Hello, my loyal subjects, it is I, King of Awesomeness, from the province of Awesomeonia.
By royal decree, you have to ask me a question, or you’ll be sent to the provincial prison in Dufhaven.
Ask me a question, I will know.
Oh, and my second royal decree is that the streets will now be lined with pepperoni pizza!
A
What time is it?
Why pepperoni pizza?
How old are you? What is your IQ? Is there a history of mental illness in your family? Were you dropped on your head as kid much? How much crack do you smoke each day?
A few questions on the kingdom of awesomeness:
As you claim to have found Cecil in a plate of spagetti, and you wish our sidewalks to be covered with pizza, is it a fair guess that you find italian food awe-inspiring?
Is this kindom shocking as well as aweful?
It is currently Hammer Time, which means that all my loyal subjects must now take a hammer and smash all their clocks, in celebration of the birth of the god Chronos.
It is because the King of Awesome favors Pepperoni above all other meats, because it’sa nice and spicy.
You have been sentenced to life imprisonment in the west tower of the state prison in Dufhaven for insolence.
What is the Ultimate Question?
Indeed, my friend. My linegae descends from Italians, coming from my great great great uncle Mario Pepperonii Leawesomianitioni El Burrona Jr.
My kingdom is neither shocking nor awful, I have no idea why you would think such a thing. Now, purge that thought from your mind or I’ll burn you at the stake for being a witch.
How come you’re the King? Been sneaking up on relatives again with The Bloody Knife, huh? Well? Come’on, gimme an answer! What too chicken to talk back huh? Well wadda ya say about that eh?
I don’t know that whole pepperoni thing makes it seem sorta yucky to me. Plus why would you want to banish Q.E.D. to a tower; I think you just doomed your kingdom to be banished into the center of the universe’s sphere.
Ah, the ultimate question, I have pondered that on many starless nights in my youth, watching as my Land of Awesomeness prosper, wondering what great things would that question unlock…
I do believe, my loyal subject, it is:
“Could their be a question so kicking rad that not even the most kickin’ raddest deity answer it?”
Think about it, my loyal subject.
No, His Divine Awesomeness decreed only that the streets be lined with pepperoni pizza.
Anyhoo, Your Awesomenity, what is the best kind of woman-blonde, brunette, redhead, what?
Well, I do recall once waking up naked in a field full of roses, with a knife dripping something red, and all of my relatives nearby, all horribly mutilated beyond belief. But then, I tasted the red drippings and it turned out to be tomato paste. Yum.
I wouldn’t care if he was the smartest person in the world, insolent people that reside in my kingdom go to prison. No exceptions.
Pepperoni is the finest of the meats, so verstatile, goes well with everything. It even goes well with peanut butter and jelly.
Is it true the Kindom of Awesomeness is a state of mind?
And if so, is one allowed to change their mind?
Who’s the next in line to the thrown?
Who’s that behind you?
Is it true you threw your own mother into Dufhaven?
Are conjugal visits allowed?
What number am I thinking of?
Good job, loyal subject Vanyel, for your unmovable loyalty even in the eye of evil, I’m promoting you Sir Vanyel the Just, lord and regent of the district of Kronvien.
I personally prefer blonde, because red and black hair [in most cases], show that they are either infested with hellfire or are tainted by the black ebony soul of the devil, in that order.
The King of Awesomeness is going to sleep. You can still ask questions of me, just don’t expect speedy answers until I wake up.