My vote is for Casino. I tried watching it on USA, but it got really ridiculous when every time someone tried to use the F word, it turned into “flip”. It was actually so distracting, I began to wonder, “why even show it?”.
I went out and bought the damn thing on DVD so I could hear my “fucks” in peace! 
Any other candidates?
“Melon farmer!”
The classic is Beverley Hills Cop. Something about “funning your mother”…
I was watching the DVD to Galaxy Quest. Just before they ran through the chompers Sigourny says “Well fuck that!” but we hear “Well screw that!”
It so shocked me, so discombobulated me, that my suspension of belief was tossed right into the chompers and destroyed. I had to rewind the movie and play that part again. And again. And it made me feel so dirty. I had to walk around ranting for a good 10 minutes, then call my mother and bitch, before I could finish the movie. Even now, two days later, I feel like tossing the DVD out the window.
This isn’t the DVD though. I understand it to be something they did with the original release. They filmed the movie, did finish work on it and then decided to tone it down a bit to ease the rating process by dubbing over the only “fuck” in the film rather then reshoot but still.
[Marvin]
Ooh, it makes me so mad!
[/Marvin]
Rather “This isn’s just the DVD though.”
My favorite was Sly Stallone “utterance”, but I forgot which movie.
“FOUL” YOU!!
The worst that I remember was Robocop. Mostly, the dubs were really bad, and they picked “cover words” that didn’t match the mouth movements at all.
The worst? There’s a scene where the bad guy confronts some poor shmoe in the bathroom. He says the line, “Once I even called him… asshole.” But on TV, it was more like this: “Once I even called him… (pause, actor’s mouth starts moving a split second before the word)… airhead!” And the word “airhead” is in a REALLY high-pitched voice that sounds like it was dubbed by Steve Urkel.
It still cracks me up to this day.
Another movie that they absolutely should NOT have bothered trying to release on TV was Se7en. I theorized that the voice-overs and extra editing must have taken more time and cost more money than filming the original movie in the first place.
Weaver’s overdubbed “Well screw that!” in Galaxy Quest was also in the theatrical release. It’s not that hard to understand. Had the line gone through as written, it would have been the only use of “fuck” in the whole movie, and it would have been the only element to force the movie to take an R, since there wasn’t any nudity and the violence wasn’t extreme. The PG rating gave the movie a broader market, which translated into more money. There wasn’t any point discouraging the 12-17 crowd with an R rating (not that it poses a major barrier, considering all the brats at American Pie) for the sake of one line.
The cable channel Showcase has been spoofing this practice in it’s “Rather see it uncut?” ads. The funniest so far shows the opening scene from The Usual Suspects, except the line has been changed to “Hand me the keys, you fuzzy sock-sucker.”
Their version of Raging Bull (“Are you friends with my wife?”) is also worth mentioning.
How about “Forget you! Forget you!” instead of the crude counterpart…
And then there’s the Die Hard movies… Esp. one and Two.
It’s difficult to take movies that have been butchered seriously…
Actually, in Galaxy Quest, there is another scene where Guy (I believe) says “We’re fucked” and they redubbed it with “We’re screwed” in the theatrical release as well.
But for television, my personal favorite is the televised version of Tremors on USA. There’s a scene where the old guy says “Son of a bitch,” but they redubbed it “Son of a great big panda bear.” No where NEAR the original line, and the voice was way off as well. Classic.
I don’t know about funniest, but I think the MOST dubbing I’ve ever seen was in “Slapshot”. A movie that would be about 10 minutes long if all the profanity were sliced out. Who knew Paul Newman could be so obscene?..Timmy
“Mickey-fickey” in Do the Right Thing.
I don’t know about that. Even given the capriciousness of the MPAA, a single nonsexual use of the word “fuck” alone wouldn’t really do it. Minority Report has a single “fuck” along with some graphic violence and some other profanity, and it came in with a PG-13.
Mother feeler (!)
I watched American Pie edited for TV a short while back. “She’s a MILF-Mom I’d Like to Feel!” “We’re going to get lucky!” All in all, it wasn’t horribly damaged by the editing.
However, the most mind-boggling instance of censorship I’ve seen was during the scene where Jim’s dad shows him the porno mags. The original line is “Do you know what a clitoris is?” In the edited version, it’s “Do you know what a climax is?”
WTF? Why isn’t the word “clitoris” suitable for the viewing audience? I might just be totally out of touch with Uptight America, but it’s a proper word. Who decided it would be better for any kiddies or sheltered viewers to turn to their friends or parents and say “What’s a climax?” than “What’s a clitoris?”
My SO was watching Die Hard with a Vengence on TV yesterday. (I say he was watching it because I would have turned if I had the choice.) There’s a part where Bruce Willis has to go to Harlem (I think it was Harlem- if not, it was a predominantly black neighborhood in NYC) and wear a sign that says “I hate niggers” because the terrorist demanded it. Well, his sign said “I hate everybody”, instead. The changed wording made it really odd that people got so upset they tried to beat the crap out of him. It was funny, in a sad, ironic kind of way.
I’m sure there were many more changes, but the only other significant one I noticed was “Yippee-yo-ki-ay, my friend.”
“Rommel, you magnificent bus-stop!”
Ever see the TV-edit of Mallrats? On the plus side, they added some CUT scene…but on the heavy, heavy downside, half of the language was edited out. The worst part was that Jay was dubbed by some California-type surfer dude which sounded nothing like him.
I’ll also mention Predator II, in which the alien seems to yell “Mother Mother” at one point. Ugh.
In whatever the lousy movie with Michael J. Fox and James Woods was on TV, the dubbins was just weird.
“… you slummin’ fitch.”
I did see a televised version of a movie where they used a whole different take rather than a dub. This was a movie from the late 80s early 90s and Mary Stuart Masterson says “so you’re a tit man?” and goes on and on using tit, tit, tit, tit, trying to embarass the guy.
The take I saw on the televised version was one in which she kept using different euphemisms. “… so you’re a mellon man? Never thought gazongas would be your thing…” and on and on usiing a different word each time. Definitely not dubbed, and there were a couple other subtle differences in her motions as well. Another take entirely.
I think that’s the only time I ever saw such a thing.
Ruthless People. Danny Devito says ‘fuck off’ in the original, and it’s dubbed over to ‘get out of here.’ (Or something like that; haven’t seen it for years). the thing is, they made no attempt to dub with a similar voice - the dubbed voice is very deep and growly, and has a different accent!