The grossest thing that can happen while pooping

My vote: when you drop off a little turdlett and the water splashes back up to hit you in the buttcrack. Eeeeewwwwwww.

Yeah, that’s pretty bad.

Non-routine: TMI Picture it: raging diarrhea. So smelly it makes me have to stand up and vomit. The force of the vomitting makes my nose start bleeding. I would say it was my lowest point, ever.

Raises Finger Check Please.

You know, I think I’ve got the invention of a lifetime to solve this very problem. I’ve been thinking about it for years (shush). I think I know what I’d need to solve it, but I don’t have the knowledge with chemicals and what is septic/waste treatment facility safe.

By the way, gigi, that is a low point. I always had a related question: if you were taking a shit and had to throw up, what takes precedence? Do you get up and risk a turd in the tub to throw up, do you try to aim between your legs, or do you chuck yesterday’s lunch into the sink?

We should get pitted for this.

gigi’s incident is gross, but out of the ordinary. What’s gross and ordinary is getting a rip in the toilet paper while wiping and getting poop on your hand or under your nail.

This is exactly the time to hope you do not have a wire mesh wastebasket in your bathroom!

Seriously, the one time it happened to me, I grabbed a smallish bucket my little girl keeps in the bathroom for playing in water, and puked in that.

But here’s the worst thing that happens to me with any kind of regularity: (spoilered for TMI; guys, you’ve been warned)

When I have my period, and I’m a little constipated at the same time, and I have to use a bit of, well, force, to expel what I need to expel, and the force makes the menstrual fluid gush at the same time. Ewwwwwww.

I was just picking dirt out of my nails with my teeth as I read that. I hate you.

See? It serves you right for not using the proper tool - your car keys.

Slightly off-topic, but this is a trick that I sadly didn’t learn until relatively late in life, and I’m wondering if I was the only one who went ignorant for many years: if you know you are going to have diarrhea, you put a wad of toilet paper in the toilet first, and it completely eliminates the splash problem.

I really wish I knew that during my heavy drinking days.

Actually, I once saw a pic in glorious colour of ‘the grossest thing that can happen while pooping’.

It was in a textbook entitled Parasitology. I’d describe it, but I doubt anyone would thank me for the effort. :wink:

Unsurprisingly, we’ve debated this already

You know, remove that link, and you have the perfect five-word summary of the Straight Dope Message Board.

edit: wrong thread

Have you ever looked at a thread title, wondered why you’d ever want to open that thread, then opened it anyway and continued to wonder what the hell you were thinking?

I don’t ask for any reason in particular.

And just so this isn’t a drive-by, I’m going to second Caricci’s comment.

For some reason I’m reminded of Dreamcatcher. And not in a good way.

I have to save that for my ears.

Unsurprisingly, I posted in that thread. Heh.

That, I can handle. What I hate is when I lean forward to wipe, and dunk my junk in the bowl. Particularly when I’m in a public restroom.

You go to wipe and you discover the worm is still attached.

User name for this thread is now “CrustyButt”

Just for the record… that’s never happened to me!