at maximum range is always the best idea. The other stuff is just for movies.
-XT
92.43…% here. As ole Hank Jr. says, “A country boy can survive” (well at least a little better)
I’m in pretty good shape and pretty up on camping, hunting, starting fires without matches, and have a pretty good assortment of weapons, plus I live in the country so I have lots of open areas to run and hide in. I figure big cities are more prime hunting grounds for zombies then rural low population areas.
Oh and I picked the gun in the basement and helped the person in the car also.
Even if you had extensive experience using a chainsaw for lumber work, it would suck as a weapon. It’s clumsy and jerks back if you touch the tip to anything solid. You’d probably cut up your own face. Also that’s a lot of fumes in an enclosed area, as the post above points out.
FWIW, the BEST Zombie movie I’ve ever seen is “Fido.”
It’s HILARIOUS.
All the other Zombie movies I’ve seen are disgusting.
~VOW
Okay, I’m picking **Blake ** and TXCowboy for my team. 
Seen Zombieland?