LadyDopers, let's play "Who Would You Do?"

[Muldoon's Squishiness]

Your choices are:

1) Tom Green--During the act of lovemaking, Tom will say the same word over and over and over and over and over. This word is "pudding." There will also be a Holstein cow in the room with the two of you and it will be hooked up to a milking machine, and unfortunately it will also have gas.

2) Mickey Rourke--Mickey has not showered, let me be more specific, the combination of water and soap haven't come within 1 foot of Mickey in 2 1/2 weeks. He will have a bottle of bourbon which you may freely partake of, and Mickey will offer you cigarettes. In fact, Mickey will be smoking cigarettes during the act of lovemaking. Mickey will also be talking, but his mumbling will be so low pitched as to be nothing more than white noise. Mickey will also be wearing spurs, which will not be used on you either before, during or after the act.


Very important

Oral favors will be given by both parties.

Both parties will have been tested for the appropriate diseases/infections and while condoms are suggested and freely available, they are not mandatory.

So, who's it gonna be?

[romansperson]

Mickey. If only for the fact I could get so drunk that it just wouldn't matter what else was going on.

[Kalhoun]

Definitely Mickey Rourke. Tom Greene is just creepy. And Mickey Rourke is pretty hot (although a hot bath would make him even hotter).

[Really Not All That Bright]

Hell, I'D screw Mickey Rourke...

[Gundy]

Mickey, every time. I can just close my eyes and remember him as ferociously sleazy-sexy as he was in Diner, instead of his current bloated and leathery ickiness.

[scout1222]

Mickey.


Tom Green in the sack saying pudding? Oh, the torture. He'd probably be making weird faces the whole time.

Don't get me wrong, though. Mickey ain't no prize. But I'll be drunk as a skunk, so what do I care???

[Peg]

I am so getting myself to a nunnery....

[Q.N. Jones]

Horrifically, it will have to be Tom Green. Cigarette smoke makes me cough and choke and I'm so grossed out by people who don't bathe regularly that I would probably throw up. Therefore, I would probably aspirate my own vomit and die if I chose Mickey Rourke.

That pukey face smiley would come in really handy right now.

[Green Bean]

I'll go with Tom Green too. I've never done the horizontal mambo in the presence of a farting cow.

[Orange Skinner]

Tom Green.

I'm very, very sensitive to smell, so...sorry, Micky, since your unwashed self is sounding worse than occasional flatulence from an otherwise rather decorative cow. Plus, I like pudding.

Oh, and do we have to accept said oral favors? Couldn't we just give them away to charity?

[scout1222]

Oh, come on!

I'd let Tom Green go down on me.





_{Christ, did I really just type that?!?}

[Lamia]

Wait, I'm confused. Mickey Rourke is going to be both smoking cigarettes and performing "oral favors"? Maybe the ladies who chose him should reconsider...

[Jaade]

~blinks~

Damn, I came into this thread all ready to say Brad Pitt.


I'd rather die a virgin...

[skyzoo]

Please forgive me.
I thought this thread was going to be about other SDMB posters. [color=sky blue]*[/color]blush[color=sky blue]*[/color]

So, I shall not take this
one
step
beyond,

and, this being the predicament of the thread,
can only agree with Peg ...

I am so getting myself to a nunnery....
I am so getting myself to a nunnery....
I am so getting myself to a nunnery...

and thank you, Jaade , for at least a CHOICE!

[Shana]

The nunnery never looked so good!

[skyzoo]

Originally posted by Shana
The nunnery never looked so good!

ROTFLOL...Shana
Best placed reply award!

[color=sky blue]skyzoo[/color]

[Tinkertoy]

I had surgery last week and am not allowed to have sex for three more weeks, so I'll have to pass.
I'm broken hearted.

No really

[Queen Tonya]

Mickey, I could always soak a pillowcase in the whiskey and sorta spongebathe him with it.
I'd prefer him clean and not smoking during and it'd be nice if I could hear him too, barring all that he's still eminently more doable than Tom.

[Lyllyan]

Mickey over Tom Green any day, bath or no. Anyway, he has plenty of whiskey, and that's good for disenfecting, aye?

[pepperlandgirl]

If by "Tom Green" you mean "James Marsters" then I pick him.

[Siege]

I too thought this would be about Dopers. Looking at the choices given, celibacy looks better and better! Sheesh! Talk about nightmares!

CJ

[Aries28]

Originally posted by pepperlandgirl
If by "Tom Green" you mean "James Marsters" then I pick him.

I second that.

[Caricci]

Tom Green. The smoking thing is so gross to me. The pudding and cow thing are at least a little surreal. A stinky, drunk, smoking, disgusting Mickey Rourke is just a little too real.

[beagledave]

Originally posted by Siege
I too thought this would be about Dopers. Looking at the choices given, celibacy looks better and better! Sheesh! Talk about nightmares!

CJ

Well hell, we can fix this poll right up.

1) Tom "Pudding" Green with farting cow.

2) Drunk, smoking Mickey Rourke smelling like a bowling alley mens room.

3) beagledave (showered, don't smoke, hate pudding).

[Aries28]

Originally posted by beagledave
Well hell, we can fix this poll right up.

1) Tom "Pudding" Green with farting cow.

2) Drunk, smoking Mickey Rourke smelling like a bowling alley mens room.

3) beagledave (showered, don't smoke, hate pudding).

Ahh...yes....but are YOU going to have a farting cow?

[kuraijo]

I'm not female, but the moment I saw Mickey's description I knew it would be Tom if a decision was forced upon me. I will <b>never</b> bed anyone who smokes.

[Kat]

I pick beagledave.

Good thing I showed up late, otherwise I'd be in the nunnery, too.

[Tinkertoy]

I read this before I went to bed last night. Had a dream in which Mickey was doing Tom Green on a bed full of pudding with a farting cow.

Very disturbing.






But I would rent the video.

[Lizard]

Originally posted by BogieBlanca
Your choices are:

1) Tom Green--During the act of lovemaking, Tom will say the same word over and over and over and over and over. This word is "pudding."

No no no, he'll say "Want a sausage?"

[Lizard]

I just realized that since few on the SDMB are as sick or foolish as myself, I should mention my last post was intended to be a sly reference to "Freddy Got Fingered," one of the worst films ever made and a must-watch for all fans of surrealism.

[TeaElle]

You know, the OP did not have a clause which restricted the location in which the sex with Mickey Rourke would have to take place. So one could be within the bounds of the proffered choices by choosing Rourke with the caveat that as soon there was full nudity, one could proclaim "Oh, Mickey, you know what gets me hot? Water. Let's do it in the shower. Come on baby."

So um, Mickey Rourke. In the shower. With the wrench. No, wait...

[d_redguy]

All of you ladies that picked Mickey Rourke - have you seen him lately?

Geh.

(Not that Tom Green would be better...)

[HerMajestyLorna]

Tom Green. He's less creepy, cleaner, and less smoky.

[beagledave]

Originally posted by Kat
I pick beagledave.

Good thing I showed up late, otherwise I'd be in the nunnery, too.

A lady of impeccable taste.

[Cyn]

I'd wrestle Kat for beagledave