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#1
03-31-2002, 02:29 AM
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What would you do? Gross but realistic
The event to be discussed actually happened a few weeks ago and the question of "What would YOU do came up:
You visit an acqaintance's home for lunch, dinner, or what have you. It might be just you or one or more other people. A call to nature occurs involving no. 2..and you get directions to the guest bathroom. All goes well but when you flush, nothing happens and the disgusting bowel contents are floating in the bowl. You look for a plunger and there is none. You try to get the toilet to flush again and you are totally unsuccessful. The individual involved said she was so embarrassed that she picked the contents from the toilet bowl by hand and squished it into the sink. Serious question: What would you have done in this situation....take the toilet cover off the back and put it on the seat and quickly run out to find the host or hostess if either is present or?????? 
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#2
03-31-2002, 02:34 AM
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You're right; this IS gross.
I guess first I'd go re-read "Me Talk Pretty One Day" by David Sedaris. Then I'd leave the bathroom, close the door, and pretend nothing happened. Someone will find it eventually. Mind you, I'm not saying this is what one SHOULD do; this is my best guess at what I WOULD do.
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#3
03-31-2002, 02:40 AM
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I'd probably wrap it up in toilet paper and throw it out the window...
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#4
03-31-2002, 02:44 AM
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Now that IS the definitive difference between She's and He's. She's (of which I am a member) will dispose of the, er, um, refuse in the most inconspicuous way, while He's will leave the 'remains' for the host/hostess.
And I apologize for the overuse of apostrophes.
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#5
03-31-2002, 02:50 AM
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Go find the host.....
....and ask for a plunger, and I would handle the rest myself. I would, under no circumstances allow the host to clean it up, simply because it was a mess that I made during a private act of elimination.
Okay, maybe there was something wrong with the toilet. If so, maybe this will embarass them enough to get the damn thing fixed, but you know what? The toilet in my place has such a small drain that I sometimes have to stop and flush once and then continue. That could be the case in your example. I sure as hell wouldn't squish the damn things into the sink!  Your post brought back a teenage memory: The same thing happened to me at my girlfriend's house. No plunger, but there was a window, so I just wrapped them bad boys in toilet tissue and tossed them outside, meaning to pick them up before driving home. I forgot to do this. But luckily it was never mentioned. Those were the days, my friend!  Quasi
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#6
03-31-2002, 03:09 AM
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Unfortunately in this case there was no window in the bathroom and she was too embarrassed to leave the room to find the host as everyone at the table knew she just went to the bathroom.... Now what?
__________________
To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of ignorance. Amos Bronson Alcott
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#7
03-31-2002, 03:13 AM
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Quote:
Aww, come on! That was years ago!  Welcome to the Boards, BTW Quasi
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#8
03-31-2002, 03:22 AM
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OK, in that case I'd wrap it up in toilet paper and hide it. Or take it back to the table with me and say I'd found it somewhere.
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#10
03-31-2002, 04:18 AM
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Quote:
Quasi
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#11
03-31-2002, 04:20 AM
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See, this is why I've spent a long time building up invincible bowels. I can hold it in for several days if I have to and still be fine. But when, at the end of those several days, I finally release it, watch out... I'd need me a whole book of matches to keep that air non-toxic.
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#13
03-31-2002, 10:42 AM
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nothing happens when you flush?
as in no overflow? Well if that were the case I would pop the top off the back and maunally flush the damn thing. If that did not work and I could not fix it to flush at least that one time. Find the Host.
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#15
03-31-2002, 11:53 AM
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Quote:
 I agree with Osip - home toilets are pretty simple mechanisms, and if "nothing" happened (as opposed to the toilet actually being clogged) when the handle was pulled, all you have to do is take off the lid and pull up the plunger in the middle. I suppose most people wouldn't know this, but even so, squishing her own shit down the sink?! Not only is that GROSS, it's very unhygienic! You can also flush most home toilets by pouring a large amount of water (at least a half-gallon) into the bowl all at once from a pitcher or two. This is helpful if the tank is empty and won't fill. Now I want to know: who is this woman who would rather squeeze her own shit like play-doh than ask for help with the toilet from another person?
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#16
03-31-2002, 01:49 PM
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Lizard: The girl is perfectly normal and healthy. When asked why she didn't just go out and look for the host, she replied that the homeowner whose house this occurred was outside eating at a table with an intimate group of people..and once again felt embarrassed with conversation stopping while she asked for the plunger.
Now what do you do if No. 2 is performed and then you realize after the act that there is no toilet paper????.
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#17
03-31-2002, 02:33 PM
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If you're sittin' on the john and the toilet papers gone be a man, use your hand!
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#18
03-31-2002, 10:53 PM
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Quote:
What's the chords to that? Quasi
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#19
04-01-2002, 02:46 AM
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Pop the top off the back. If there is water inside, pull the cord by hand. If there is no water inside, find a container of some kind and fill it with water from the tap.
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#20
04-01-2002, 04:54 AM
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Quote:
Now if you don't have a hose, what I guess you could do is flush, then use the clean water that refills the loo as a sort of bidet. Then wash very very very thoroughly your hands the basin (if you couldn't sit in the basin and use that as a bidet) then shower well as soon as you got home. Or you could just get skids I suppose... but only males get those don't they?
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#21
04-01-2002, 09:27 AM
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Good grief, it's just poop--what's so bad about leaving it?
I would simply ask the host for a plunger, or wait a few minutes for the water to soften the dookie and try flushing again. If there was no success, I would close the lid and affix a Post-It or some such note warning future users that the toilet isn't flushing correctly.
I see no need to remove it from the bowl--that just seems absurd! After all... ...shit happens.
__________________
Rule number one: Horse people are nuts. Rule number two: If you don't know any horse people who are nuts, it's YOU.
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#23
04-01-2002, 10:11 AM
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Re: Good grief, it's just poop--what's so bad about leaving it?
Quote:
dookie, dookie,dookie take a lookie see it rising Up Up Up Watch Your feet grab an old towel to mop it up. Whew just hit the rim and back in. Don't flush again!
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#24
04-01-2002, 10:17 AM
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1.) Remove lid from top of water reservoir tank behind toilet.
2.) Collect sea pickles from bowl and place in said reservoir. 3.) Replace lid. 4.) Position self so shocked face of next angler can be see exiting the spawning room.
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#25
04-01-2002, 11:42 AM
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Why am I here?
And, more importantly, why am I loving this thread? I'm near tears over here!!!
At any rate, I'm going for the "male" M.O. here--go find the host/hostess and ask for a plunger, then wrestle him or her for the right to take care of the problem, if necessary. However, there is a third option: leave the lid open and call the dog....
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#26
04-01-2002, 11:57 AM
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Yep, ask for a plunger. Everyone who feels embarrassed about admitting that they go to the bathroom, sing this song to yourself (or out loud!) until you can face reality:
Everyone goes poo-poo Yes indeed they do Everyone goes poo-poo I do--do you? Search the whole world over Travel near and far And everyone goes poo-poo No matter who they are. (Stolen from Sesame Street and modified--it was "Everyone loves ice cream.")
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#28
04-01-2002, 12:09 PM
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I could never, ever do #2 at a friends house, especially during a dinner party. Actually, I couldn't even do it at my own house during a dinner party. For the most part I have bowels of steel. Now that I think about it I haven't done #2 anywhere but home in years. And no, I haven't been away on vacation in years.
Honey
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#29
04-01-2002, 12:14 PM
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Quote:
Somebody at my sister's housewarming party used the hand towel. It was rinsed out, then hung back up. Someone else had used the empty toilet paper roll and put it in the trash.
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#30
04-01-2002, 12:31 PM
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Re: Re: Why am I here?
Quote:
Hell, sometimes I wonder what MY dog (a labbish mutt) is doing out there in the backyard sometimes, with the breath she brings back into the house.... 
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#31
04-02-2002, 02:48 AM
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I could not fish my own turds out of the toilet. I can't imagine scooping my own poop out of the toilet and hiding it or something. (well, maybe if I accidentally swallowed a diamond ring and shat it out. Maybe.) However, I suppose it is creative, in a freaky kinda way, to wrap up your own crap in toilet paper and fling it out the window. But squishing it down the sink?? Again, I'll say we need a barfing smiley.
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#32
04-02-2002, 09:13 AM
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If you needed a plunger wouldn't the toliet have overflowed?
Then you would need a mop as well. However learning the basic mechanics of the toliet bowl is one of the great things in life. You will fear the bathroom much less if you know how it works.
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#33
04-02-2002, 09:27 AM
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In reality, I'll fish for bass or compliments but there ain't no frikken' way I'm gonna reach into the shitter and pull a fresh steamer out. I think the onus (yes, that's onus with an "o") should be put back on the homeowner/host. You wanna have a dinner party or house warming? Check your bathroom beforehand, stockboy. You need to have (1) a full roll of butt tickets, (2) a plunger that could suck Jessica McClure out of a velcro glove and (3) matchbooks from a Mexican restaurant.
Anything less and you're flirting with becoming a shitty host.
__________________
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt
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#34
04-02-2002, 09:56 AM
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It's easy to second guess here and say, "Of course I'd go ask for a plunger or whatever instrument is necessary to take care of business." But in the heat of the moment, panic takes over.
I know because something like this happened to my SO. Only it wasn't poo that got stuck in the toilet, it was the hostess' pumpkin pie. It was her first dinner party and Thanksgiving. The whole meal was awful; the turkey was underdone, the corn-on-the-cob tasted like rubber- you get the picture. Well Eddie couldn't choke down the pie so he took it with him when he went in the bathroom and tried to flush it down the toilet!! When it wouldn't go down, he called me in. I thought he was sick or had run out of TP. We had whispered hysterics trying to get that pie flushed. I think he eventually attacked it into a 100 pieces with the end of a toothbrush and it got sucked down. Gosh, what a terrible memory!
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#35
04-02-2002, 10:16 AM
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Quote:
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#37
04-02-2002, 07:55 PM
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at the risk of being rational...
first: make the toilet flush (practice at home!)
second: lower the seat, remove tank lid (I was going to say 'tank top', but not with this crowd) and place lid sideways on seat. This is an old signal 'do not use - out of order' when one enlists in the campaign against ignorance, one must expect to find one's self in strange locales...
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#38
04-02-2002, 11:53 PM
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Something that has saved me a few times: if the toilet starts to overflow and there's no plunger in sight, or it isn't working, there's usually a water valve on the side of the toilet. It's a little metal thing connected to a hose. Twist until water is turned off, and wait a few minutes. The toilet will usually flush itself after that. Even if it doesn't, it still buys you some time AND saves the floor.
Just remember to turn the water back on after the toilet flushes itself. That way, no one has to stuff crap down the sink.
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#39
04-03-2002, 02:17 AM
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What would be wrong with whispering in the host's ear that you took a dump and the toilet won't flush. Odds are the host may have known the crapper was inoperative. Stuffing it down the sink is gross, and I for one I'm glad I didn't have to kiss her hand, or ask her to pass me a bun or something.
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#40
04-03-2002, 05:55 AM
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Don't any of you neanderthals know how to use the three seashells?
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#41
04-03-2002, 11:04 AM
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Quote:
How can there be ANY other options?? <shaking head...>
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