There is no point in looking beguiling. No point in begging for mercy - I HAVE FIRMED MY RESOLVE!
Quit chewing my book collection you hosers!
But we NEED to chew, you say.
Allow me, at this juncture, to draw your attention to the wide and varied assortment of bunny chews which I have lovingly provided at great expense to myself:
-Carrot Shaped Chews
-Broccoli Shaped Chews
-Lettuce Shaped Chews
-Farmer Shaped Chews
-Clown Chews
-A springy, hollowed out, super deluxe chew on a stand.
But we like to chew BOOKS, you say:
A brief perusal of the room will reveal 3 (THREE) extra phone books acquired, by me, for you, specifically for this purpose.
But we prefer the CLASICS you say.
I say TOUGH NOOGIES!
Listen up you fat hairy clowns, I will not tolerate this book chewing anymore!
Unless this chewing stops immediately, I will inflict on you the ULTIMATE punishment…
Yes, that is correct - THE TURTLE NECK SWEATERS! And I’ll take you out in public like that! And all the other bunnies will laugh at you! HA!
After seeing the thread title, I thought you were having trouble with some new hybrid rodent - the weasel rabbit. I am sorely disappointed. I wanted to hear about this wondrous creature.
I AM having trouble with the hybred rodent, the punk-ass weasel rabbit, not to be mistaken for the common weasel rabbit.
The punk-ass weasel rabbit is characterized by big floppy ears, a cute fluffy tail and a complete and utter refusal to listen to reason when it comes to eating books.
And for the record, no, they are not goats. I, however, AM a goat - or more specifically, a big horned sheep. You have no idea how difficult typing is with these blasted hoofs.
::goggles respectfully at the “wonderland” household::
Ummm, have you tried those hard cubes of compressed alfalfa? They’re cheap and my cavies used to love 'em above all things. Nutritious and kept their teeth ground down.
Then again, maybe your bunnies are distaff kin to Scylla’s Evil Nazi Groundhogs–in which case you’re in deep weeds.
Wife is saying “Scold the objects. Go over to the books they’re eating and shake your finger, saying ‘No, no!’ Worked with Unnatural Velvet and Miss Piggy. Even worked with Dagan. When she was one she gave a guest a ‘No-no’ tour of the house.”
Having a rabbit is like owning an oversized rat. They just hop around, eat, and defecate. Defecate all over EVERYTHING. Then they eat their feces. Anyone who thinks one can train a rabbit with anything short of electric shocks is a FOOL. But they taste good.
Only a fool would try to train a rabbit with out electric shock, and as God is my witness, I AM THAT FOOL!
[/Raul Julia al al Gomez Adams]
For the record, my bunnies doodie in thier bunny box. And they don’t eat it. At least not when I’m watching.
They only chew. And chew. And chew.
ARRRRRRRRRGH!
I have a baby budgie that I’m training to talk, and I’m SURE that his first words, rather than say “Hello”, will be more like “Bad Bunnies! Baaaad, BAAAAAD Bunnies!”
I had two rabbits once, named Hopalong and Cassidy. They ate a lot. They ended up eating half of the plywood cage we let them live in.
Hopalong made his escape. Cassidy, however, died of plywood poisoning.
It was very sad.
Okay, actually, I thought it was pretty funny at the time. It wasn’t like I didn’t feed them good stuff. They chose to eat plywood, and they chose to die.
When I was five years old, my Dad was given forty rabbits in exchange for some work that he did. My older sister (seven years old at the time) and I had the pleasant job of feeding and watering the furry little bastards every day after school. Having to catch the little fuckers when they escaped while we were feeding them was a pain in the ass. I was also extremely impressed (in a most negative kind of way) by the incredible quanitities of shit that those little critters produced. Thankfully, my Dad took care of cleaning up after the furry shit factories. Of course, my sister and I still had to smell it and dodge it whilst doing the other chores. Forty non-fucking rabbits in individual cages in a barn, each to be fed and watered daily, and each with a truly incredible shit pile on the floor beneath the cage to be removed each day.
Since then, I have not been able to understand why anyone would want such high output excrement producers in their house.
Cute, fluffy, flop eared, escape artist, wood chewing, wire biting, stinking assed shit factories.
I do, however, enjoy a good fried rabbit. Any guesses as to why?
By the way:
I loved the OP. Nearly busted a gut reading it and the follow ups.
You just sort of prodded a memory of an incident I hadn’t thought about in a long time.