My daughter, who is 15 - 16 in August, is away at Camp. She’s a counselor in training for the summer and won’t return home until August 2. I can go visit on the weekends if I want, she has saturdays off and the camp is only 1 1/2 hour drive.
So she calls me Sunday and asks to get her belly button pierced. Said she would pay for it out of her camp money. I said no, gave her my reasons and refused to talk about it.
She called back the other day and we got into a huge argument (something that we don’t usually do) about it. She’s insistent. One of her friends at camp is getting hers pierced this weekend and her cousin who’s also at camp got hers pierced last year (cousin is 19). Anyway she expressed the feeling that this was sort of a “rite of passage” to do something kind of wild and daring while away from home.
I think it’s a bad idea for the following reasons (in order of importance):
Everyone in my family, including DD is sensitive to metals. I have to be very careful which earrings I wear less my ears get inflamed and infected. I think the navel area will heal slower and be more prone to infection. Not to mention that a couple of my friends who have their navel pierced said it was much more painful than the ears.
I don’t like the message a belly button piercing sends to the casual observer. I think it makes a young girl look more “experienced” or “fast” (IMO). I don’t want my daughter to project that image.
I think she’s too young.
[Warning: This is where I project my lifelong weight issues on my daughter] I think she’s too chubby. She’s about 5’4" and 175 lbs. She’s extremely busty. she tends to carry her extra weight in her torso rather than in her thighs and hips like most women. I think that a belly button piercing looks best on a flat stomach and she doesn’t have that. I think in a person of her size it will look silly if not grotesque.
So, those are my reasons. I apologize if I’ve offended anyone with that last one and I realize that it’s my weight issues and my appearance issue coming out but it’s there and I can’t seem to shake it.
I told her that I’d think about it until I come for my visit on Saturday and then I’d let her know. What do you think?
I would say yes, because she’ll end up getting it anyways. As far as metals go, I wouldn’t be surprised if there are alternate materials available. Its probably just something she wants to do to fit in, and she’ll most likely end up taking it out. As far as the pain goes, its one of the easier ones from what I’ve heard.
I would say no. IMHO 15 is too young and it would project an image that you don’t want a 15 year old to have.
Maybe if she still wants it next year.
Of course you can’t really stop her if she wants to get it done. There are lots of things you can’t stop her from doing, but that doesn’t mean you can’t let her know you aren’t going to agree.
I don’t think she’s too young. 9, 10, 11, 12 - too young. 15, 16 - not too young.
If the metal issue is a real problem and there are no alternatives, then I’d say no way, no how.
I’ve never had a bell pierced, but will all these kids getting it done, you have to think the pain thing’s not that big of a deal. If nothing else, peer pressure will eliminate the pain stigma. Of course, if keeping the piercing clean and otherwise disinfected is tougher with a belly than an ear piercing…
But here’s a plus to consider - you can take the ring (or whatever) out, just like you would for an earring. (Someone will certainly correct me if I’m wrong.) If it starts to itch too much, she can remove it. If she doesn’t like the way it looks because of her body type, she can remove it. And alternatively, what if she loses weight (or at least has a flatter tummy)? Then it would look good.
And here’s another thing to consider. Such a piercing might look “fast” to you (I can think of other words), but it’s not the impression on you that matters the most, but rather the impression she has of herself. If it makes her feel better about herself, then perhaps she should do it. Also, bear in mind that she certainly would not be the only kid in the country to have it, so it’s not like she’d look like a freak or something. Kids today might be dressing a lot more scantily than we did when we were their age, but that doesn’t mean they actually are cheap and easy young people - it’s all relative to how they are perceived by their peers (and, ultimately, by themselves).
Well, I am all for being “cool” but I would say “no.” I had mine pierced back in law school. Didn’t hurt too much when I got it done–hurt DAMN bad the next day–any bending or shifting hurt it–it would get caught on my jeans–YEOUCH. And, sometimes, even with the “hypoallergenic” metals, you can still have problems. Mine was an on and off infection for 3 years no matter that I cleaned it regularly with the proper stuff…I even went toa doctor about it–he had one, too, but he told me sometimes the humna body can just be finicky and you can have different reaction than other people. He recommended taking it out–but I now have holes…they aren’t big, but they’re there…I dn’t think they’ll ever go away…
and I guess I’ll have to chime in on the aestetics issue, too. A little too much weight is fine, but why call attention to your middle if you are out of shape? My friends all made a pact that when/if they ever get flat tummies again, they will get theirs pierced… I don;t think you NEED a FLAT tummy, but if you have a roll or large pooch–why adorn it?
If they are still asking me for permission to do it, they are too young. When they have enough gumption to defy me and do it anyway, they are old enough (or, at least, old enough to learn the lesson of dealing with the consequences of their actions.)
(Note: I am talking about relatively minor things of this nature. Extreme self-destructive behaviors I actively prevent, whether they see fit to ask my persmission or not. )
I’m not entirely sure she’ll be able to get her navel done at all without your permission. I don’t know about your area, but around here places are very strict about not piercing anyone under 18 unless they have a parent present who can provide valid ID for both of them (including birth certificate if your last names differ). Most won’t pierce anyone under 16 anywhere but their earlobes. Check into the policies in your area, but she may be out of luck for a few more years.
Maybe you can talk her into geting her cartilage pierced. It’s just as much work and just as slow to heal as a belly button, I believe. If she doesn’t have a problem taking care of it, let her get the navel done. If she ends up taking it out (and most people I know did end up taking them out eventually) she may rethink the whole belly button thing. Sort of like buying a goldfish first to see if the kid’s ready for a puppy.
Yeah, I don’t think anyone will pierce a 15 y.o’s navel anyway, especially without consent (is that what she is asking for-- not just approval but legal consent?). Cousin, as you said, is 19, and I suspect that the friend, unless she’s 18, thinks she’s going to get hers done but will be sorely disappointed.
You’re lucky she still respects you enough to ask.
Also, you’ll be very lucky if her idea of a “wild and daring rite of passage” ends with a belly-button piercing. She sounds like a good kid.
As more and more kids get piercings, fewer people will associate piercings with “being fast”. I don’t think kids her age feel that way - they just think they’re cool.
You said that “everyone in the family, including DD is sensitive to metals”. DD is your (almost)16 year-old daughter?
If you decide to say yes, stress safety. Sterile needles, hypoallergenic jewelry, etc. And make her promise to take it out if it doesn’t heal properly or if it gets infected.
I think it’s a good idea to gradually give teens more freedom to make decisions. Even the freedom to make mistakes. I think the kids that never had any freedom at home are the ones who act the wildest when they get away (to college, for instance).
Of course, that’s a huge generalization and all I really know is what I read in the OP. I don’t mean to impugn your parenting skills. It’s still your decision.
I’d just be happy that your daughter is comfortable enough in her body to want to adorn it. It may look silly to you, but if more people of different body types have fun with their bodies and do things that are a bit sexy, I think we’d have a better world. I think it’s riduculous that the skinny have all the fun and everyone else is supposed to shroud themselves in shame.
Navel pierceings don’t make that much of a statement anymore. Heck, my mom just got hers done. It will be covered in polite company (job interviews, christmas dinner, that sort of thing…) and the jewelry can always be taken out. This isn’t like a tattoo or ritual amputation or something. There really arn’t a lot of permanent negative consequences.
I say let her go for it. Most of the people that I know who got pierceings at that age (includeing myself) regards their pierceings as fond rememberences of a confusing time full of little rebellions and small freedoms. You’ve got to choose your battles, and there will be bigger battles soon enough. By allowing her to do what is reasonable, even if it is a bit silly, you will gain enough credibility for her to listen to her when you forbid her from doing something that is truely unreasonable.
Plus, not to scare you or anything, but getting it done in a parlor is a lot preferable to her doing it with a safety pin and a lighter and then spending the rest of her life trying to keep it a secret from you, which is what most of my friends ended up doing when their parents said “no” to everything they asked.
Ok, I’m fifteen so let me give you my view point. As I’ve stated on one of the other boards, my parents can be a little overprotective at times. Their attitude only makes me want to do things to defy them. If I wanted my belly button pierced, their refusal to consent would not stop me. I would simply find a place that didn’t ask for age- and that place probably wouldn’t be as safe as another place. You should ok the idea- on the condition that you see the place that’s going to be piercing it first, so you can set your mind to rest about the sterility. About her weight- I would NOT recomend pointing that out. As a teenager, we can already be very self-conscious about our bodies- don’t make it worse. Also, heresiarch had mentioned that the “rite of passage” might not end with the belly button piercing. If she’s a good kid, there’s a very good chance that it will stop there if she has your consent. If not, then there’s a very good chance that she will do more, just to defy you. I know I would.
As a parent (father) who has already survived a daughter’s wish to have her nose pierced, you have my utmost sympathy and support. I would say however that my particular concern with body piercings do not apply to navels. It the nose and tongue piercings that concern me. I have a hard time taking someone seriously in conversation if their pronunciation is affected as well as my attention distracted by such obvious signs of vanity. This can only detract from the favourable perception of future employers or clients. Fortunately, one does not expose their navels for those situations.
In any case, a childless brother in law offered to pay for all expenses relating to driver education and driver’s licence aquisition, if my daughter forwent the piercing till she was 18. She accepted, and she is 20 now, and has not felt inclined to pierce here body since.
Just a warning, if you go the “wait until you’re 18” route, this is definitely not a guarantee she won’t get it done at all.
My mother said I could do anything I wanted with my body when I turned 18. I took at her word and got a tattoo the summer I graduated high school. (Granted, it is much smaller and more easily concealed than it would have been had I gotten it at age 15, but my mom still wasn’t happy.)
I love my tattoo, but think belly button piercings look silly. Huh. Go fig.
If you think she’s just going to get it done anyway, make sure she goes to clean place with sterile equipment. The navel is a very nasty place to get an infection.
Nearly everyone has pierced ears, so a lot of junk earrings are sold. However, my impression of body piercing jewelry is that because it is a specialized field, most of the jewelry is surgical grade stainless steel. If your daughter got pierced with this, there shouldn’t be any problem with reaction. It is generally nickel that is a problem and nickel is extremely common in cheap metal.
You can use this as a negotiation point - she can get the piercing, but the minute it becomes inflamed or infected, it is coming out - and she must be extra careful to keep it clean.
I think my pierced friends would be surprised and rather offended if you thought them fast or easy. They are not. I also frankly think that it is idiotic to make a judgement call about someone’s personality based on external appearances - even if some of those appearances are choices. It may have been true twenty years ago that only fast people got body piercings (remember how shocking a second ear piercing was?) - but it’s not true now. This is more along the lines of the Madonna wanna-be’s of the mid-80s. They thought they were hip, but most people realized they were little girls playing dress-up.
If I take no other lesson from Mom raising me, I will always follow her advice to “Choose your battles” Is this really a reason to go into battle? I can think of a lot of things that she could be doing that are “wild and daring”; the reasons for not doing those are much, much more important than “she is too young”. When you fight over little things for trivial reasons, you waste energy which might be needed for more important fights, you undermine your relationship, and you start generating stubborn rebellion in her such that she is more concerned with defying you than understanding your point of view.
The teens is the time period that an individual establishes her identity apart from her parents, as a self-contained adult. Part of that is doing things that she knows her parents won’t like, to establish her sense of having control over her life. Fifteen is not too old to start this seeking this identity and attempting to shock the 'rents. If a navel piercing is the worst she tries, you can count your lucky stars.
Make this the last and least of your reasons. Even then, you need more depth than “You’re too young”. Honestly, how is she different now than she will be at 16 or 17 or 21? If you will allow it at these ages, why won’t you allow it now?
This reason, of all your reasons makes me say that you should let her get her navel pierced!
During the Winter of Our Missed Content [sup]TM[/sup] I started a poll on the source of poor body image and low self-esteem. Almost all of the women felt (with good examples to back them up) that their mother had taught them to feel bad about their body. Although the original thread has gone to SDMB heaven, another site archived it here. Please, please read this to understand how mothers can subconsciously hurt their daughters.
As long as you feel like this about your daughters weight, you will be teaching her subconsciously that her body is not acceptable. Do you really want her to feel this way? I think that you should cherish and celebrate the fact that she feels good enough about her figure to draw attention to her stomache.
Ask yourself, which would you prefer - that she has a pierced navel or anorexia nervosa? or suicidal depression?