Mildly Insulting There At The End (Don't Take It Personally)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Did you hear? I have a new hobby. It’s a new hobby for me, but people have been doing it for a real long time. It’s animal husbandry, which is a stupid name considering when you become an animal husband you don’t get any cake or a tax break, but then you don’t have to rent a tux either. So it balances out.

I’m raising burros. I have a whole whack of donkeys I’m growing. Special burros. These are very white, almost albino, donkeys. Not some antique white, or country white (which would sorta make sense since you hardly ever see urban burros, which would be a good band name) or even an eggshell white. These donkeys are the whitely white of the first new fallen snow of the season. The real new stuff. Not the old, used up snow that has boot marks and kid tracks and sled grooves and discolored patches where the dogs run through you yard at night. The really white snow when it’s fresh. They are some really white burros. You’d like them, they’re pretty.

But they aren’t much good for carrying things around, which is probably a surprise. You think of burros and the first thing you usually think of is them carrying things around. Pack burros, like that. But I’m not breeding mine for carrying stuff. I’m breeding mine for good eating. It’s the Wave of the Future, donkey meat. Many people don’t realize this, but it’s true.

If you balance their feed just right, a little alfalfa, some clover, just enough Queen Anne’s Lace (which is my secret here, so don’t tell anyone) and donkey meat is just yummy.

It’s even better if you give it a dry rub of secret herbs and spices (Which I’m not going to tell you about now. Some secrets are really secret secrets.), then slow grill it over a medium fire. Real fire, with fruit woods. Apple and cherry mostly, but a little peach. It makes for some good eating. Even better than ostrich, which everyone knows is over-rated anyway.

The next time I roast up a donkey, I’ll let everyone know. Then you can all come over for the burro barbecue. Since the donkeys are on the small side, everyone would only get a small taste. Just a nibble. But you’re all invited to BITE MY LILY-WHITE ASS!

Bwa! Hahahahaha!

Oops… sorry. I think I’m just in this horrible mood since I missed OhDope again.
-Rue.

2

Rue, Rue, Rue…

You never fail to amaze me. Such elegant and succint verbage, so intriguing and fully captivating. And very rarely have you failed to make me spit whatever I was drinking all over the computer.

Happily, this was not one of those rare occasions. :smiley:

3

You sucked me in big time here - I was all ready to ask how you persuaded the Little Woman to let you keep donkeys in the back yard… Then again, it’s early Monday and I haven’t had any caffeine yet.

Good one, Rue. Donkey meat. Funny stuff.

:smiley:

4

Hey! I’ve never used verbage in my life screech. Not even in college. (And I was going to make a spit/swallow joke, but couldn’t think of one. Sorry.)

They’re just little burros Snickers. You can keep them ANYWHERE.
-Rue.

5

HAH! Didn’t fool me for a second Rue. I knew you were not raising a buncha white asses in your back yard. It wouldn’t work. Know why? Cause the bears in the basement would hide behind the trees in the yard and jump out and yell boo and scare em off. Bears don’t like other animals muscling in on their territory.

6

Are little burros called burritos??

7

I like to call my little white burros burritos. But that’s just me. And you were missed at OhDope. Most of the cool kids were there. I even had a brief dance with FairyChatMoose.

8

Rue, I hope you’ve got good security on your burro farm. After all, some people will do almost anything for a piece of ass.

9

I bet my burro is bigger than your burro.

10

You’re like the nicest guy I know to invite so many people over for a piece of ass.

Since you got us all on that one, let us know if you need some help preparing your ass for cooking “rotissiere” style.

11

You can call little burros anything you want Snickers. I call mine: Emily, Pilchard, Velma, Burt, Gutierez and Brenda.

Re: FairyChatMoose Shibb. I briefly had her in my pants once. Dancing is fine, but you haven’t lived until you’ve had a moose in your pants.

You want a piece of ass Lurk’? All you got to do is ask. Maybe buy me a couple drinks, but with my ass farm, I can get you all the ass you need.

Well Ex, whaddaya want? I SAID I only had little burros. You prolly got that big ol’ pink burro too. It might look more impressive out in the yard, but no one wants to put the bite one a big red ass. (YMMV)

And Swampy, I’m sure there’s a bear or two around that would like a lily white ass just as well as anyone else.
-Rue.

12

Donkey meat. He hee.

I’d like a burro burrito.

13

Donkey meat. He hee.

I’d like a burro burrito.

14

[Bette Midler]Did you ever know that you’re my burro?
'Cause you are the mule beneath my things . . . [/Bette Midler]
-it’s not mine, but a friend’s. He deserves all credit, ridicule, lawsuits, etc.

15

Ooh. Need more caffeine before I read about eating Rue’s ass. :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley:

16

Heck, no, Rue. My burro ain’t pink nor red. I take very good care of it. It’s never exposed to the sun, and I never let it play with the bad burros from down the block.

It might provide dinner for twelve, though.

May I use “Bite my Burro” for a signature line? You know, if I ever decide to put up a sig, which I prolly won’t.

17

Yeah, but with all this talk of asses (assi?), I have to ask:

Anyone a turtle?

18

You know I’d worry if I were you about losing those lily-white burritos in the snow this winter.

Maybe you oughta tie-dye them or something.

That’s all I have. I don’t do Mondays very well.

19

Actually Rue this bear’s always up for a piece of ass lily white or otherwise. :smiley:

20

Yeah, that’s what I figured Swampy. I figured you were pretty much an ass connoisseur.

I could lose my ass in the snow? Man! I never thought of that! Thanks dwyr!

But I don’t know about tie-dying them. They could break out from the dyes. Then I’d have an ass with pimples all under the hair. That would just be gross.

Maybe I should tie balloons to them. But since they’re just little burros, I wouldn’t want to use too big of a balloon. They might float around the yard. The neighbors might complain. No one wants to see asses wig-wagging in the air first thing in the morning.

I’ll have to think about this.

Don’t start with that “Turtle” stuff Skip. I’ve got my eye one you. (And one of the answers is “His head.” I forget most of the others. There’s a thread around here somewhere…)

“Dinner for twelve” Ex? Maybe you should use “Bite my big burro!” It’s up to you.

Don’t worry lieu, I don’t need any help. I just take my donkey to the butcher. “Dress my ass for me?” I ask. They take care of the rest.

One time I didn’t want to roast my donkey. I thought it would be good to smoke the meat. My butcher helped me there too. He blew smoke up my ass after he dressed it. He’s a full-service butcher.
-Rue.