Was this a weird thing to do?

[Melandry]

When I told my boyfriend this story, he said that out of 100 people, only one (me) would do this. So I thought I would tell the story on the SDMB, to reassure myself that kindness and courtesy, contrary to his opinion, are still out there.

In early September, he and I went out for dinner at TGIFriday's and ended up with a waitress working only her second day. It showed a lot: She was constantly apologizing, saying she was such a bad waitress, bringing up that it was her second day. But she was very friendly, she got our orders right, and although there was an initial delay, was very prompt about checking on us from then on. So we didn't really enjoy her as a waitress, because we both prefer minimal, efficient service without so much chatting from the server, but when I payed, I left a big tip to encourage her, as many of the things we didn't appreciate about her were just trainee nervousness and she basically did a good job.

I paid for the meal with my debit card. In the course of balancing my checking account yesterday, I discovered that it had been debited for only the cost of the food, no tip. So I called up the restaurant, and talked to the manager, to see if they could "fix" the transaction to be debited the proper amount, so that the nice novice waitress, who probably made a simple mistake with the credit card system, could get the tip I originally intended to give her, which she deserved. The manager confirmed that this was the source of the error and took some information from me, so hopefully the server will eventually get her tip.

My boyfriend says that any normal person would just be glad they had saved themselves some money and moved on. Since tipping is theoretically voluntary, I suppose it isn't stealing to not rectify the situation, but I felt bad for the girl who was our server- it can't have been a highlight of her second day on the job, to lose a tip due to a mistake.

My boyfriend doesn't think I shouldn't've done what I did, just that it was unusual. So, would you have called the restaurant?

[Freudian Slit]

I don't know what I would have done, but it's nice that you did it. I don't think it's weird at all. I think it's really sweet and touching that you actually gave it that much thought. It probably really made that waitress's day.

[!ceQueen]

"My boyfriend says that any normal person would just be glad they had saved themselves some money and moved on. "
Well, maybe, if they're content with not going to that restaurant ever again!

[Omnipresent]

I wouldn't have gone throught the trouble. However, I would have made it a point to go back to the restaurant and seek out the waitress and give her and REALLY good tip the next time.

[plain_jane]

I would have done the same thing as you, Melandry.

[Mudshark]

I don't think it was too odd. I probably would have done the same thing.

[Liberal]

My boyfriend says that any normal person would just be glad they had saved themselves some money and moved on.

I hope your boyfriend never finds it convenient to "move on" in a situation with you. Be at least a bit wary.

[Liberal]

And by the way, it wasn't weird at all. It was a wonderful thing to do.

[Scarlett67]

I also find the comment about "saving money" by accidentally stiffing a waitperson on their tip more than a bit skeevy. Another vote for "you did the right thing." I would have done it too.

[c_carol]

This put me in mind of a comment from another thread:

originally posted somewhere by spooje
Dave Barry was right. Someone who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is NOT a nice person.

If what you did is "weird" or unusual, it shouldn't be. Decent behavior _ought_ to be considered normal, not an exception to the rule. As for myself, I probably wouldn't have noticed the error (I'm bad with keeping track of money things), but if I did I think I would do something to fix it, either the way you did or the way Omnipresent suggested.

[Jeep's Phoenix]

My dad has had to do that once or twice on a business trip--he would pay the bill with a company card, then realize the next morning he had left inadequate tip. He just called the manager, explained the situation, and ensured that the waitperson got his/her tip (and a sincere apology).

So, yes, you did the right thing.

[Guinastasia]

Again, what everyone else said.

Especially if you plan on going back there in the future.

[Mofo Rising]

I almost had the exact same situation happen to me. In checking my bank account, I noticed that the exact cost of the meal was debited and not the tip. I considered what I'd do, and probably would have called the restaraunt and done what you did.

There was no error though, the tip made it through a while later.

So I don't think its weird at all. Of course, I generally tip above 20 percent on every meal.

[Khadaji]

I think I would have done what you did. I hope I would have. A few years ago when I was younger and more stupid, I went to a bar and opened a tab on my credit card. I ran up quite a bill and left without signing for my tab. I called the next day to make sure that the bill was paid and to add a tip. The older I get, the less proactive I am about doing the right thing (if it requires work.) But I like to believe that I still do it more often than not. Kudos to you for your kindness and generosity

[ivylass]

I have a question. If it was only her second day, why was she by herself? When I worked as a waitress I had at least a week's worth of training, so when I was on my own, I knew all the procedures for ringing up the orders and checking someone out.

It seemed like she made a mistake, and it was nice of you to make sure she got her tip.

[FairyChatMom]

I had the opposite happen. I called to order takeout, picked it up, and paid with my check card. When I was checking my account on line, I saw that $3 had been added to the tab! I called and complained - the manager said it must have been a mistake. I still wonder if it was a deliberate mistake, but I'm glad I'd kept the receipt - I usually pitch them right away. Anyway, I got my account credited.

They never did that to me again, so maybe it was a one-time goof.

[Melandry]

I was assuming it was her second day on her own after a period of training, which, judging by her jitters, may not have been long enough.

I'm glad to hear others would do the same and that my boyfriend's cynical worldview has not yet triumphed.

[Green Bean]

So the boyfriend advocates stiffing waitresses as a way of saving money? What's next? Stealing newspapers out of your neighbor's driveway to save money on a subscription?

I'd have done the same thing--or more likely stopped by and given her some cash. I remember being a nervous new waitress, and getting a few extra-large tips as encouragement. I appreciated it so much. You totally did the right thing.

[FisherQueen]

I think what you did is the act of a totally normal, decent, and nice person. The fact that your boyfriend thinks it's strange- well, I'm not advocating breaking up with him over it, necessarily, but I'd file it away under 'serious character flaws.'

[Melandry]

Trust me, I already know he has character flaws. We're talking about someone who agrees with every word Ann Coulter has ever written.

Although, in his defense, he wouldn't deliberately stiff the waitress at the meal, as some people seem to be inferring- in fact, he's a good tipper- he just wouldn't go out of his way to fix a mistake in his favor. I agree that this, too, is not nice, but on a different level.

[Scarlett67]

Suddenly I'm reminded of a story I heard a while back. A family had recently returned from a two-week vacation. The paper boy showed up at the door looking for a payment, and the mom didn't have any money handy for him. But the teenage son said, "Oh, I've got it, Mom," and paid the carrier. Mom wondered how the kid had gotten the money. "Oh, well see, Dad was awfully careless with money on our trip -- he kept leaving it on the table whenever we ate out. So I picked it up."

How awful -- stiffing every waitress from here to Wally World and back!

[Lab2490]

as a former waitress Malandry, I think that is one of the nicest things someone could do for their waitress ( short of giving them a kidney) On your second day its not very encouraging to think you got stiffed.

[Musicat]

Just another person chiming in, Melandry, and agreeing that you did the right thing. Interesting, ain't it -- no one has said otherwise yet? Looks like your bf doesn't fit in with this crowd.

And, Scarlett67, that story sure sounds like either an urban legend or part of a sitcom.

[Khadaji]

Originally posted by Green Bean
So the boyfriend advocates stiffing waitresses as a way of saving money? What's next? Stealing newspapers out of your neighbor's driveway to save money on a subscription?

Last year for my birthday I got an abysmal book called The trick to money is having some In it the author brags about how he stiffed the tax man and (this is the one that made me stop reading) suggests that you go to a restaurant, order an expensive meal, and in the end refuse to pay because the food was cold and didn't taste good. I was so offended that I wrote to the publisher. I plan on being rich, but not by stiffing the wait-staff.

A little further off track: I was at Burger King tonight and the woman behind me paid for her meal with a new 100 dollar bill. However, it was so new that another had stuck to it. The man behind the counter pointed it out to her and made a joke about it being a great tip. She took it back and thanked him. I dunno about you, but I would have given him at 10% finders fee.

OK, sorry, I'm off track. Back to you OP

[Washte]

Melandry, I do not think this was a weird thing to do at all. In fact, I applaud your consideration and thoughtfulness. A lot of people would have been thrilled that the full amount had not been taken out and just gone on happily from there.

My sister was a waitress in a fairly up-scale restaurant in Oregon for quite some time. She told me time and time again that she would have friends do what Khadaji had read about... Order an expensive meal (say steak and lobster with the works) then half way through the meal complain loudly about it (restaurant policy was to replace the entire meal). This way they would get 2-3 'free' meals out of the deal and have left overs. She even had the gall to do it when we were having a meal there for my birthday once. As she knew the waitstaff, obviously, they were all well aware of what she was doing. She ended up taking her second meal home - too full from eating most of the first. I was so embarassed I tipped the waiter grandly when she wasn't looking and apologised. But on the otherhand, my sister is a tad on the wappy/mental side....

To show not all customers are horrible nasty vermin: In a busy Californian diner (Sheri's IIRC) there was a new lass who was struggling to keep all her tables satisfied. A few tables from me was a small family who were doing nowt but whinging and whining... more whine between them than all of Napa Valley I'm tellin' ya... anyhoodle... Complaining about not having enough water, coffee, etc. I ended up serving them myself. Just upped, grabbed the coffee and water pitchers and served everyone in the gal's section. It amazed everyone, but it shut them up. I admonished rather loudly about how impatient and rude customers could be... The waitress was extremely grateful and apologised for everything. Told her to stick with it and she'd get the hang of things eventually. Left her a nice tip and toodled my way back down the highway....

FTR I am not, nor ever have been, a waitress... but feel everyone should be treated with respect, and to lend a helping hand where needed.

[EchoKitty]

We went to Outback one night and we were a dollar short of the correct tip. The next time we went there, we found our waitress and gave her the buck. She was thrilled! I say, tip well when it is deserved.

[Cheesesteak]

I don't think it was weird at all. Your BF may be thinking of it similarly to the following scenario:

A friend of mine bought a bunch of stuff at Home Depot, and the cashier (and my friend) was inattentive at the register. A fair amount of the stuff ($30 or so) my friend bought did not appear on the receipt, she only noticed when she got home. She did not go back and pay the $30, and neither would I, I would consider myself "lucky".

The difference is that the recipient of the bad luck is Home Depot, a corporation that will not even notice the shortfall, in fact, probably accounts for it. The waitress will feel the pain much more than Home Depot, and I intended my tip to go to her personally, for the good work she did. I WANT the waitress to get the tip, so I would go the extra mile to make sure she gets it.

[Bindlestiff]

Weird? No.
Unusual? Yes.
The right thing? No question!

A couple of similar occurances are why I try to tip in cash even when I pay by plastic.

[photopat]

Yeah, you did the right thing. Your boyfriend is just cheap.

[StGermain]

When I was undercharged recently at a restuarant (I got a soup & salad and was only charged for the soup) I made sure to tell the waiter. It was a large party and he said not to worry about it, so I didn't. But it would've felt wrong not to point it out.

Likewise, I went to a free lunch at Logan's on Friday (new Logan's opening today - they had a shakedown lunch) and not only tipped the waitress (from what she said, not many people felt obliged to tip on a free meal) but also made positive comments about her service to the manager and on the evaluation sheet. Good service should be rewarded.

In your instance, I probably wouldn't've caught the error, so the poor waitress would've been stiffed. If I had caught it, I'd probably drop cash off for her.

StG

[NurseCarmen]

I've driven back to resturants the next day to correct tips, I don't think it's odd in the least. To paraphrase Christopher Reeve: "When I do good things, it makes me feel good, when I do bad things, it makes me feel bad". IMHO, people who don't see making up for someone's honest mistake are the unusual ones.

[hijack] I was in New York a couple weeks back and had a waitress that got a little snippy when she brought me the wrong meal. No biggie I thought, just having a bad day. I still tipped her 9 bucks on a $45 dollar tab. When I was comparing my bank statements against my receipts for my expense report, I saw that the tip was increased by TWENTY! I called the resturant and talked to the manager, before I could even tell him the whole story he became extremely apologetic. The waitress had been fired for padding charges for extra tips. He had not realized to what extent until a few days after she was fired, and calls started pouring in. This poor manager was actually trying to track down the names and numbers of all she screwed over, and he even knew my last name when I told him my first, so I don't doubt he was doing this. I've heard from others that they hear about this alot, and it's easy for them to do. It's sad that I'm now going to be jaded, and hanging on to tabs until I can compare them against my bank. [/hijack]

[Cervaise]

I went out to dinner with my grandparents and stepfather maybe a year ago. The total came to $89 and change, with no gratuity included on the bill. My grandfather pulled a hundred out of his wallet and told him to "keep the change." In other words, a 10% tip, for some damn good service.

I was so embarrassed by his stinginess that I pretended I had to go to the bathroom, went back and found the waiter, and gave him another ten bucks.

We're talking about someone who agrees with every word Ann Coulter has ever written.

Don't walk -- run.

[Shade]

I think the boyfriend's logic may be that it was probably the waitress's mistake, so you don't have any obligation.

You certainly did the right thing. The disciples didn't say 'But, Jesus, everyone else is a sinner; stop embarrassing us.'

[Rhum Runner]

I just think it is odd that you noticed the mistake. I guess I don't balance my checkbook like that, I just check the statement, but if say a dinner was charged as $40 instead of $46, I doubt I would have noticed. But since you did notice, I think it was the right thing to do. Incidently, I hate this attitdue...

A friend of mine bought a bunch of stuff at Home Depot, and the cashier (and my friend) was inattentive at the register. A fair amount of the stuff ($30 or so) my friend bought did not appear on the receipt, she only noticed when she got home...

The difference is that the recipient of the bad luck is Home Depot, a corporation that will not even notice the shortfall, in fact, probably accounts for it. The waitress will feel the pain much more than Home Depot...

They account for it by raising prices for everyone else.

[Algernon]

Wow. I don't think I've ever read a thread where the opinion of the Dopers is unanimous. (other than "get well" or "sympathy" threads of course).

I'm going to jump on the bandwagon here and say that you absolutely did the right thing Melandry. It wasn't weird at all.

I'm with Rhum Runner though... myself? I'd have never noticed.

[Balance]

Like Bindlestiff, I make a point of tipping in cash whenever possible, even if I pay with plastic. That way I can be sure the tip goes where it belongs. An honest effort on the part of the staff is met by courtesy, patience, and a healthy tip on my part. I find this makes dining a more pleasant experience for everyone involved. Don't believe that the staff will forget you in the crowd--even in the bustling restaurants here in DFW, people remember a good customer.

Melandry, you did the right thing. How much weight can the axles take on this bandwagon, anyway?

[south333]

I think it is great that you made a point to tip your waitress Melandry. As a server I know how it feels to be stiffed, and in your first few nights, its even worse. I'm sure that the waitress was thrilled to find out that someone was kind enough to realize that she was nervous and still appreciated her work. That's not a normal thing for a server to find, especially when first starting out.