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  #1  
Old 05-17-2003, 10:00 AM
Jannal Jannal is offline
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Can someone tell me the joke that goes with the punch line?

Years ago I heard a joke and the punch line was "Cut Velvet!" Does anyone know the actual joke that belongs with this?

Thanks!
Jannal
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  #2  
Old 05-17-2003, 10:05 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is online now
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The rag trade has always operated by its own rules. Most manufacturers lack capital; all must live by their wits. Design, sales, and manufacturing therefore relate more closely and fluidly than in other businesses to help owners adjust quickly to the demands of fickle markets. Firms that commit to the wrong fabric or style, though, suffer heavy labor and material costs they cannot hope to recover. The industry's volatility is reflected in its mordant humor:

Walking down Seventh Avenue one day, Green overhears a big jobber say that A-line skirts in taffeta will be next fall's hot item. So he corners the taffeta market and puts everything he has into production of taffeta A-lines. Well, the buyers want A-lines all right, but in velvet, not taffeta. Green is ruined, finished, kaput! His only way out is through the showroom window. As he's falling toward the pavement on 37th Street, he sees through a fifth floor window a guy cutting A-lines - in flannel! Sailing past, Green yells: "Cut velvet…!"
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  #3  
Old 05-17-2003, 11:23 AM
Jannal Jannal is offline
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To Johnny L.A.

Thanks so much for the info! Not a bad joke, even if it is old!

Jannal
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  #4  
Old 05-17-2003, 12:08 PM
Futile Gesture Futile Gesture is offline
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I don't get it.
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  #5  
Old 05-17-2003, 02:18 PM
Jannal Jannal is offline
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This isn't as good an explanation as the one Johnny LA could give, but in short:

*Green* is trying to save someone else from making the same mistake he made even as he falls to his death.

It's an old joke that I just happen to think of the other day, and I couldn't recall what preceeded the punch line.

I guess it might be considered a bit morbid but I can't help laughing everytime I read it -

I like the another joke too. The punchline is "Who Knows Me In Japan?"

Jannal
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  #6  
Old 05-18-2003, 10:04 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is online now
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Thanks so much for the info! Not a bad joke,
You must be in the garment industry. (I'm not, and I thought "Okaaaaay...")
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  #7  
Old 03-28-2013, 08:33 AM
LBM3 LBM3 is offline
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Can someone tell me the joke that ends with the punch line Who Knows Me in Japan?
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  #8  
Old 03-28-2013, 08:44 AM
tdn tdn is offline
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Originally Posted by LBM3 View Post
Can someone tell me the joke that ends with the punch line Who Knows Me in Japan?
Third Base.
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  #9  
Old 03-28-2013, 09:26 AM
UncleRojelio UncleRojelio is offline
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Wrecked'em? Damn near killed him!
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  #10  
Old 03-28-2013, 09:27 AM
Zeldar Zeldar is offline
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Oraka
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  #11  
Old 03-28-2013, 09:29 AM
SmartAlecCat SmartAlecCat is offline
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What joke goes with the punchline "The Aristocrats"?
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  #12  
Old 03-28-2013, 09:38 AM
tdn tdn is offline
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Originally Posted by SmartAlecCat View Post
What joke goes with the punchline "The Aristocrats"?
Can I tell it with mime?
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  #13  
Old 03-28-2013, 09:43 AM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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Originally Posted by SmartAlecCat View Post
What joke goes with the punchline "The Aristocrats"?
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...ht=aristocrats
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  #14  
Old 03-28-2013, 09:44 AM
Zeldar Zeldar is offline
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Oraka
A thousand pardons! I tried to locate "Oraka" online. That's the way I heard the joke, decades ago, where it now appears "Gama Su" is the keyword. To avoid any further distractions on my part, check out Golf Jokes.
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  #15  
Old 03-28-2013, 09:47 AM
CurtC CurtC is offline
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Originally Posted by Jannal View Post
*Green* is trying to save someone else from making the same mistake he made even as he falls to his death.
I don't get it either. What does it mean to "cut" velvet? When he sees the guy "cutting" A-lines in flannel, what is that guy doing actually? I thought at first that "cut" meant to get rid of your investment in, but that doesn't make sense, and I can't see how physically cutting the cloth turns this into a joke.

Can someone explain to the fashion-clueless?
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  #16  
Old 03-28-2013, 09:57 AM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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Originally Posted by Futile Gesture View Post


I don't get it.
You're not alone. I've given up telling this joke except to anyone in the garment industry, and even then. You always have to explain it.

It's a combination of: the seasonal, fickle nature of the garment industry, in this case of which material to use ("cut x" means "use, or stock up on x); what a business owner can do when things go to shit; and a bizarre/sweet concern for the man's competitors as he plummets to his death in suicide.

Get it?

A much simpler joke I use at times (cut-up that I am), is related only in that it has a man speaking after a jump. When asked "How are you," you say, "Fine" <beat>, "as the man said halfway after jumping out of the Empire State Building."

The person asking may not get it at first, but I always think it's funny/appropriate.
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  #17  
Old 03-28-2013, 07:34 PM
Senegoid Senegoid is offline
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Originally Posted by Leo Bloom View Post
A much simpler joke I use at times (cut-up that I am), is related only in that it has a man speaking after a jump. When asked "How are you," you say, "Fine" <beat>, "as the man said halfway after jumping out of the Empire State Building."
The usual punchline for that joke is So far, so good!

This thread sounds like a Jeopardy quiz category! (Is it, in fact?)

Last edited by Senegoid; 03-28-2013 at 07:34 PM..
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  #18  
Old 03-28-2013, 08:13 PM
steatopygia steatopygia is offline
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And deep too.
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Old 03-28-2013, 08:32 PM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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Originally Posted by Senegoid View Post
The usual punchline for that joke is So far, so good!

This thread sounds like a Jeopardy quiz category! (Is it, in fact?)
Of course. I tell the joke right, but I obviously can't re-tell it.
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  #20  
Old 03-28-2013, 08:33 PM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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Originally Posted by steatopygia View Post
And deep too.
Can someone tell me the joke that goes with this punchline?
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  #21  
Old 03-28-2013, 08:35 PM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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"9W" is often told as a set-up answer said before the question.
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  #22  
Old 03-28-2013, 08:42 PM
Zeldar Zeldar is offline
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Originally Posted by Leo Bloom View Post
Can someone tell me the joke that goes with this punchline?
Not quite the official version but the gist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUfMg...=results_video
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  #23  
Old 03-28-2013, 08:51 PM
NurseCarmen NurseCarmen is offline
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A red brick!
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  #24  
Old 03-28-2013, 08:59 PM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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"9W" is often told as a set-up answer said before the question.
So no-one is going to bite?
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  #25  
Old 03-28-2013, 10:19 PM
Rick Rick is offline
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Originally Posted by Leo Bloom View Post
Can someone tell me the joke that goes with this punchline?
Two drunks stop on a bridge over a river to take a leak. The first one says "This water is cold"
The second one replies "And deep too"
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  #26  
Old 03-28-2013, 10:21 PM
steatopygia steatopygia is offline
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[QUOTE=Leo Bloom;16143076]Can someone tell me the joke that goes with this punchline?[/QUO


Two men are walking home from a night of drinking in the bars. They stop to pee on a bridge over a river. As they are peeing the first man says " the water sure is cold". The second man replies " and deep too".
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  #27  
Old 03-28-2013, 10:31 PM
Rick Rick is offline
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There seems to be an echo in here.
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Remember this motto to live by: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather one should aim to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, glass of Scotch in the other, your body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO! Man, what a ride!"
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  #28  
Old 03-28-2013, 10:56 PM
steatopygia steatopygia is offline
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Sorry , I'm slow.
Yours was more concise anyway.
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  #29  
Old 03-28-2013, 11:11 PM
Zeldar Zeldar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steatopygia View Post
And deep too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leo Bloom View Post
Can someone tell me the joke that goes with this punchline?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeldar View Post
Not quite the official version but the gist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUfMg...=results_video
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick View Post
Two drunks stop on a bridge over a river to take a leak. The first one says "This water is cold"
The second one replies "And deep too"
[QUOTE=steatopygia;16143354]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leo Bloom View Post
Can someone tell me the joke that goes with this punchline?[/QUO


Two men are walking home from a night of drinking in the bars. They stop to pee on a bridge over a river. As they are peeing the first man says " the water sure is cold". The second man replies " and deep too".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick View Post
There seems to be an echo in here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steatopygia View Post
Sorry , I'm slow.
Yours was more concise anyway.
This ought to get it done.
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  #30  
Old 03-29-2013, 01:15 AM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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You know...I still don't get it. I could lie and say I got it, especially now that the very idea of not-getting it is a joke. But thats just the kind of upfront plain-speakng guy I am. Ask me if you look fat in that dress.

Anyway, please explain the joke so I can get this frozen smile off my face. I explained cut velvet without being mean.
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  #31  
Old 03-29-2013, 01:18 AM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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Stop the presses!! I get it! The coin dropped, the epiphany epiphaned! It's a guy joke! And me, a guy not getting it. Sad, sad.

Last edited by Leo Bloom; 03-29-2013 at 01:20 AM..
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  #32  
Old 03-29-2013, 01:35 AM
JBDivmstr JBDivmstr is offline
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Originally Posted by Leo Bloom View Post
You know...I still don't get it. I could lie and say I got it, especially now that the very idea of not-getting it is a joke. But thats just the kind of upfront plain-speakng guy I am. Ask me if you look fat in that dress.

Anyway, please explain the joke so I can get this frozen smile off my face. I explained cut velvet without being mean.
It's a 'my dick is bigger/longer than yours' joke.

Missed it by THAT much!
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Last edited by JBDivmstr; 03-29-2013 at 01:37 AM.. Reason: corekt speling iz a gud theng
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  #33  
Old 03-29-2013, 09:12 AM
Chronos Chronos is online now
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Although, really, the punchline should be "It's not very deep". As usually told, the conclusion would be that both men are sufficiently-endowed to reach the surface of the water, but that neither reaches the bottom, and that no comparison of the two is possible. Not exactly the sort of one-upmanship expected of such a joke.
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  #34  
Old 03-29-2013, 09:13 AM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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Originally Posted by Rick View Post
Two drunks stop on a bridge over a river to take a leak. The first one says "This water is cold"
The second one replies "And deep too"
I believe one fella come from Arkansas. Git it?
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  #35  
Old 03-29-2013, 09:22 AM
ElvisL1ves ElvisL1ves is online now
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And it's wide, too. )

"Oh, you're from New Jersey? Which exit?"
"9W"
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  #36  
Old 03-29-2013, 09:23 AM
Rhythmdvl Rhythmdvl is offline
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Okay, who knows a Soviet-era joke comparing communism to capitalism. Something about a communist and a capitalist meeting up in hell, standing in line or something, and something something 'hammer' something 'nails' something. Damned if I can remember any other details. For some reason this went from the joke where I only remembered the punchline to a joke where I couldn't even remember that. Anyone?

Anyone?

I'll check in later. Coffee break's over; time to stand on my head.
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  #37  
Old 03-29-2013, 10:24 AM
Kevbo Kevbo is offline
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Okay, who knows a Soviet-era joke comparing communism to capitalism.

Not the joke you are looking for, but fits the genre:

A soviet man is obsessed with having a car. He scrimps and saves his entire life to afford such a luxury.

Finally, at 65 years old, he has saved enough money. He begins the paperwork, and after only a couple of years, he has obtained official permission to obtain a car, and has been placed on the waiting list for a parking space.

He takes his permission form and his rubels to the AZLK design bureau and orders a Moskvič in basic black. After several hours of filling out more forms, obtaining managers signatures, and a small bribe to the factory political officer, the salesman tells him "Fantastic! It doesn't usually go this smoothly. Everything is in order, and your car will be delivered to your apartment on April 17, 10 years from next week!"

The man asks "Morning or afternoon?" The salesman relplies "It is over 10 years in the future, what difference does it make morning or afternoon?" "Well" says the man, "The plumber is coming that morning."
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  #38  
Old 03-29-2013, 10:49 AM
CurtC CurtC is offline
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I believe one fella come from Arkansas. Git it?
HMMMM-mmmm
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  #39  
Old 03-29-2013, 10:54 AM
Acsenray Acsenray is offline
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I don't get it either. What does it mean to "cut" velvet? When he sees the guy "cutting" A-lines in flannel, what is that guy doing actually? I thought at first that "cut" meant to get rid of your investment in, but that doesn't make sense, and I can't see how physically cutting the cloth turns this into a joke.

Can someone explain to the fashion-clueless?
The guy inside is cutting flannel for A-lines. The guy falling past the window is telling him he should be cutting velvet instead.

The joke is that even though the guy is falling to his death, he still bothers to give advice to the guy he sees making a big mistake.
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  #40  
Old 03-29-2013, 11:12 AM
BubbaDog BubbaDog is online now
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Originally Posted by JBDivmstr View Post
It's a 'my dick is bigger/longer than yours' joke.

Missed it by THAT much!
And a running joke at urinals.

ManA: That Water is cold
ManB: Deep too
MAnA: And that burr in the pipe is sharp
ManB: The one in the basement or the one at the street?
ManA: The burr at the water treatment plant.
ManB: That don't bug me as much as that sharp stick in the river
MAnA; The one at the water treatment plant or the one downstream?
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  #41  
Old 03-29-2013, 11:19 AM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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And it's wide, too. )

"Oh, you're from New Jersey? Which exit?"
"9W"
Do you spell your name with a "V," Herr Wagner?
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  #42  
Old 03-29-2013, 12:00 PM
senpai71 senpai71 is offline
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Although, really, the punchline should be "It's not very deep". As usually told, the conclusion would be that both men are sufficiently-endowed to reach the surface of the water, but that neither reaches the bottom, and that no comparison of the two is possible. Not exactly the sort of one-upmanship expected of such a joke.
That's why I prefer it as the first man just saying "It's cold" (meaning, presumably, just the night air). That way, there is no confusion about the size differential - only one is reaching the water.
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  #43  
Old 03-29-2013, 12:05 PM
RedSwinglineOne RedSwinglineOne is offline
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Although, really, the punchline should be "It's not very deep". As usually told, the conclusion would be that both men are sufficiently-endowed to reach the surface of the water, but that neither reaches the bottom, and that no comparison of the two is possible...
That's not how I read it. You are assuming the second guy judges the water as deep because he does not reach the bottom. I read it that he reaches the bottom, but doing so requires more of his length than other rivers do.



"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

Last edited by RedSwinglineOne; 03-29-2013 at 12:05 PM..
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  #44  
Old 03-29-2013, 01:23 PM
Hari Seldon Hari Seldon is offline
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A cloth cutter is cutting patterns through many layers of cloth prior to sewing them into whatever the clothing manufacturer is making. For suits, the are sleeves, front panels, back panels, sleeves, etc. But an A-line skirt would seem to require just one trapezoidal hunk of cloth that is now seamed and hemmed. A lot of work is saved by cutting many layers at the same time, usually in different colors. Placing patterns for a suit to minimize wastage is an art, now done by computers, maybe 10% more efficiently. And I think the cutting is now done with lasers.
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  #45  
Old 03-29-2013, 02:49 PM
DSeid DSeid is offline
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"28."
SPOILER:
It's the comedians' retirement home joke in which they've told all these jokes so often they just give them each numbers and say the numbers. Saves time. The new guy gives it a try. "28." Silence. "Whazzamatter? Aint 28 a good one?" "Well yeah ... but you told it wrong."
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  #46  
Old 03-29-2013, 03:02 PM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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Heard that one about prisoners in a cell block. Still good.
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  #47  
Old 03-29-2013, 03:05 PM
CurtC CurtC is offline
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"28."
I guess some people just can't tell a joke.
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  #48  
Old 03-29-2013, 03:25 PM
Chronos Chronos is online now
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So, what's the joke number of the joke about the joke numbers?
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  #49  
Old 03-29-2013, 04:03 PM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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  #50  
Old 03-29-2013, 04:19 PM
Skammer Skammer is online now
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Twenty bucks, same as in town.
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