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  #1  
Old 12-04-2001, 01:27 PM
Doctor Jackson Doctor Jackson is offline
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Oy, Vey! Maria
I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus
We Three Queens
Rudolph the Differently Proboscussed Reindeer
Here We Go A-Wind Sailing


More?
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  #2  
Old 12-04-2001, 01:37 PM
Superdude Superdude is online now
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Quote:
Originally posted by Doctor Jackson

I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus

More?
Actually, this one really exists. I heard it several years ago on a local radio station, along with I Found the Brains of Santa Claus, and Something Stuck Up In the Chimney. And I used to have a copy of it on tape.
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  #3  
Old 12-04-2001, 01:48 PM
Coldfire Coldfire is offline
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Since someone's bound to do it anyway, let me just un-nominate any Christmas song by Kevin Bloody Wilson. They have all been done. Really. This includes gems as "Hey Santa Claus you Cunt" and "Ho Ho Fucking Ho".
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  #4  
Old 12-04-2001, 03:17 PM
screech-owl screech-owl is offline
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Santa's Drunk Again
I Lit the Candles on the Tree (And Now the House Burned Down)
O Little Town of Hoboken
All Around the Channakah Bush
I Want a Misfit Toy for Christmas
Puddles, the Florida Snowman
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  #5  
Old 12-04-2001, 03:34 PM
Inky- Inky- is offline
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"Gotta' Restraining Order on Ye, Merry Gentleman"

Gotta' restraining order on ye, merry gentleman, so best stay fifty feet...

or soon enough a squad car and some pepper spray ye meet.

'Cause that obscene act ye performed in my bushes I will not have you repeat!

chorus: Oh, those tidings of comfort and joy from Tequilla have consequences, yea!
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  #6  
Old 12-04-2001, 03:41 PM
Tranquilis Tranquilis is offline
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Where's Fenris when you need him?
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  #7  
Old 12-04-2001, 03:45 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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The absolute lowest...

Have a Talibany Christmas.
With Ossama La Badin.
Hijack the planes, blow out your brains.
Destroy the land of sin.

Have a Talibany Chirstmas.
Wear your clean budpas.
Wear your chadors, eat the taters.
Sing fa la la la las.

Ho, ho the mistletoe
Hung where you can see.
An infidel waits for you.
Kill him twice for me.

Have a Talibany Christmas
And in case you didn't hear.
Oh by Allah, don't serve no challah.
We had a Talibany Christmas this year.
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  #8  
Old 12-04-2001, 04:45 PM
Beadalin Beadalin is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by screech-owl:
O Little Town of Hoboken
I couldn't tell you why, but this was keeps making me giggle.

O Cum, All Ye Faithful
Hark! The Hari Krishnas sing
Lo, How A Salvation Army Volunteer E'er Ringing
Carol of the Sales
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  #9  
Old 12-04-2001, 06:52 PM
swampbear swampbear is offline
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The-u Fir-ust Ramadan the-e angels did sa-ay!
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  #10  
Old 12-04-2001, 08:23 PM
Biotop Biotop is offline
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1. Do You Smell What I Smell?
2. Whose Child is This?
3. A Gray in the Manger!
4. Single Belles
5. Angels We Have Heard Get High
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  #11  
Old 12-04-2001, 09:19 PM
Shodan Shodan is offline
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"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - So Did Daddy, and They Wound Up on COPS"

"Winter Wonderland My Ass - If That Fricking Snowplow Blocks the Driveway Again I Am Getting the Shotgun"

"Angels We Have Heard On High - What the Hell Was In That Eggnog, Anyway?"

"The Little Accordian Boy"

"Rudolf the Brown Nosed Reindeer"

"Deck the Halls With Pieces of the Latest Suicide Bomber"

Merry Christmas, and God bless us - everyone.

Regards,
Shodan
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  #12  
Old 12-04-2001, 09:24 PM
clayton_e clayton_e is offline
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Along the same lines:

T'was the night before christmas,
and all through the house,
Mice were playing.
Because the cat was dead.
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Buy Whizzo butter.
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  #13  
Old 12-04-2001, 09:36 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is online now
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Twas the night before Xmas and all through the house
Everyone felt shitty including the mouse
Ma's at the whore house, dad's smoking grass
I had just settled down to a nice piece of ass
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  #14  
Old 12-05-2001, 10:37 AM
Doctor Jackson Doctor Jackson is offline
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Check Yer Balls if You've Done Holly
Fa La La La La, La La La La
Infection odds are better than prob'ly
Fa La La La La, La La La La

You didn't don your safe apparel
Fa La La, La La La, La La La
Now it's penicillin by the barrel
Fa La La La La, La La La Laaaaaaaaa!
__________________
After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. -- P. J. O'Rourke
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  #15  
Old 12-05-2001, 10:42 AM
lieu lieu is offline
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Chest cups roasting on an open fire...
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  #16  
Old 12-05-2001, 10:56 AM
lieu lieu is offline
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We three kings disoriented are,
Bearings lost we travelled too far,
Field and fountain, whores for mountin',
Following young pop star.

O, star of Wonder Bra delight,
Star with royal ass so tight,
Screw Justin pleading for proceeding,
Britany's thighs are within our sights.
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  #17  
Old 12-05-2001, 10:56 AM
Superdude Superdude is online now
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This was an old local radio morning show bit...

[Jack Nicholson]
'Twas the night before Christmas
At my mansion in Bel Air
We were having a party
And the Lakers were there

The music was playing
And everything was cool
We had an orgy in the living room
And skinny dipping in the pool

When up on the roof
There arose such a clatter
I sprang off Cher
To see what was the matter

Sliding down the chimney
Like a sack full of sh*t
It was this fat son of a b*tch
in a bright red outfit

He dusted himself off
And said with a smile,
"I've been waiting on this stop
For the past hundred miles"

He popped a few pills
And did a few lines
Danced a couple of dances
And pinched a few behinds

And I heard him exclaim
As he staggered towards the door
"Ho-f*cking-ho!"
And then he fit the floor

So if Santa doesn't make it
To your house this year
There's no need to worry
He'll be right here
[/Jack Nicholson]
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  #18  
Old 12-05-2001, 11:20 AM
lieu lieu is offline
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Silent fart, holy cow!
All ain't calm in my trou.
Run young asthmatic Mother and Child.
Holey rectum so tender and wild.
Christ, my drawers hold a piece,
Christ, my drawers hold a piece.

Silent fart, holy cow!
Butt cheeks quake, oh and how.
Methane streaming from anus so far.
Party hosts blame pickles from jar.
Christ, a flavor is born.
Christ, a flavor is born.

Silent fart, holy cow!
Chip off block stains me now.
Radient beams from my holey arse,
Cause conversations to suddenly parse,
I'm a guy that gave birth.
I'm a guy that gave birth.
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  #19  
Old 12-05-2001, 11:28 AM
Kilt-wearin' man Kilt-wearin' man is offline
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Jack Frost roasting, on an open fiiiiire....
Chestnuts nipping at your nose...
Huh? Oh, sorry...

[i]It's Beginning to Smell a Lot Like Christmas
Oh West Bank Town of Bethlehem
Opal we have heard say "Hi"
I Saw Mommy Riding Santa Claus
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What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? Shoes.
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  #20  
Old 12-05-2001, 11:35 AM
FalconFinder FalconFinder is offline
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Bob Rivers (www.twistedtunes.com) has three CDs worth of hysterical Christmas tunes.

I've seen some listed above (There's something stuck up in the Chimney...)

The newest one from last year is pretty good "Chipmunks roasting on an open fire"

I made up a few in High School:

We Three Queers
Jingle Balls
I Saw Mommy F*cking Santa Claus (we're not in the pit, so..)
and:

Here Cums Santa Claus (here cums Santa Claus, right down Mommy's leg!)
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  #21  
Old 12-05-2001, 11:35 AM
Olentzero Olentzero is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kilt-wearin' man
I Saw Mommy Riding Santa Claus
Spike Jones did "I saw Mommy Screwing Santa Claus". The master apparently was destroyed by Spike Jr., but I've had credible sources claim they've heard it.

Angels Using Holes of Glory

um... can't think of any more
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  #22  
Old 12-05-2001, 11:51 AM
Skelji Skelji is offline
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Rudolph the Big Gay Reindeer
Had a very shiny rear
Covered with globs of K-Y
Everyone knew he was queer

All of the other gay reindeer
Used to sing and write him poems
They couldn't wait to mount Rudolph
And bury all their reindeer bones!

Then one drunken Christmas Eve
Santa came to play
"Rudolph with your ass so tight,
Can I please bang you tonight?"

All of the elves they joined in
(Though a few of them winced in pain)
They lined up in Santa's workshop
And made a Merry Christmas daisy chain!
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  #23  
Old 12-05-2001, 12:12 PM
Mauvaise Mauvaise is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tranquilis
Where's Fenris when you need him?
Bah, who needs Fenris when we've got Dire Wolf
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  #24  
Old 12-05-2001, 12:28 PM
Tranquilis Tranquilis is offline
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Gotta say, Dire Wolf, that was inspired!
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  #25  
Old 12-05-2001, 12:29 PM
Waverly Waverly is offline
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I Saw Mommy Felching Santa Claus
The Little Hummer Boy
Hark! The Harlot Angels Sing
The First [time for] Noel
Good King Worcestershiresauce
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  #26  
Old 12-05-2001, 12:58 PM
Drew Blade Drew Blade is offline
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I can't vouch for Rudolf the Brown Nosed Reindeer, but I have a copy of "Randolph the Brown Nose Reindeer" (He was just as fast as Rudolf but he couldn't stop as quick".) And a song about Santa getting a DWI.
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  #27  
Old 12-05-2001, 01:21 PM
Arwen Arwen is offline
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An acual song-The Arrogant Worms

Santa's coming and he's gonna KICK your ass,
he's gonna kick your ass,
he's gonna kick your ass...
Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass,
Cause you've always been a rotten little brat.

Reindeer coming and they're gonna bite your wreath,
thery're gonna chew your welcome mat,
swallow your kitty cat,
Reindeer coming and they're gonna eat your begonias,
Cause Santa hasn't fed them in a month.

Santa's coming and he's gonna KICK your ass,
he's gonna kick your ass,
he's gonna kick your ass...
Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass,
Cause he's sick of shoveling snow and reindeer poo.

Elves are coming and they're gonna steal your turkey,
Wreck your TV,
Burn down your Christmas tree,
Elves are coming and they're gonna trash your home,
Cause they ain't got nothing else to do.

Santa's loaded with attitude,
He's loud and drunk and smelly and rude.
His workshop's been closed by an auditor,
And Mrs. Claus ran off with her chiropractor.

Santa's coming and he's gonna KICK your ass,
he's gonna kick your ass,
he's gonna kick your ass...
Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass,
Cause he's had a really crappy year!

oooooooooh, my bum hurts!



See also "Santa Got Arrested", by the same group...
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  #28  
Old 12-05-2001, 01:36 PM
Meatros Meatros is offline
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Naughty Nazi Christmas Carol

Now to clarify I did not make this up nor do I condone it's message. Also forgive my spelling...

Riding through the Reich,
In a big Mercedes bin
shooting lots of kikes
making lots of friends
rat tat tat tat tat
mow them mothers down
Isn't it great to have the Nazi's back in town.


Wow that certainly is a poor taste christmas carol. I shall now beat myself with a bat.
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  #29  
Old 12-05-2001, 04:11 PM
Inky- Inky- is offline
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Dire Wolf that's wonderful!

But wrong! Wrong! Just plain wrong!! Shame!

... but still wonderful!
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  #30  
Old 12-06-2001, 12:26 PM
dwc1970 dwc1970 is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by So Far So Good
I can't vouch for Rudolf the Brown Nosed Reindeer, but I have a copy of "Randolph the Brown Nose Reindeer" (He was just as fast as Rudolf but he couldn't stop as quick".) And a song about Santa getting a DWI.
"Rudolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer" exists. I recorded it off of Dr. Demento several years ago.
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  #31  
Old 12-06-2001, 02:07 PM
lieu lieu is offline
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Location: Bedrock
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C cups roasting near an open fire
Jack's gal nipping at his hose
Girlfriend Carol being played like a lyre
Nekkid couples dressed in birthday clothes

Everybody knows a little snack and nibbled toes
Help to make the moment right
Tater tots with their eyes all aglow
Will help Mr. Potatohead come tonight

They know that climax is on it's way
From using adult toys and pics of Doris Day
And every naughty little date is going to spy
To see if monkeys out a butt can really fly

And so I'm offering this simple wish
To adults that frequent the SDMB
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Party naked, indeed.
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  #32  
Old 12-06-2001, 02:07 PM
Knowed Out Knowed Out is offline
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Hark the Hairlip Angels sing
fnrr fnrr fnrr fuh fnrr fnrr fnrrrrrr
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  #33  
Old 12-06-2001, 03:02 PM
Doctor Jackson Doctor Jackson is offline
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Quote:
fnrr fnrr fnrr fuh fnrr fnrr fnrrrrrr
HA!
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  #34  
Old 12-06-2001, 04:04 PM
LouisB LouisB is offline
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Thought Police

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better be good, I'm telling you why,
Ashcroft's cops are coming after you.

They'll throw you in the jailhouse,
They'll beat you with their sticks,
They'll whack you till you're black and blue,
Thats how they get their kicks.

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better be good, I'm telling you why,
Ashcroft's cops are coming after you.

They watch you when you're sleeping,
They listen when you're awake,
They know every thought in your head,
And every move you make.

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better be good, I'm telling you why,
Ashcroft's cops are coming after you.

They'll lock you in the pokey,
They'll keep you till you die,
They'll say that they suspect you,
But they never will say why.
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Timor Mortis Conturbat Me
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  #35  
Old 12-06-2001, 04:30 PM
rjung rjung is offline
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I will also vouch for "Rudolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer," as well as "Leroy, the Redneck Reindeer".

But nothing beats "Weird Al" Yankovic's Christmas At Ground Zero for sheer laughability, IMO.

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost 'side your windowsill.
But if someone's climbing down the chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill.
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Electric Escape -- Information superhighway rest area #10,186
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