Ask the dopers who have gone through fertility treatments.

In My Humble Opinion
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I have been meaning to post up a topic such as this for a while. I don’t think one has been done. I invite all dopers who are open to discuss their situations to participate.

Everyone has a different experience, so the more that can help out, the better.
That said, I have recently gone through Fertility treatments. I think that one of the hardest things about it is the self imposed secretive nature of the treatments. Sometimes it seems like letting others in on your “secret” makes you feel like a failure.

I very rarely post up personal topics, but I feel that this will (hopefully) help out some people. I was very fortunate in that I had a boss who went through treatments for 8 years. She was someone I could turn to and ask questions about what to expect.

I can’t promise to give the most scientific of information (I’m not good at medical names and procedures). I can’t promise that any of the stories shared will be the same for you. As they say, YMMV.

Anyhow, I had several dopers who were so kind as to send letters of support. I hope this will be a way to pay the favor back.

Lastly, I want to add:
If you are against Fertility treatmeants, this is not the thread for you. If you want to discuss that aspect, please use the GD forum. I don’t anticipate this getting ugly at all, but I feel it’s best to nip it in the bud.

So, ask away and I will do my best to answer.

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Clomid, IVF, GIFT or what?

Did your treatments result in your having a pregnancy and giving birth to a live child?

How much money have you spent on treatments?

What are your major support networks? Family, friends, support groups, online groups?

Thanks for being brave enough to do this, I’ll be reading with a lot of interest.

Twiddle

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Also, any males who need to discuss such things should know there are people here who can answert their questions as well.

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Clomid, IVF, GIFT or what?

I went through 4 In Vitro Fertilizations (IVF) in which none took. They began to question if I was completely ovulating. I was given a prescription to Clomid (a pill which induces ovulation). Then I went through a 5th IVF. It was successful.

Did your treatments result in your having a pregnancy and giving birth to a live child?

I have recently found out that I am pregnant. I am expecting in December. So, i am not out of the woods yet. I am dreadfully worried, truth be told, but am doing my best to be postive!

How much money have you spent on treatments?
I am one of the lucky ones. My insurance (United) covered almost all of it. I would only have to pay 10.00 per appointment. I did have two prior surgeries that were related (fibroid removal). With those I paid my deductable. All told I have spent under $2,000. I did notice, however, that there are many many options available to those without the insurance. I don’t think it is a good idea to put it off until you can afford it, as some problems become worse with time (fibroids). There were many pamphlets available in regards to loans and finacial programs. I found that the center i went to was extremely helpful in regards to finances.

**
What are your major support networks? Family, friends, support groups, online groups?** My mom and mother-in-law were very helpful in regards to emotional support. My boss,however, was my biggest support. She knew how frustrating it could be. She also was completely understanding to my taking time off of work.
During my week of ovulation, I had to go in every day. At my former job, I don’t think that would have been possible unless I took vacation time.

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BurnMeUp,
thanks for the help!

I think sometimes that the ordeal is harder on the male, especially if the fertility problems are on his end.

I felt that I could always talk to my mom and cry over an ice cream sundae with her.

A lot of guys don’t have that option.

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Congrats Bad News Baboon! I’m due in november myself but will be having a Csection in October if all goes well! Since you’ve invited us along I will share my story as well:

I was told by my doctors that the medicines I took as a teenager to save my kidneys had probably rendered me infertile. I made sure my husband knew when we married that I would probably never give him children of his own.

We went through Clomid and temp taking and scheduled intercourse with me propped on pillows afterwards. No luck. They assumed this meant all the eggs I had were non viable and we gave up. The risk/heartbreak rollercoaster didn’t seem worth adding surgery to the complications especially since odds were heavy that they’d never get a decent egg to fertilize. I certainly felt like a failure.

Well fast forward a couple years and I feel like crap. I am ready to call the doctor and ask him if I have mono or something. They always ask if you’ve taken a pregnancy test and since with my cycle from hell I never know when my last period was I took a rogue test that was left over from god only knows when. Two blue lines!

Cara will be 2 on the 15th. She was 3 weeks early as I had preeclampsia. The new baby will probably be a little earlier still but not horribly so. crosses fingers Two miracles. I cannot explain how blessed we are.

We had it easy as our two surprises came without the treatments. My friend isn’t so lucky. She’s had her tubes blown out but that didn’t help. There is something wrong with her cervix that prevents her from conceiving. The state they live in does not mandate insurance to cover any fertility treatments and they are far too expensive for them to afford alone.

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In regards to your friend, when was the last time she looked into it?
has she actually gone to a clinic to discuss options?

The reason I ask is because as I mentioned earlier, there are many programs available, including one called a “shared risk program”. It is also important to look into what insurance does cover. You may be surprised as to how much of it can be (lab work and stuff).

I am not sure what state she lives in. The clinic I went to is considered one of the best in Texas. Often while I was in the waiting room, I would hear of people driving in from Houston and San Antonio (6 and 4.5 hours away respectively). They can be found at www.embryo.net .

My friend was in the same boat as your friend. I strongly advised her to look into it. She was surprised to find that her insurance did cover aspects of the treatmeants.

You said in regards to your efforts before your first pegnancy that you felt like a failure. I find this to be common with people in our situations. That is why I wanted to start this thread. I am in hopes of bringing it more out in the open:
No one should feel like a failure.

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This is a great thread BNB… I hope we get more visitors and more stories. I wish I had a place like this to talk when I was having my problems/treatments.

I think the biggest part of my feelings of failure were due to my father. When I was a teenager and they gave me the option to take those medicines I did so against his wishes. My feeling was if my kidneys failed and I was on dialysis (or dead) there would be no babies anyway so it was worth the risk for me. He reminded me at every turn that “no man would ever have me if I couldn’t make babies” and that it was “my duty” to make children. If I couldn’t fulfill this duty then I “wasn’t a woman.”

Amazingly my husband has done wonders for dispelling these myths. However at 2 am on hormones and just wrung out from all the negative tests all your worst fears seem so much larger. Our decision to try clomid was based on the doctors optimism that “if you are fertile you’ll be pregnant within 3 months” Well he too was wrong.

I am saddened too by the idea sold to women by the media that they can wait until they are 45 to start having children. I’ve read so many heartbreaking stories of women who just assumed when they were ready they’d concieve without a problem. Many people take their fertility for granted and can look down on those having problems. It can happen to anyone! Even women who had one child can be stricken with “secondary infertility” where they are unable to concieve again. For these women there tends to be even less sympathy as “they already have a kid… what’s their problem.”

I don’t know what my friends have looked into lately. Being 3 hours away instead of next door has hindered our communication and I think so has my amazing fertility. When we were going through things together and watching the whole rest of the world make babies without us we were very close. Now that I’ve joined the other club… well you get the idea. sigh

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tanookie, sorry for the hijack (so soon!), but you said you are scheduling a c-section in October. I was curious as to why the timing (before due date) - is it to head off a repeat of the pre-eclampsia (remarkably bad for people with kidney issues…), or due to the uterine issues from the kidney meds, or something else entirely? You can email me the answer if you’d rather not discuss it here (no need to start a debate on the subject), or tell me to buzz off, as it is a rather nosy question. :wink:

I don’t have much to ask, otherwise. I’ve got the other end of the problem - easy conception, but only 50% retention (so far, and possibly lower, as there was one other possible early loss). Starting to have anovulatory cycles (noticed this at 35 yrs old), so let me second the ‘waiting isn’t the best plan for fertility’ thing.

Definitely will be reading with interest, though, as one of my work friends has secondary infertility (and is doing clomid at this point), another work friend has been trying with his wife for almost two years after a 19-week loss, and another very dear old friend tried for two years while we were working on child number 2 before stopping due to her husband being diagnosed with leukemia (treatmenst for which will affect his fertility, and hers was already the issue… not looking like a great situation there). Oh, and my step-brother and his wife are also dealing with secondary infertility, unexplained (both have perfect everything, but nothing is happening). I find it useful to learn about it so I don’t ask stupid questions and hurt feelings.

Speaking of which, do you have any good comments/replies for people who suggest you adopt, etc.? I find I have to defend my friends’ choices more than you’d think, but don’t always know what to say.

Hmmm. On preview, I see another question. Does one say someone ‘had’ infertility, or ‘is struggling with,’ or something else?

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Hedra, the kidney disease I have mirrors every symptom of preeclampsia. I have high blood pressure, protein in the urine, fluid retention… It is risky for me to carry this baby at all but I’m willing to chance 2. This will be our last child. It is all but guaranteed that I will develop preeclampsia again and so I will be having the baby early. Due to the risks of uterine rupture with inducement of labor when the mother has had a previous C-section (which I did) My OB and I have decided scheduling the C-section when the symptoms of preeclampsia rear their ugly head is the best course for baby’s health and mine. (this is my only debatish comment on Csections. I am amazed at the people who have no children and are adamant that they want a Csection wether it is medically necessary or not. THIS IS MAJOR SURGERY :slight_smile:

(I do need to get right back on all my meds as soon as I give birth but that’s another story.)

I’d not tell anyone to buzz off over questions about these things. I wish someone had told me so much when I was pregnant!!! Women tend to go through these things alone and you really need the support!!! I’ll tell my stories to anyone :slight_smile:

I’ve been nervous with this pregnancy (we’re almost 14 weeks and the ultrasounds look great!!!) because my mother lost 3 babies between my birth and my brother’s.

I think adoption is wonderful and we did consider it heavily. It is also a very personal decision that most people don’t have to make. There are a lot of emotions tied to the inability to concieve/carry a child and until those are settled adoption seems like failure to some people. If they chose to adopt it needs to be on their terms and timetable. The decision to bring a child into our lives by any means is not one to undertake lightly. I would tell people who question your friend’s choices in any way that requires defending to try a little empathy! I’m not good on tact so that’s about the nicest thing I can say :slight_smile:

I’m never sure what the etiquette for what to call infertility is either. It is a struggle so I’d guess the struggling with is the most apt!

Oh and my email always works if anyone wants to ask me stuff and not hijack the nice thread. Or just to say hi. :slight_smile:

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:smack: I didn’t even check if your email was available! I’ve gotten so used to people not having theirs available…

Double sorry on the hijack, then. Bad poster.

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Ack… stupid message boards… I didn’t say that to chastise you hedra… I just wanted to let everyone know I’m not adverse to email since I did reply to you on the board and not through email. Most people don’t list their email so I usually never think to email anyone myself either!!!

And where’s the wet noodle since I’m continuing the hijack? :slight_smile:

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I know I probably shouldn’t horn in on this thread, but I wanted to ask if any one had gone through fertility treatments when it wasn’t the WOMAN’S fault. My internal parts are in perfect order. My husband has a low sperm count.

I’ve been told that that’s sort of an ‘end of the road’ situation, the hardest to overcome…and then I’ve heard that it CAN be overcome through some treatments.

Just wanted to know if there’s any hope in that arena or if I should just give up.

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I wouldn’t give up! Talk to your gynecologist who can refer both of you to a specialist. I believe there are things that can be done but I also think they are the more invasive procedures like IVF. They may also make him do a few things to try and help his count first like diet and different undershorts and having you have sex on a schedule so that he had the maximum amount of time to have good healthy A list sperm. Again I’m not a doctor and I think this depends on how low his count is… I don’t remember what is “normal” but I know it is an astronomical amount of sperm but it only takes one to make ya pregnant!

Good luck!!!

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What are anovulatory cycles?

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jarbabyj,

There are several treatment options for situations like that; the first you’d likely want to try is artificial insemination with your husband’s washed, centrifuged sperm. In cases that the sperm count is extremely low; several collections are made over the course of a few weeks or so, then condensed into one ampule for insem.

There are many other possibilities as well, that I don’t have time to explain (I’m late for work…)(yet notice what I’m doing here…), but let me know if you’d like any info about any fertility treatments, I would be glad to help.

FWIW I’ll keep sticking my head in this thread; I worked for a while as an embryologist (person who does IVF lab-end procedures) and an andrologist (male fertility lab-end person, also did artificial insems) while I was in training for embryology. Anyone can feel free to email me, if they’d like.

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anovulatory cycles are menstruation when no ovulation has occurred.

Oh and Jarbabyj: some interesting information about sperm counts.

http://www.babymed.com/docs/listing.asp?CategoryID=44

Oh and the above site Bad News Baboon posted had some great info too!

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jarbabyj, there’s a procedure called “sperm washing.” Hubby makes several, um, deposits at the lab and they “wash” them: sort out the slow, deformed ones and yoou’re left with the best ones. After that, they can do inter-uterine injection where they just squirt it back in there, inside the cervix. Or they may also do that while you’re on hormone drugs. That way, they make sure you ovulate that month.

Thanks, **Bad News Baboon, ** for starting this thread. I guess the reason we (I did, anyway)feel like sucj failures is, if 14-year old girls or crack hos can conceive, why can’t we? It just made me feel like less of a woman. Also, the fact that we would have had a “home visit” from a social worker should we adopt. I understand the theory: don’t take kids out of a “bad” home only to place him/her in an equally bad or even worse home. But still, a teenaged mom doesn’t have to have a home visit in order to be a mother. Why should I?

Luckily, we did conceive after almost 4 years of treatment. Our little boy is 14 months old.

I’ve been around the IF block a time or two. Endometriosis, PCOS, ectopic pg’cy leading to one useless tube. Did Clomid, lupron, and follistim and had 2 surgeries.

Bad times, bad times…

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And a special note to the gents who are dealing with this:

This started a very difficult time for hubby and me. We are in counseling now because of problems that started during this time. Hubby said just this week (we’d never talked about it before) that he was devastated by the problems we were having but didn’t want to make me feel even worse. He thought he had to be “strong” for me and to protect me. I was feeling very lonely and closed off from him. I didn’t need “protection;” I needed to know that he was sharing my pain that I wasn’t all alone.

I guess my point for anyone who endures this is to go through it TOGETHER-- not in some kind of parallel lives. It’s very hard. You need all the support possible. May God bless your efforts.

mmm…

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We spent about a year trying to conceive. We then went to the fertility doctor. My husbands sperm count was fine (a little low, but within the range of normal). I ovulated fine, my hormones were fine, my tubes were fine, we did exploratory surgery, fine.

We did three cycles of Clomid, although I ovulated (and, in fact, tend to double ovulate, twins run in the family), to increase chances, than a cycle of Fertinex to increase them even more.

There were some little things, but it all came down to “we don’t know, we give you a 50% chance in the next ten years, next step, IVF” - Actually more Fertinex, but it made me insane. I told my RE, I may have a baby, I don’t think I’ll have a husband if we keep this up."

Since the drugs were hell on me, we decided IVF wasn’t in our future.

BTW, I was one of the most sane infertile people my RE ever saw. The drugs were difficult for me - but it was like PMS on steriods - and my moods weren’t really triggered by infertility, but by life in general, both the hubby and I were actually pretty OK with infertility. It wasn’t a hard decision for us to stop treatment, neither my husband or I ever felt like failures. We were ok with having a bio child, we were ok with adopting, and we were ok with remaining childless.

We adopted a little boy from Korea.

And we immediately discovered his little sister would be born six months (well, we thought it would be seven, she arrived early - I did the preeclampsia thing too) after his homecoming.

And no, it doesn’t always happen that way. The spontaneous remission for infertility where there is no known cause is the same for couples who adopt as those that remain childless - around 5-8%.

As to the adoption thing, I tell people that adoption is a very personal decision and is not a cure for infertility. It is a cure for childlessness. But if you need a bio child, you are part of the population that shouldn’t adopt. The people I feel sorryiest for are the couples where one is open to adoption and the other isn’t.

My daughter is 3 1/2 now (her brother 4 1/2), so my infertility treatments were all six or more years ago.