Stories of Snot (TMI)

[Jervoise]

I have tonsillitis. Upon waking this morning, I staggered to the shower. Under the hot water, I blew my nose into the palm of my right hand. And blew, and blew. It felt like warm custard pouring from my nose.

The ensuing mess was pale green, and covered half my palm. It had little hills and valleys, and a football stadium-like air bubble. Fascinated, I poked the bubble with my index finger but it wouldn't pop, only quiver and shake, before sliding off my hand and slithering down the drain.

Gross.

So what have you got? Bring the TMI.

[Lobsang]

Nice.

[Tentacle Monster]

I don't have any stories of massive volume, but...

I had a cold, with an incredibly stuffy nose. I would blow and blow and blow but nothing would relieve it. Until I blocked one nostril and blew very gently and this nugget flew out of my nose and landed on my right pinky. It was a bit larger than a gumdrop, golden yellow in color and flecked in red.

This happened twice, on different colds. It landed on the same pinky, however.

[j_sum1]

A friend of mine told me this story which was so memorable that I now pass it on to you.

He was out in his back garden when he was a kid. Feeling his nose a bit stuffed up he blocked one nostril and gave a great blow -- only to find a rather long sticky stringer dangling from his nose. Not really wanting to touch it he kind of shook his head hoping it would drop free. It only stretched. More vigourous shaking and he managed to wrap the offending greenie right round the back of his head and have it stick onto his cheek.

[Adoptamom_II]

Our youngest daughter was famous for her dangling snot. She would sneeze and two slimy, yet resiliant, strings of snot would hang out of her nostrils below her chin. She could walk back from the church podium to our seat and they still wouldn't break or fall. Eventually, everyone in our small church began carrying extra tissue with them just in case she had a snotty nose that week Luckily, she's 11 now and her unique talent (ahem) has dried up.

[pseudotriton ruber ruber]

I've always used "snot" to denote the crusty, mostly-solid stuff you need to dig out of a nostril, and "mucus" to denote the stringy, mostly-liquid stuff that comes out from blowing. Does anyone else use this terminology?

[Silver Serpentine]

When I still lived at home in TX, I was walking home from . . . somewhere with my step-sister through the Dell parking lot. She has a stuffy nose, so she decided to do a Farmer Blow (classy). Well, on finger on left nostril, deep breath, blew out, and . . .

Out comes a sticky string of snot, which swings back, directly into her mouth.

I laughed so hard I thought I'd puke.

[Hokkaido Brit]

Oh joy. First spots, then snots!

For me, "bogeys" are the hard crusty nose-things, and snot is the wet runny stuff.

[Ruby]

Originally Posted by pseudotriton ruber ruber

I've always used "snot" to denote the crusty, mostly-solid stuff you need to dig out of a nostril, and "mucus" to denote the stringy, mostly-liquid stuff that comes out from blowing. Does anyone else use this terminology?

Nope. Those crusty things are boogers and everything else is snot. I've had a cold/sinus infection for 10 days now with no end in sight so I believe I'm an expert on such matters.

[silenus]

True fun is when you are in public, feel the need for a little blow of the nose, take a single piece of tissue, and...unleash a sinus-clearing flood of snot, filling your hand and overwhelming the tissue. Then you have to look around, trying to find something to wipe your hand on and praying that no-one saw you.


heehee

[-Gnome-]

I have plans to build a town out of bodily waste

No wait thats Portsmouth


-Gnome- Likes jokes only Englishmen will understand

[chique]

Originally Posted by silenus

True fun is when you are in public, feel the need for a little blow of the nose, take a single piece of tissue, and...unleash a sinus-clearing flood of snot, filling your hand and overwhelming the tissue. Then you have to look around, trying to find something to wipe your hand on and praying that no-one saw you.

I hate that. Only in my case it's always the result of a non-tissued sneeze.

Every two years or so I get this sinus infection thingy which does not blow out my nose, but if I do that "hocking a loogey while inhaling" thing I produce this huge mass of pink, infected-flesh-looking wad of gunk that looks like wet scar tissue.

[-Gnome-]

Im glad I just finished this chocolate pudding

[Rabid_Squirrel]

One time in maths at high school, I had a bad cold. I coughed-up a nice yellow ball of snot 1/2 inch in diameter onto my desk.

The slience from my friends that watched was deafening.

[Ashes, Ashes]

Thankfully I was at home the only time I was visited by the technicolor snot fairy. I'd never had a sinus infection and was having ever so much fun what with the pain, stuffed up and dripping, chapped, bleeding nose, etc. Finally it was just about over when I went to blow my nose and kept blowing and blowing, like some sort of saxophone solo from hell.

After about two minutes, something just sort of snapped free in my head and I swear it felt like my brain had come loose and was traveling through my sinuses and down my nostrils. All of a sudden my tissue was heavy and whatever was lurking in there was warm and soft and jiggly. Trying to process that I'd somehow managed to blow my brains out into a tissue was rather difficult, for obvious reasons, so you can understand how I made the very bad decision to look inside the tissue.

Erkleblerg! Did you know that snot can be brown? Many, many different shades of brown, with flecks of grey, a little river of sulfur yellow running through, and threads of red blood like delicate veins through the clear, well, membrane that encased my homegrown work of art. I might not have won any prizes for it, but darned if I couldn't breathe freely for the first time in a week.

[-Gnome-]

its like a summary of a H.G Wells Book except more interesting

[Tentacle Monster]

Ashes, Ashes: Damn. Maybe if you'da flung it onto a canvas...

[Wonko The Sane]

I had a sinus infection at the end of last year, and every time I sneezed, a straw-colored watery fluid would drip from my snotlocker. Even running over to get a tissue was not fast enough, and I would drip on the floor. After some expensive antibiotics, it cleared up nicely.

The year before, I had some kind of cold where after some labored bugger-blowing, I would get a yellow-orange rope of surprising tensile strength.

I feel that if the future can be divined by entrails or rolled bones, then snot qualifies as well. It may only tell you that you have a pricey prescription in your future, but I figure that counts.

[Jervoise]

Ah, you guys are great. You make my infected head parts hurt as I struggle to laugh.

As the outpouring of pale green snot continued yesterday, I wondered whether I should attempt to quantity the level of liquid skank venting from my nasal cavity. I mused that if I carefully kept all my spent tissues in a pile, at the end of the day I could weigh the total stinking mass, subtract the average weight of a clean tissue multiplied by the number of dirty tissues in the pile and calculate...

... nah, I didn't.

[Jervoise]

quantify, rather.

[rolandgunslinger]

Study Hall 1985......NO TALKING ALLOWED!

SO...I try to make the most popular girl in school laugh out loud by doing something silly. While trying to hold back a laugh she snotted all over her mouth and down her chin.


While trying to hold back my own laugh.....I FARTED.

[j_sum1]

Then there is always Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second

[Skeezix]

Oh goody. It's not just me.

My friggin' head has been leaking for something close to two weeks now. If it wasn't primarily clear, I'd be hitting up my doc for antibiotics.

And inspired by Ashes, I wonder now...


Y'ever blow your nose, and pull the tissue away to find that there's a thin, stretchy runner of glop connecting your nose to the now damp tissue, like some sort of bizarre mucousian nasal web? So you grab another tissue, with your free hand, trying desperately not to get this organic brain lubricant all over your hand and shirtsleeve. And shielding your fingers with the fresh tissue, you reach up and try to grab it as close to its "base" as possible, damn near stuffing your fingers up the offending nostril.

And then, when you pull on this semi-liquid streamer of sinus smegma, it feels like your brain is indeed sliding out your head via your nasal cavity?


I hate that. Especially 'cause the last half inch or so always always flops over the edge of the tissue, forcing you to wash your hands for a good ten minutes, trying to get the feeling of cranial super lube off your hand.

Gack.

[BobLibDem]

I love to pull out the super snot strings. Then when they're out, I love to dangle them from my finger before I put them in the tissue. Sometimes you can dangle good old thick and sticky sinusy snot for about a foot from your finger. Then you can move your hand up and down in rhythm and get that snot to stretch and bounce like a Slinky. Of course, sometimes they'll break and you have to clean them from the floor.

[ThankYouForTakingMyCall]

J'ever cough or sneeze and feel something fly out, but you look in your hand/tissue and there's no evidence?

You frantically look all over your shirt to make sure you didn't get it on you.

[BobLibDem]

If it goes into your date's yogurt there's a good chance she won't notice.

[GargoyleWB]

At work once, I had a truly explosive sneeze that I just barely managed to filter with my hand. I had given life to a green-tendriled mass about the size of a golfball. I'm not sure if it came from my nose or the back of my throat, or perhaps formed in my hand as an unholy union of both orifices. I stared transfixed as it slowly started seeping through my fingers.

At that instant, someone from another department appeared in my cubicle for a meeting. I never had the opportunity to wipe off my creation unnoticed, and had to sit through the meeting with Cthulhu cupped in my palm for half an hour. Surprisingly, after about ten minutes, it ceased to feel disgusting and felt rather comforting.

[NurseCarmen]

When I have a moment, I must add a link to Gazelle's Little green plug story.

[Anaamika]

I've always had a fair bit of a hang-up about not-so-nice bodily functions, and I am still traumatized from something that happened when I was a kid. I was swimming with a bunch of other kids I had barely met, and I got some water in my nose. I wiped my nose, not thinking about it, and one of the girls pointed (actually quite nicely, now that I think about it), and said, "You've got a bloody booger on your face." Humiliated, I jumped out and ran to the bathroom to find the biggest bloody booger I'd ever seen, stretching from my nostril all the way across my face. I hadn't felt it because my face was wet!

First time I ever confessed that. Like therapy.

[lieu]

I had a cold this weekend and pretty much spent it camped out on the couch. I had to cough once and since no one was home I didn't cover my mouth. I saw this little "barbell" go flying across the room towards the TV. I looked later and never could find it. I'm hoping it stuck to a piece of firewood. I do so love the smell of snotty pine.

[Burrido]

The shop I work at, we have these weird snow shovels that we use during heavy snow storms. They are shaped like an upside down "U" with the open part having a plastic band across it. The plastic band is concave and its not meant to shovel snow as much as just push it along. Hence the upside down "U". The bottom part of the "U" is where you grab on and you hold onto it like a straight bar and then you push.
Anyways, I had the bar across my sternum while I was pushing some snow off the sidewalk and just as I started running I hit a crack in the walk. The bar slammed against my sternum and knocked the wind out of me. On top of that, being cold and snowy outside, I had a runny nose and all the snot came shooting out of my nose. It landed all over my lips and mouth. The most embarassing thing is alot of people watched my do it too.

[scout1222]

Why it took me this goddamned long to get into a TMI thread, I'll never know. I'm having to hold in my giggles so much, I'm afraid I'll fart!

Which reminds me, rolandgunslinger, you ALMOST got me! That's great.

_{And I too am thinking of the Little Green Plug story, NurseCarmen! Tee hee!}

[green_dragon]

I had one fairly recently...

During martial arts training I did a technique involving jumping and spinning 160 in the air with a kick to the head...quite and impressive and exerting technique.

As I put the full effort into putting the kick out a massive snot gets fired out of my nose onto the mat below...as I land (still with plenty of circluar momentum) my foot hits said snot pile and sends me straight onto my ass, flicking the snot up at my surprised, and extremely grossed out, partner.

Looooooooovely....

[green_dragon]

spinning 360 in the air...really should preview....

[j_sum1]

Hey... Threadsnotting!!


couldn't resist.

[Cervaise]

Originally Posted by silenus

True fun is when you are in public, feel the need for a little blow of the nose, take a single piece of tissue, and...unleash a sinus-clearing flood of snot, filling your hand and overwhelming the tissue. Then you have to look around, trying to find something to wipe your hand on and praying that no-one saw you.

Something like this happened to me in high school. I was a sophomore, which is the worst for insecurity and general fear and loathing; I was following my friend to our shared locker, which happened to be on the far wall in the cafeteria. It was lunchtime, so the cafeteria was packed, and because of the locker's location we had to walk through the middle of everybody.

At about the one-third mark of the journey (it's a big cafeteria), I was in the midst of saying something when I had a no-warning sneeze. I just barely managed to get my hand up to my face, which was a mixed blessing, because I blew about a quarter cup of runny snot into my palm, complete with ropes running from the mass of goo back up my nostrils.

For a split second, I was absolutely paralyzed with terror. I was in the middle of a ruthless herd of teenagers. If they realized what had happened, I would be Snot Boy for months. I could turn and flee, but that would attract attention.

In a rare moment of resolute courage, I steeled myself and proceeded forward, holding my hand to my face but otherwise giving no indication of what was going on.

To give you an idea of how quickly that thought process took to complete, my friend, his attention drawn by my sneeze, was turning his head to look at me, and I went through all of the above before he'd finished his turn. When he did see me, with my hand to my face, he frowned with concern, and said, "What's wrong?"

And I said, cool and collected except that I was about to piss myself in panic, "Keep walking."

His eyes widened as he instantly figured out the situation, and he turned forward and marched ahead of me to the locker.

When we arrived, I pushed ahead of him, worked the combo lock with my still-clean hand, and opened the door. I dumped my bookbag into the locker, pulled the top flap open, and yanked out a bunch of homework and other loose pages, which I used as impromptu Kleenex. I had to clean off my hand, and then wipe down my face, trying to appear presentable for the walk back through the cafeteria so I could visit a bathroom. And it was my great fortune that I somehow maintained the presence of mind to use already-graded homework to deposit my mucoid humiliation.

To this day, that horrible near-catastrophe is one of the best examples of loyal friendship I can remember. He was a good guy. Until he turned into a putz later. Well, you know how it is...

Oh, and rolandgunslinger, it may just be the fact that it's way past my bedtime, but your study hall story made me laugh harder than anything else I've seen here in a week.

[GrizzRich]

Originally Posted by Jervoise

Ah, you guys are great. You make my infected head parts hurt as I struggle to laugh.

As the outpouring of pale green snot continued yesterday, I wondered whether I should attempt to quantity the level of liquid skank venting from my nasal cavity. I mused that if I carefully kept all my spent tissues in a pile, at the end of the day I could weigh the total stinking mass, subtract the average weight of a clean tissue multiplied by the number of dirty tissues in the pile and calculate...

... nah, I didn't.

May I be the first to offer that "Pale Green Snot" and "Liquid Skank" might be good band names?

[JD52]

I recall an incident that took place in my high school cafeteria.

My goofy friend was walking over to our table when an event that could have become a disaster occurred.

He let out a monstrous sneeze, along with two long ropes of shansty snot which I swear to this day were dragging on the floor while still being attached to his nose.

Now while most people would be recoiling in horror at this point. He kept his cool and without missing a beat he, in one fluid movement, drew his head back and sucked the two, three foot long, snot ropes back into his head.

He continued his journey to the table, where a high five and a tissue were waiting.

The most interesting part about this story is the fact that him and me were the only two in the whole place that even noticed.

[lieu]

I remember a ski trip years back with my young niece and nephew. She was about 4, he around 3. I'll never forget her outside a restaurant, dressed for the cold in a big brown coat and letting loose a tremendous sneeze. I looked back at her and she had two perfect snot stems running down her nose to her lip. They looked like the little pencils you find in a church pew. Her 3 year old brother looked at her, pointed, and excitedly shouted "Walrus!"

[olanv]

Originally Posted by Jervoise

I have tonsillitis. Upon waking this morning, I staggered to the shower. Under the hot water, I blew my nose into the palm of my right hand. And blew, and blew. It felt like warm custard pouring from my nose.

The ensuing mess was pale green, and covered half my palm. It had little hills and valleys, and a football stadium-like air bubble. Fascinated, I poked the bubble with my index finger but it wouldn't pop, only quiver and shake, before sliding off my hand and slithering down the drain.

Gross.

So what have you got? Bring the TMI.

I get tonsililoths every now and then... you can press upon the cavity on the upper back of either side of your your mouth and pop them out like a zit if you catch it before it drops natually. They give halitosis a new name.

[Clothahump]

Originally Posted by Jervoise

I have tonsillitis. Upon waking this morning, I staggered to the shower. Under the hot water, I blew my nose into the palm of my right hand. And blew, and blew. It felt like warm custard pouring from my nose.

The ensuing mess was pale green, and covered half my palm. .

If it's green, it's time for you to go see the doctor and get a scrip for antibiotics.

[With Rye]

I was taking a math test one unfortunate day when I had a very juicy cold of some sort. Mucus and other nasal natives clogged my passageways so completely, I couldn't even sniffle. Often, I had to clear manually the slow leak of snot breaking hard for freedom.

Promptly, I ran out of tissues and dry sleeves and a spunky glob had escaped my futile attempts to inhale and managed to drip all the way to my scratch paper. I leaned in, hoping no one had seen my new bodily extension. This foward tilt freed another strand from my other nostril. It too landed on my scratch paper. So there I was, leaning uncomfortably close with two snot trails literally chaining me to my desk.

Because of this new happy angle, the strands thickened and grew and eventually, my nostrils cleared enough for me to chance a blow and finally severed my bonds. By now, the exam was over and the teacher was collecting the test and (!) all scratch paper for proof of work.

Having no choice, I carefully folded mine and turned everything in.

[Absolute]

I once was sitting in Latin class, halfway paying attention to the teacher.

Suddenly, I felt the sudden need to cough. I breathed in deeply, and then proceeded to do so.

The first half of the cough felt normal, until I sensed a strange pressure differential between my nose and my throat. I quickly brought my hand closer to my mouth, just as an enormous ball of translucent, quivering snot flew out of my mouth and landed in the palm of my hand. I swear, my entire palm was covered in what seemed like a centimeter-thick layer of slime.

The snot expulsion was accompanied by a wet squelching sound, leaving no doubt among the other students as to what had happened. As they all began to laugh uproariously (teacher included), I quickly rose from my seat and, without saying a word, walked out the door and headed for the bathroom.

[Jervoise]

Originally Posted by Clothahump

If it's green, it's time for you to go see the doctor and get a scrip for antibiotics.

Yeah, my doctor put me on to a daily dose of 8 x 500mg Penicillin capsules. Then as it turns out I have glandular fever, but that's another story.

Your stories have continued to both amuse and disgust me. I'm so proud.

I had one of Ashes, Ashes's artfully coloured snots yesterday. It was brown, yellow and orange, wrapped in white--like a dog in a wedding dress.

[Miss Creant]

I love you guys!

[Ruby]

Originally Posted by JD52

<snip>without missing a beat he, in one fluid movement, drew his head back and sucked the two, three foot long, snot ropes back into his head.

My stomach is reeling just reading this stuff. Ewwwwwwww!

[Time Like Tears]

Well, as for snot stories, I have two...absolutely true and they both happened to poor lil me...

High school history class- I was nearing the end of a heinous sinus infection following a cold. I had just started 'going out' with the guy who sat across and behind me in class (two years later he told me he liked me because I had big boobies). I was all trying to impress him, flipping my hair, winking, yadda yadda...when I sneezed. Not only was it a huge sneeze, it was a painful sneeze, and it did nothing to clear my stuffed up head. So, I go and grab a tissue, and give it a blow...about the third try, out pops this thing. It was (I swear) two inches across, greyish pink, solid in the middle, and it had veins. Forget the fact that I could immediately breathe again, that didn't matter...I was sure I'd just blown out a bit of my brain. I wonder to this day how it possibly fit out my nostril without causing damage...

My first week at camp as a counselor, I had just moved into a dorm room with 5 other girls, and I had a bad cold. I was sitting on the top bunk, getting ready for bed, and I sneezed. Well, something came out this time, a lot of something. I was completely slimed. Both hands, my entire face, and the top of my head were covered in a clear sticky mess. I didn't just need a tissue, I needed a towel.

[happylittlevegemite]

I've got a cold at the moment, but also have a secondary bacterial infection on top of my virus... interestingly, the bacterial infection only seems to have affected one nostril, but it is very irritating to my sinus which is leaking a little blood into my mucus on that side.

So, I have mucus of all different colours and textures, depending on where I blow or cough it from.

It comes in green, yellow, and orange (bloodstained), in solid lumps, thin liquid, or sticky fat strings. Really, the adhesive and cohesive properties of some of my mucus has to be seen to be believed!

It's really quite fascinating, I am a veritable wealth of mucodiversity!

[kaylasdad99]

[quote=happylittlevegemite]It comes in green, yellow, and orange (bloodstained), in solid lumps, thin liquid, or sticky fat strings. Really, the adhesive and cohesive properties of some of my mucus has to be seen to be believed![quote]I'm happy to report that I believe in the adhesive and cohesive properties of your mucus with no trouble at all.

No seeing is required. Or desired.

[hockeynut]

Last year I demolished a room in my basement that used to be a coal bin. Black dust everywhere. Afterwards I went upstairs and blew my nose. What came out had the same color and consistency as hot tar. Lots and lots of it.