Oy, Vey! Maria
- I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus*
We Three Queens
Rudolph the Differently Proboscussed Reindeer
Here We Go A-Wind Sailing
More?
Actually, this one really exists. I heard it several years ago on a local radio station, along with I Found the Brains of Santa Claus, and Something Stuck Up In the Chimney. And I used to have a copy of it on tape.
Since someone’s bound to do it anyway, let me just un-nominate any Christmas song by Kevin Bloody Wilson. They have all been done. Really. This includes gems as “Hey Santa Claus you Cunt” and “Ho Ho Fucking Ho”. 
Santa’s Drunk Again
I Lit the Candles on the Tree (And Now the House Burned Down)
O Little Town of Hoboken
All Around the Channakah Bush
I Want a Misfit Toy for Christmas
Puddles, the Florida Snowman
"Gotta’ Restraining Order on Ye, Merry Gentleman"
*Gotta’ restraining order on ye, merry gentleman, so best stay fifty feet…
or soon enough a squad car and some pepper spray ye meet.
'Cause that obscene act ye performed in my bushes I will not have you repeat!
chorus: Oh, those tidings of comfort and joy from Tequilla have consequences, yea! *
Where’s Fenris when you need him?
Have a Talibany Christmas.
With Ossama La Badin.
Hijack the planes, blow out your brains.
Destroy the land of sin.
Have a Talibany Chirstmas.
Wear your clean budpas.
Wear your chadors, eat the taters.
Sing fa la la la las.
Ho, ho the mistletoe
Hung where you can see.
An infidel waits for you.
Kill him twice for me.
Have a Talibany Christmas
And in case you didn’t hear.
Oh by Allah, don’t serve no challah.
We had a Talibany Christmas this year.
I couldn’t tell you why, but this was keeps making me giggle.
O Cum, All Ye Faithful
Hark! The Hari Krishnas sing
Lo, How A Salvation Army Volunteer E’er Ringing
Carol of the Sales
The-u Fir-ust Ramadan the-e angels did sa-ay!
- Do You Smell What I Smell?
- Whose Child is This?
- A Gray in the Manger!
- Single Belles
- Angels We Have Heard Get High
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - So Did Daddy, and They Wound Up on COPS”
“Winter Wonderland My Ass - If That Fricking Snowplow Blocks the Driveway Again I Am Getting the Shotgun”
“Angels We Have Heard On High - What the Hell Was In That Eggnog, Anyway?”
“The Little Accordian Boy”
“Rudolf the Brown Nosed Reindeer”
“Deck the Halls With Pieces of the Latest Suicide Bomber”
Merry Christmas, and God bless us - everyone.
Regards,
Shodan
Along the same lines:
T’was the night before christmas,
and all through the house,
Mice were playing.
Because the cat was dead.
Twas the night before Xmas and all through the house
Everyone felt shitty including the mouse
Ma’s at the whore house, dad’s smoking grass
I had just settled down to a nice piece of ass
Check Yer Balls if You’ve Done Holly
Fa La La La La, La La La La
Infection odds are better than prob’ly
Fa La La La La, La La La La
You didn’t don your safe apparel
Fa La La, La La La, La La La
Now it’s penicillin by the barrel
Fa La La La La, La La La Laaaaaaaaa!
Chest cups roasting on an open fire…
*We three kings disoriented are,
Bearings lost we travelled too far,
Field and fountain, whores for mountin’,
Following young pop star.
O, star of Wonder Bra delight,
Star with royal ass so tight,
Screw Justin pleading for proceeding,
Britany’s thighs are within our sights. *
[Jack Nicholson]
'Twas the night before Christmas
At my mansion in Bel Air
We were having a party
And the Lakers were there
The music was playing
And everything was cool
We had an orgy in the living room
And skinny dipping in the pool
When up on the roof
There arose such a clatter
I sprang off Cher
To see what was the matter
Sliding down the chimney
Like a sack full of sht
It was this fat son of a btch
in a bright red outfit
He dusted himself off
And said with a smile,
“I’ve been waiting on this stop
For the past hundred miles”
He popped a few pills
And did a few lines
Danced a couple of dances
And pinched a few behinds
And I heard him exclaim
As he staggered towards the door
“Ho-f*cking-ho!”
And then he fit the floor
So if Santa doesn’t make it
To your house this year
There’s no need to worry
He’ll be right here
[/Jack Nicholson]
*Silent fart, holy cow!
All ain’t calm in my trou.
Run young asthmatic Mother and Child.
Holey rectum so tender and wild.
Christ, my drawers hold a piece,
Christ, my drawers hold a piece.
Silent fart, holy cow!
Butt cheeks quake, oh and how.
Methane streaming from anus so far.
Party hosts blame pickles from jar.
Christ, a flavor is born.
Christ, a flavor is born.
Silent fart, holy cow!
Chip off block stains me now.
Radient beams from my holey arse,
Cause conversations to suddenly parse,
I’m a guy that gave birth.
I’m a guy that gave birth.*
Jack Frost roasting, on an open fiiiiire…
Chestnuts nipping at your nose… Huh? Oh, sorry…
*It’s Beginning to Smell a Lot Like Christmas
Oh West Bank Town of Bethlehem
Opal we have heard say “Hi”
I Saw Mommy Riding Santa Claus
Bob Rivers (www.twistedtunes.com) has three CDs worth of hysterical Christmas tunes.
I’ve seen some listed above (There’s something stuck up in the Chimney…)
The newest one from last year is pretty good “Chipmunks roasting on an open fire”
I made up a few in High School:
We Three Queers
Jingle Balls
I Saw Mommy F*cking Santa Claus (we’re not in the pit, so…)
and:
Here Cums Santa Claus (here cums Santa Claus, right down Mommy’s leg!)