An open letter from one who wouldn't like to see presidential brains on a pavement

The BBQ Pit
1

Dear George,

Welcome to Britain, Mr. President. If you will spare me a moment of your precious time, I would like to set forth a point of view which many here share, and which might explain the behaviour of some of the people you might meet.

Firstly, I shall remind you that “your” administration (mayhap the possessive is a little misplaced) has a policy. That policy is called assassination. It is not very nice. What it effectively means, George, is that you (and indeed anyone who refuses to condemn such a policy) wish death on people.

Second, this “damn fool war” of yours. Can you honestly put your hairy, simian paw on your little black heart and swear that its principle aim was not to get you re-elected? That you needed a glorious victory, having let slip your ultra-religious ultra-privileged former CIA-employed nemesis in Afghanistan (with the added bonus of oil and Middle East presence)?

Ah yes, the threat. 45 minutes and all that. Suffice it to say that we all know what a load of bollocks (to introduce a little British parlance) that was.

As for the liberation, well now George, please believe me that I and many others might well have supported your invasion if you had looked out from the world’s televisions with your close-set boss eyes and uttered, through those pongid little lips of yours, the words “This regime change is for the people of Iraq. Isolationism is morally bankrupt given their suffering”. Heck, you might even have got the UNSC vote! “Great” I might have said, “Next stop Burma!”

But no. You dismissed the eminently reasonable requests that Hans Blix be given more time. You behaved in a manner which would’ve made Kruschev proud. You did not merely tread on a few toes, you stamped around the party in Soviet style hobnailed boots. Diplomacy became a sign of weakness, and leadership became confused with blatant hegemony. All this barely a year after the US had the sympathy and admiration of the entire world.

Alas, poor Tony Blair. He cajoled. He begged for restraint. He pleaded for responsible statesmanship, whispering into those funny little ears which look like they’re growing from your upper neck. And when you embarked on your Quixotic quest, he looked upon the economic and political advantages of the Special Relationship, decided that they outweighed mere flotsam such as the integrity and principles which made some of his ministers resign in protest, and trotted alongside you like Sancho Panza with atrocious teeth.

And so we come to this. Your visit will cause pictures to be broadcast to Americans of their president being booed, and even mocked in effigy. They will think we don’t like them! I somehow don’t think Fox News will allow me to shout into their cameras “Hold, dear cousins! My love for your positivity and friendliness knows no bounds! We just wish you’d stop voting for knobheads!”

Please understand, sir, that I bear you no ill will, and indeed I have a great deal of sympathy for you. We have all found ourselves adrift in positions we are hopelessly ill equipped to deal with. Yours simply happens to be the most important position in the world.

But should I be watching BBC coverage of your attendance at a function and the camera zooms into close up of your squinty-eyed freakish-eared head just as it is blown off that chimpy little body which looks like your mother Barbara fucked a gibbon…

…I, and others like me, will wonder whether you brought it on yourself (especially if the assassin is a relative of someone you have assassinated), and whether this visit should really have gone ahead in the first place.

Yours sincerely

Dr. S. Meat
One six billionth of humanity
Earth

2

The American people voted for Gore, not Bush—Dubya was foisted on us by a blatantly unconstitutional usurpation of the democratic process by the Supreme Court.

But as much as I despise the little pinhead, I’d realy rather that he not be assasinated because that would put Cheney and Rove fully in the seat of power . . .

. . . and that would be a Very Bad Thing

3

“I, Richard B. Cheney, do solemnly swear…”

Another Cheney fan! They’re coming out of the woodwork!

4

I don’t see that being a major concern with this particular administration.

5

Saddam Hussein also has a policy that is not very nice. That policy is called genocide.

6

Sorry, but I couldn’t let this pass by. Have you not seen Prince Charles’ ears, perchance?
You have no room to make fun of our leader’s ears with them ol’ jug-handles increasing the size of British Tabloids.

Other than that, I agree with pretty much every point you made. :smiley:

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But should I be watching BBC coverage of your attendance at a function and the camera zooms into close up of your squinty-eyed freakish-eared head just as it is blown off that chimpy little body which looks like your mother Barbara fucked a gibbon…

And you’re bitching at him about being nice?

There’s a Mr. Black holding on line 2 for you, Pot.

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SentientMeat, you should avoid visiting the US for some time. Your post would be interpreted in an unfavorable light, and you would have a prompt visit by the Secret Service. After Kennedy, they take idle comments as seriously as they do direct threats.

Who do you think wants Bush to be re-elected in 2004? The one Democratic candidate likely to run in 2008- Hilary Clinton. If he wins she will have a good chance of being elected in the following election, since he cannnot run again; if he loses there is (most likely) a Democratic president and no support for Hilary.

Other than that, the Op is spot on.

9

Wow.

So, you don’t WANT Bush assassinated? Somehow your post convinces me otherwise. Interesting that you spend so much time on his physical shortcomings.

You really are a hateful person, aren’t you? Maybe you should seek help.

10

Excuse me, but the OP cited crank-for-all-seasons Lyndon Larouche.

11

Yup, sure did.

I might be inclined to agree with some of the OP if not for that.

:shrug: I’m biased against him. I’m over it.

12

Dr. Meat,

I have no particular brief for gallantly springing to the defense of the Bush matriarch, but I still thought the bit about the gibbon was out of line.

13

I agree, it is very insulting to the gibbons.

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Meat, if he won’t listen to the majority of American citizens, what makes you think he’ll listen to one-six-billionth of the planetary population who happens to not be able to vote for or against him in the next election?

Still, you’re entitled to your opinion, and I respect your right to express it. A shame the man himself will never know it.

15

It’s funny - I logged onto the CNN website today and noticed that security was tight as Bush was due to arrive in London today - and it just occurred to me that he’s less popular there than he is here. Crikey, the possibilities. I’ll definitely be watching the news for the next day or so.

Do anyone recall Clinton ever being so reviled by those in foreign lands? Or maybe our media just didn’t report on it? Or maybe I was in a coma? Anybody?

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I did a quick search, and yes there were protests against Clinton in other countries, but it looks like they were smaller, and less well publicized.

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Dr. M: as a red-blooded American, I am humbled by your rant. I hereby pledge to religiously record all three channels of my satellite feed for even a fleeting glimpse of your “Hold, dear cousins!” picket.

Burma.

:smiley: !!!

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:hands up:
Mea culpa with regards to some of your comments, cousins.

Apologies, I am ignorant of this fellow’s politics. Having Googled “Yemen assassination 2002” I espied this article, which I feel is well written and sets forth my point succinctly (and is actually penned by one Edmund Spannaus: Is he similarly cranky?). Perhaps the adage that even a broken watch is correct twice a day is appropriate here.

Very well. In the interests of fairness, I assert that the British royal family are naught but a bunch of inbred freeloading Huns and that Prince Charles is a philandering tree-hugger with freakish ears, who should admit to being “half rice half chips”.

However, I feel that other posts warrant some defence on my part.

This may have been true in 1989, and in 1986 when this photo was taken, but does not appear to be the case thereafter. Of course, Iraqis were treated brutally after 1989 and many individuals were tortured and killed, but they were by no means the most oppressed people in the world, nor even in Asia, and arguably not even in the Middle East, and hence the “liberation” argument has an air of off haddock about it. The assassination policy, however, was demonstrated indisputably in November 2002 and continues to this day. (Not that I’m Debating in the Pit, you understand.)

No, I am bitching about his policy not being nice, and arguing that anyone who refuses to condemn it is just as “not nice” as someone saying bad things about his mother.

My love for humanity is almost limitless. I wish for every one of us to achieve full human rights. I rail against his policy because it violates at least five of these rights. I mock his physical appearance because he looks like a monkey.

Let us hope that this visit passes quietly, such that all that comes of it is some nice photos of George with that daft old bat Queen Betty, which he can overdub with appropriately emotive power chords in his election campaign commercials.

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Interesting perspective. Please note: “principle” and “principal” are two different words. Otherwise, carry on.

20

He works for Larouche’s organization, so I’d wager it’s quite likely he is.