With this on my mind, I thought I handled this incident well…
The Incident:
I dropped my 15 year old son off in front of the ice rink for hockey practice last Wednesday and he grabs his hockey bag and his Del Taco meal and drink to eat it inside the rink. He asks me if I can bring in his hockey sticks since his hands were full, and I said “Sure.” It took me all of three minutes to park the car, grab his sticks, and walk into the rink. When I walked up to my son to give him his sticks, he told me that another hockey parent (that we unfortunately had on our team for half of last season - his initials are DJ) had told my son to “Get the fuck out of here…don’t you have the common courtesy to stay away from my son (who was on the rink, just on the other side of the glass) when he is in a paid clinic? You need to leave now!” Other friends that were with my son also heard and affirmed it. I asked my son what did he say to DJ before or after his comments and my son told me that all he did was eat his french fries and drink his coke. “Are you sure that’s all you’ve done?”, I asked. My son said that’s all he’s done, just eat and watch some of his friends on the ice, doing the clinic and standing there with other friends watching everything.
My Initial Reaction:
To me, the phrase: “Get the fuck out of here” - that statement from that man is like calling Mother Theresa a whore - TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. I am not a violent person, but at 6’3", 290# (not a fatty - but stocky), I can be intimidating, so I am usually an outgoing, humorous and courteous gentleman, so people do not feel threatened by me. But this moment called for something different. The rage was building…
A little history:
This man - DJ - is the consummate blow-hard. He claims to have played the game as a goalie, but didn’t get far…that explains why his son has TAKEN UP HIS CAUSE, and is playing goalie as well. Only problem is is that he does not play well, and like last season, when things didn’t go well for the goalie, everyone on the team became the scapegoat for his short commings. DJ and his son are very much alike, they both cuss incessantly, they blame others for their problems and they spout off in anger on a regular basis. Ms. DJ also has the same characteristics and sprays her vinegar as well in the stands during the games we played. With these two role models, no wonder why the goalie son is the way he is. At a certain level, I can sympathize with him - his home life must be miserable with Andrew Dice Clay and Roseanne Barr as parents. They also have two younger daughters (I think 6 and 4) and mom just yells and screetches at them. Since their son is the only son, I can see the preferential treatment he gets while the girls are treated like excess baggage.
A defining moment:
Although my son has taken quite a bit of verbal abuse from this goalie last season, I told him that it’s really not the goalie’s fault for his undesirable behavior and to just let it roll of his back. Well, my son can only take so much during that season, so he started mouthing back. It came to a head during a game when my son who just got off the ice from a shift and had to walk down the bench to get to the defensive side (he came in on the offensive side of the players bench) and he had to walk by the goalie who was just pulled for having another bad game and since this goalie was standing up with his goal stick blocking my son’s way to the other side of the bench, my son grabbed the stick and moved it to one side so he can pass through. As soon as my son sat down, this goalie lept over two other players and landed on my son and started to punch him on our own bench! Those two kids pulled the goalie off of my son and then the goalie motioned to his mom (Ms.DJ) and claimed my son had punched him when he walked by! Ms. DJ flies off the handle and runs over to DJ to tell him the erroneous details and then DJ starts running around telling all of the other parents what my son has done, and recommends that my son needs to be kicked off the team. (I was the scorekeeper/manager so I didn’t see what had happened on and off the ice until much later - my son never did punch the goalie, he was too tired coming off the ice to do such a thing!) DJ threatened our coach that he will pull his son off the team if my son continued to play on the defensive line, which our coach didn’t even listen to and played my son anyways. (Russian coaches are funny - they do not appreciate being dictated to!:dubious: ) Therefore, DJ yanked his kid off the team, which was one of the best things that happened; the team was happier, the parents were much happier and the coach had one less headache, although there was alot off back-biting by DJ at my expense which I tend to ignore as sour grapes. At this point I told my son not say anything negative towards DJ, Ms. DJ, and their goalie kid. Say “Hi.” and leave it at that. My son has followed that upto this day, the day that DJ must reckon with…
How I handled the situation:
With my son by my side, we approached DJ (who was only 15 feet away, talking to two other parents):
YR: “I understand that you told my son to ‘Get the fuck out of here’ with your foul mouth.”
DJ: “Your son was right behind my son who has issues with your son.”
YR: “Yeah, he was eating french fries, drinking his soda and hanging with his team mates. Is that an issue?”
DJ: “He shouldn’t be behind my son, it bothers him psychologically.”
(My son and I looked at each other - We both knew who the psycho was.)
YR: “Your kid and my kid had their backs to each other and a 9’ board and glass between them, and he didn’t say or gesture anything at him. He was only there for 3 whole minutes.”
DJ: “Your kid should have the common courtesy to stay away from my kid since I’m paying good money for this clinic.” (As if I paid with monopoly money or IOU’s or something.)
YR: “And you should have the common courtesy to keep your foul mouth spewing cusswords and trying to threaten my son.”
(Repeat last two statements 4X…)
DJ: (Looking at my son) “Well I’m sorry…”:rolleyes: “But he better stay away from my kid!”
YR: “He has stayed away from your kid, and as a matter of fact he has gotten over this issue from last season and does not have any problems with your kid. But now you go six feet down and dig this crap up all over again.”
(I just noticed that about 30 people had gathered round and
:eek: but I was not through…)
YR: “I also have the common courtesy of not cussing at you son, or tell him to do anything, because he’s YOUR kid… But you and your wife need to stop spewing your foul mouths because the rest of us are sick and tired of your antics, your use of my son for a scapegoat for all of your self-proclaimed issues and making other parents and kids here miserable.” (At that point, I heard handclapping from two people!
)
DJ: “We can say whatever the hell we want…” (Thank you for that segeue…)
YR: “Then that means my son can stand wherever he wants.” (I dismiss my son to go back to his group of buddies behind DJ’s kid)
DJ: "You guys need to leave now!
YR: “We’ll leave when our practice is over. You know just after I spend MY GOOD MONEY for my son’s practice.”:wally
(End of encounter…no punches, no threat of injury, no death by Junta… 
)
The Aftermath:
Rink owner saw the end of the incident…and was relieved 
Parents came to me and patted me on the back for this overdue confrontation.
My kid felt alot better.
The Russian coach that we both use was a little 
No Police…cool!
A Victory?
I got through an argument without cussing DJ out (I always believe that cussing is a sign of weakness in an argument, i.e. - more cussing = less substance in your argument)
Could it have gone any better?
Or (for better or worse), what would you have done?
Did I go to easy or too hard on DJ?
Would you end up in jail if you went through this?