Look, you little fuzzball, if I wanted you dead, I’d just kill ya. It’s not as if it would be difficult or anything. You VOLUNTARILY go to your hutch every night to sleep and be safe from my presumed desire to kill and eat you. Once in your hutch you are like snack food hanging in a vending machine, my friend … all I have to do is reach in and make my selection.
Not once in the last six years have I made even the SLIGHTEST attempt to kill you – I believe I would have noticed if I had. Nor have I attempted to maim you in any way. In fact, on almost every exception when we have interacted it has been to feed or pet you or release you from your hutch. OK, there have been those unfortunate claw-trimming incidents. And there was that powder we put on you when you had mites. But this was for your own good, and it was hardly something that could be confused with an attempt to kill and eat you, though from the way you carried on about it, it was all that and worse.
And so we get to the heart of the matter: why, when I open up your hutch to release you to run around the place each day, do you sneak out with every iota of rabbit craft at your command? Why do you scamper to the nearest hidey-hole should I or anyone come anywhere near you?
Make no mistake, this is not the scampering you do when you are feeling playful, tossing your heels in the air and daring us to catch you. This is desperate scampering, a determined effort to escape the predation that you feel must surely be your doom if you do not make haste forthwith. You have done this EVERY time we release you from your hutch for the last six years.
Surely even you, a rabbit, could at some time make the connection that our constant efforts to keep you fed and watered are contrary to any plan we might have to kill you. Surely you might notice that when we do capture you, what we do is pet you, an activity you seem almost to enjoy. We understand that you are a rabbit, and that it is the nature of rabbits to be deeply concerned with predation, due to their unfortunate status as nature’s own Meals Ready to Eat in the wild. Certainly, over the last six years, there have been many, many opportunities for us to kill and eat you if you were so inclined. And one of our cookbooks does have a recipe for German rabbit stew in it, so it’s not like we aren’t aware that we could eat you – that your survival is a precarious thread hanging by that day when we belatedly discover that you are a potential foodstuff. We’re humans, for Ghu’s sake. Figuring things out is what we DO.
I put it to you, Bun-bun, that you have been behaving irrationally, EVEN FOR A RABBIT – and that is saying something. Therefore, rest assured that you will not be permitted to vote or drive a car until your behavior demonstrates that you have developed some modicum of sense in these matters. And gun ownership? It is to laugh!
