I Pit my customer service nightmares (warning: long and bitter)

The BBQ Pit
1

I’d like to preface that I’ve previously worked in the customer service industry for years. I’m the first to be sympathetic. And I know there are other threads in the Pit about the decline of customer service in general and specific. I simply have to Pit my experiences with Verizon and AT&T Wireless (now a moot point on the last one) because even now I still can’t believe the bullshit.

As brief as can be on both companies:
**
AT&T**: February '04 - was told when I activated the phone that I would have to put down a $400 deposit, refundable after 8 months. Fine, put it on my Visa check card.
March through May: Bills show that I have an initial credit of $400 and my payments are being made out of that credit. Each month I would call and speak with a supervisor, who assured me that I don’t have to worry about it, everything is fine. I recorded names and dates.
June: Get bill for $750.00. Call, speak with two supervisors who tell admit it was on error on their part, but I still have to pay the total bill up to this point ($350.00) and put money back into the deposit ($400.00). I say its ludicrous on both points, gave them the names and dates from my previous calls, and after close to 2 hours total ended up cancelling my account with no penalty, and a promise to refund the remaining $50 they owed me.
July: Day before we’re about to close on our first house. I check my account balance and I’m $400 short. This time 4 hours spent going through various supervisors and departments before I finally get the excuse of A) its another department’s fault and B) they cannot put the money back in my account unless that department approves it, but they’re only reachable by e-mail (???) and they have to wait for a response.

(During the first three hours I endured comments like “Well, you did authorize us to charge your account when you started your contract” - that’s for money that I owe you, idiot, not a license for your incompetent company to take money that I do not owe you! Or how about the snooty girl who told me, in so many words, to suck it up?)
$400 is a lot of money for someone in my tax bracket, especially before you close on a house. I Googled until I could find the phone number for the corporate headquarters (I forget where exactly now), explained the situation is as calm a manner as I could muster, and was very nicely transferred by the secretary to some guy named Randy. Randy, god bless 'em, made sure my money was transferred into my account the next day. A happy (and hard fought) ending to my first customer service nightmare.
Verizon: July: While making plans for the move into the aforementioned new house, Verizon was scheduled to turn our new phone on by the next Monday. Monday comes and goes. Major storm had blown through the area and lines were down so I figured they were busy.

Quick jump (for brevity’s sake) to September , when our phone was finally turned on. It took them two months to figure out that out here in the boonies, all the wires are old and there are a limited number of them. The last remaining available line was given to another house on the road that had a bad connection. They managed to do this in the week between the previous owners shutting off their service and the day ours was supposed to reconnect. It took 4 visits from their servicemen (who said they were from across the state because Verizon refuses to hire more local workers) to finally splice in a new line and get our phone turned on. All this while we tried to set up house in an area with absolutely zero cell phone reception (not that I had one; see above) and I pissed my boss off because work was the only place I could make necessary phone calls. We also had friends doing renovations on the house, and I was scared about their safety with no phone service available.

For the first month of all this, while I was still calling the regular customer service line, I would get “estimates” like “the work needed will be done 2 weeks from now” or “they should be finished on the line on another 3 weeks”. It wasn’t until I started calling supervisors at the customer grievance line that I finally started getting accurate information. The day my phone was turned on, I literally fell to the floor and everyone in my office started clapping.

I’m mostly over it by now, other wise I wouldn’t have been able to relate the tales without cursing. However, I no longer sign up for automatic bill payment with ANY company, I will probably never own a cell phone again, and other companies have had to suffer my knee-jerk reaction that all companies are incompetently run, and all low level (and most high-level) customer service people are rude, lying, corporate shills or some combination of the three.
I Pit these companies. Oh, boy, do I ever Pit them.

2

Grrrr! So sorry to hear of your troubles…and, since I’m contemplating switching carriers, you’ve given me a good idea of who I won’t be calling.

3

Thanks Blonde. I figure since I’ll never get my time or aggrevation back from either company, the most I can do is warn others about my experiences. I’m sure a lot of people out there don’t have the time (or my bullheadedness) to fight with faceless corporations that, for lack of a better word, fuck over their customers.

What really got me steamed was the futility of the Verizon situation. In our area they’re still a monopoly. Even if I contacted another carrier (and, suprise, the only other carrier in our area is AT&T - oh hell no) the lines belong to Verizon and there was nothing I could do, besides call them every day from work, and wait until they finally got their act together.

Final note and then I’m done. I had ended up calling the NYS Attorney General’s office and the Better Business Bureau on Verizon after something like their 7th failed promise. The techs that finally came to repair the wire (the final time) admitted that filing a complaint with the Attny General was the best thing I could have done. I guess it really got some heads rolling in the main offices. Lesson: take advantage of these consumer resources in your state, they’re there for a reason and speak better for your case to the mucky-mucks than any amount of frustrating trips through the phone queue.

4

Amen to that. If you’re delaing with a bad company, you need to make threats. It’s sad, but true.

I dealt with a customer service nightmare involving Chase Manhattan Bank. Missing statements, returned payments, late fees piling up, et cetera. I called and called, and wrote letter after letter, and nothing happened until I got really angry. I got online and mailed the FTC, my congressman, my senator, the BBB, PlanetFeedback.com and any place that would take my rant letter.

I got a letter from their corporate office and they waived all the relevant charges and apologized. Spiffy.

5

Fluiddruid , someday I’d like to put up a website detailing all the options available to consumers by state - the local BBB, state agencies, etc. with addresses, phone numbers and what exactly they can and cannot do. Hell, I’d even go so far as to list the phone numbers for corporate offices of major offenders. It took me about an hour on Google to find the AT&T corporate number - there’s certainly no mention of it on their website that I could find. I assume that a very small percentage of wronged consumers take complaints to the state level, and if the information needed to file these complaints was easier to find and understand, customer service overall might just improve a teeny tiny bit. Ahh, pipe dreams… anyway I’m glad you got an acceptable resolution after what was probably hours of frustration.

6

Verizon is evil, evil, evil.
Highlights of my saga with Verizon DSL:

  1. I moved to Seattle and investigated possible sources of broadband internet connection. Most places had a 6 week waiting period to receive service. I went with Verizon, because they were the cheapest. After about 5 weeks, I called and asked when I could expect my service to be activated. They told me my order had been canceled.

I explained the cancellation was in error and I was patiently waiting for my service. They quoted me 4 more weeks to have the service turned on. No amount of complaining on my part that I should be bumped to the head of the line to meet the original 6 week deadline would sway them. It was their mistake, and I waited 10 weeks to get service. Why I didn’t take that as a sign, I have no idea. (I asked for an email address where I could direct a letter of complaint, Verizon DSL had no email address for customer complaints, I wrote snailmail and never received a response).

  1. Months later, I wake up one morning with no connection. The next day, no connection. I call Verizon and end up talking to department after department. Finally, some guy in their tech support area told me my “jumpers” had been pulled, someone had turned my connection off. According to tech guy, it was really a matter of flipping a switch to have the connection restored.

I talked to Billing for hours, no, my payment had never been late. No, there was no reason for someone to turn off the connection. No, they couldn’t immediately turn it back on. Just some lame story how Department A doesn’t talk directly to Department B (??) and it would take 7 days to restore connection.

My resulting fit got me 2 free months of service.

  1. Moved to a new house, requested Verizon DSL to follow us to the new location. This was my boyfriend’s experience with them. He was trying to get the new connection established with assistance from support on the phone. Long story short, guy on the phone just kept having him jump through hoop after hoop but the company hadn’t actually turned the connection on.

John decided that was enough Verizon and cancelled on the spot. We switched over to Comcast and have had stable connection ever since. The story doesn’t end there though! Months later, I’m trying to decipher the maze that is the Verizon phone bill (can’t completely get away from those bastards) and notice a weird charge.

  1. On the phone with Verizon billing for hours, it turns out we are STILL being billed for Verizon DSL. The VERY snotty woman on the phone says this is our fault since John cancelled the account with a Tech guy, not with Billing. I explained that the customer doesn’t know/care about interoffice bullshit, when we’re on the phone with Verizon, we’re on the phone with Verizon.

I want the 5 months of charges removed and dig in for war. The woman calls me a liar, says she has no record of us cancelling the account and no way to tell whether or not our DSL account has been accessed during the 5 months. I offer to send Comcast statements. Finally, the woman determines what John had figured out the day he cancelled, they had never actually turned the connection on for us.

We received a credit for the charges (our phone bill slowly ate through it over the next few months).

  1. So, I ask the snotty billing lady on the phone if I can have the cancellation IN writing. She refuses, says it’s not possible to send me the cancellation in writing. Her office doesn’t have paper, pens, stamps, access to a US post office? No escalation on my part could get me the notification in writing, I find this still baffling.

I’m normally a pretty calm person, I wave people in front of me in traffic, I offer to let someone with 2 items go in front of me in the grocery store, but every contact with Verizon DSL made huge veins pop in my forehead. After all the yelling on my part, I still receive offers to sign up with Verizon DSL.

Fuckheads.

7

Funnily enough, it was the BBB combined with PlanetFeedback.com that got me my response. They sent me a copy of my BBB complaint, along with a letter quoting my public rant.

Calling the corporate office is definitely a good tactic if dealing with regular customer service is fruitless. It depends on the company, though. I work in customer service myself, and we always have people skipping directly to corporate without even ever calling to ask (they have a public address), which causes problems for us poor innocent slobs that would have been happy to give a refund if asked. Plus, it takes ten times as long because the request has to be rerouted and sent to a different state, then routed to the correct department, et cetera… whereas, I can just do the transaction immediately.

When a customer service supervisor called me stupid, I let loose all hell. I was surprised how fast it got resolved after my internet blaze. Fortunately for me, Chase seems to complement its horrible customer service with fast responses to complaints.

I’m still pretty ticked off about it, though. In cell phone minutes and delivery confirmations, I’m still at a financial loss. (They refused to stop calling my cell phone and leaving messages on the voice mail, which costs me money to retrieve because there’s no way to tell who called - and also had nothing come up on caller ID. This was from their “collections” people, I guess I went to collections after one month being late, and harassing me about payments that they wouldn’t accept when I sent!)

That being said, a good progression is:

1.) Start with customer service by phone. It’s fastest, and if they’ll resolve the issue, it spares a lot of heartache. Get a name and extension/operator number or a confirmation number.
2.) If they can’t/won’t help, speak to a supervisor.
3.) If they can’t/won’t help, write a letter.
4.) If no response in 2-3 weeks, call back and let them know that you were expecting a response, and that you will be taking action if they don’t respond.
5.) Take action as I noted in my previous post, and try to get the attention of the corporate office.

8

FWIW, we always had great service with Verizon wireless, but the billing was so fucked up we literally had to call every month to make them get it right. They got the finances right, but never got the credit till at least 2 months later. Considering they never added interest to the overage (and made damn sure to charge a late fee for those that didn’t pay on time) we quit them on principle.

9

And no, we were never late on a bill, just hated how they treat their “clients” in such a manner

10

We gave up on Verizon Wireless, from whom we’d never had a problem in the DC area, when we moved to Louisiana and, after eight months of no problems, suddenly started getting billed roaming charges for every call outside our local area, when we had a national plan! The idiot at customer service tried to tell us we didn’t, but we had sufficient yelling power, not to mention the ability to read the NAME on our plan, to overcome his stupidity (a “nationwide America” plan or some such name – it was obvious at a glance what type of plan it was).

We had to go through several levels of customer disservice to reach someone who finally admitted that when we transferred our plan, Verizon in our new area didn’t have an exact match for the plan so tried to shove us into a different category of plan altogether. Of course, that never explained the eight months of no problems…but we didn’t argue with success. We just abandoned their company at the first possible instant and have never looked back.

With so many people hating them, I really don’t understand how they stay in business.

11

Sooner or later, a cell company will come along that realizes that if they make customer service their first priority - “customer service” including making sure you’re charged the right rate, informing you of changes up front, prompt refunds, and taking responsibility for the effectiveness of their inter-office communications, etc. etc. - they can dominate the market. If everyone that had a beef with their cell provider all signed up with this theoretical company, damn, that’s quite the market share.

But, of course, customer service and efficient operations must rank pretty low compared to priorities like getting the cheapest labor to run their phones, forking it over for snazzy commercials, and the licensing rights to the latest 50 Cent ringtones.

How long will it be before these corporations realize that you can’t skimp on costs when it comes to the “first line of defense” - their customer service phone reps? When I worked CS on the phones for an answering service company, I saw the company offer wages that started at $1 over the minimum wage. I saw no requirement for having a H.S. diploma. I saw them hire the most incompetent people for the job - I mean people with no spelling skills, no phone skills, no customer skills at all. It was a warm body answering the phone and waiting for their 8-hour shift to end. (I realize I don’t know jack about Verizon’s, AT&T’s, et. al. hiring policies. I’m just speaking from what I myself have seen of the sordid world of phone operators.) If they re-invested some of their profits into training, re-organization, and raising the requirements (and the salary) of these operators, they wouldn’t have to beg, plead and run all these specials trying to keep people from switching their service to another provider.

12

I’m noticing a trend here…

My personal AT&T story follows:

When we started our phone service after moving to Nevada, we picked AT&T as our long distance carrier, for no other reason than it was the first name that came to mind. Admittedly, as money was very tight before we both found employment, we fell behind on our bill. I was informed by AT&T that our long-distance service had been cancelled. Probably for the best, I thought, and paid off our bill as soon as I was able.

Next month, I get a bill, for a base charge of like 5 or 10 dollars, and no long distance calls, since I haven’t been making any since, for all I know, I don’t have a long distance carrier. I call Customer Service and am told that when I paid off the bill, my service was automatically restored. Weird. Well anyway, I tell them, I don’t want or need it, so shut it off again please. Am I sure, they want to know? Because blahblahblah-greatplansforpeoplewhodon’tmakelotsofcalls-cakes! No, I say, turn it off.

Next month, I get a bill, 5 or 10 dollars, see above, rinse, repeat. I call Customer Service, tell them Billy Joe Bob Shabadoo or whoever I spoke to said he’d turn off my service. Sorry, they say, but he didn’t, and since I’ve technically had AT&T for the last month, I have to pay or they’ll take me to collections. I tell them no, a couple months go by, the stupid bill builds up, much drama ensues, and I finally eat the bill on the condition that they CANCEL MY FUCKING SERVICE RIGHT FUCKING NOW. “But!” No, RIGHT NOW.

Next month…well, you know what happened. I call, and the first girl that picks up the phone I proceed to tear her a new asshole for about ten minutes, making sure to warn her beforehand that I realize this isn’t her fault personally, but I am about to explode on her anyway. She completely understands, says she’ll credit my account for the base charge, and she’ll make absolutely positively sure that my account is cancelled, even though they have great plans yadda yadda yadda. I tell her alright, but take her name and tell her god help her if I receive another bill.

This month, I have received a bill, but all it shows is the credit that was done on my account, which seems suspiciously still active. I am far too exhausted from dealing with these people to go through this rigamarole again to see if it has, indeed, not been cancelled, so I guess I will wait and see if another bill shows up.

Heh. I actually said to the last girl “Whose dick do I have to suck to get this turned off???”

Anyway. The moral of the story seems to be don’t have anything to do with AT&T or Verizon. Ever.

13

Qwest. My story is about Qwest.

I was living in an apartment and wanted high-speed internet. Qwest DSL was the only option, I discovered after lots of research. Unfortunately, our phone lines were owned by some local company. BUT! We had two phone lines, and only used one. So we got the local company to shut off the superfluous line so we could have Qwest come in and take over that spot and put DSL on it.

OK. So, firstly, between the time I ordered the service and the time they came out to install it, I had to call their service people several times for one thing or another. THREE SEPARATE TIMES I spent several minutes punching through their computer system to get to a live person, only to have that person ask me to hold, then transfer me BACK to the computer system, because they didn’t feel like talking to me. The last time it happened, I’d called in just a few minutes before their center closed. So when I got back to the computer, it informed me that they were no longer taking calls. But at least that bastard got to go home on time.

So it was at least a month and a half between placing the order and the actual installation. The installer came while I was at work, so I wasn’t able to check it out while he was there. Of course, when I got home, I discovered that, instead of installing their stuff in the empty line that we’d freed up for them, he’d disconnected our working phone line that we still used and put his line in that. FUN!

I got to call Qwest again for that one, and I ran into the customer service rep from hell. When I explained what had happened, she asked what I expected them to do about it. I politely but tensely replied that I’d like them to come back, put the DSL in the correct line, and hook up the line that they’d disconnected. That, I think, is when she told me that yelling at her wasn’t going to get me any better treatment. Also, they were NOT going to hook up the line that they’d disconnected, because they didn’t own that line, so they couldn’t touch it. I pointed out that the guy didn’t have any problem disconnecting it, which must have involved touching it in some way, but that didn’t help. Eventually, she agreed to send the guy back out to switch their line to the right spot, but I’d have to have local company rehook up their line. When I hung up, I was literally quivering in anger. Local company, incidentally, was apologetic, but said they’d have to charge me $90(!) to do that, because it wasn’t their fault.

In the end, the tech that came out fixed it all back up the way it should have been, and just asked me not to tell HQ that he did. That was the one high point in this whole story.

Now, as part of the deal, Qwest sends you a modem kit for your DSL kit that costs $100. Well, I got sent TWO kits. And got charged for them both. So I got to call them AGAIN. I was told to slap an included label on the extra kit, and ship it back by UPS, and they’d credit my account for that $100. So I sent it back and didn’t think anything of it, until, a couple of months later, I noticed I still hadn’t got that credit. Another call. Sure enough, they’d never even HEARD of such a thing as an extra kit, and they certainly never recieved a kit back from me! It took a full six months and another dozen calls, including a threat to cancel my account, to get them to finally give me my $100 back.

As soon as I could, I moved to an area where I could get cable internet, which has been GREAT and hassle-free. I also switched to a cell phone, so I no longer have to deal with Qwest. And as the final insult, as soon as I quit with them, they started a new ad campaign touting their fantastic customer service. Bastards.

14

Oh, I don’t have such long and arduous nightmares as you folks, but I have a few stories, nonetheless.

First, Verizon. A relatively simple problem… I used to need an extended calling area, and I wanted to get rid of it. Called their CS line … automated message, yadda yadda, your call is very important to us… click. I called again just to be sure I heard correctly, and it happened again … because they were so busy, I couldn’t hold for an operator, no… I’d just have to guess at when they were less busy and try again. Hah.

Fine, I thought. Let’s take this to e-mail. I e-mailed the support folks, asking them if my account still had an extended calling area. They suggest I access my Verizon Online Customer account or some such … to do that, I’d need to sign up and give them my e-mail address, ensuring lots of spam… so I said I wasn’t going to do that, they could just give me the information via email.

One week and several e-mails later, the CS person had studiously avoided giving me the information I needed, so I sent an email asking where one registers complaints with the company. She never e-mailed me back, oddly. :rolleyes:
And then, there’s Adelphia. Nine times out of ten, I have no problems with Adelphia. Even the CS is good, usually… but one weekend a few months ago…

My cable-modem connection went down late on Friday. I tried the usual reboots and remedies, then gave it up as a lost cause for the evening and went to bed. The next morning, the connection was still off. So I call tech support. They go through a series of things trying to diagnose my problem, and I think I even got bumped to ‘level two’ tech support, or whatever it is.

Finally, late Saturday, one of the tech guys tells me they’re switching over some servers in my local area, and that’s the source of the problem, and no, he can’t tell me when it’ll be back up. The outage was over on Monday, after a 60-hour blackout. This was planned server maintenance. The first guy I talked to should’ve known this. Adelphia should’ve sent an e-mail to the customers in the area warning them about the possibility of outage that weekend. They finally sent an email of warning… after service was restored.

15

To turn things around a little bit, I want to offer a brief success story.

I’ve had hellacious experiences with BellSouth: their customer service is populated mostly by very polite orangutans, who promise the world and deliver nada. After years of their bullshit, we were propositioned by Birch Telecom, a small new company: two reps came out to our business, spent fifteen minutes silently combing through our BellSouth bills, and then showed us exactly where BS was screwing us over. They proposed to take our service and save us something like 30% on our bill – no small sum for a business our size, with some dozen phone lines.

BellSouth either retaliated or showing jawdropping incompetence over the following two months, cutting off the few services we left with them for contractual reasons, lying to us about what services we had, changing passwords without notifying us, not showing up to service appointments, and so forth. Finally we got everything figured out from the technical side of things – and then they put a $3,500 penalty charge on our bill for breaking our contract with them.

We hadn’t broken our contract, of course; to the extent that it had been broken, it was because BS had cancelled services without telling us they would. But nobody I talked with seemed to know what to do about it. I called Birch (that is, I called the cell phone of our personal customer service representative – how cool is that?) and asked her if she could do anything from her end, maybe put some pressure on BS or fax us copies of the service change orders they’d sent through or even tell us who in the government to complain to.

Well, she got started on looking for the orders and such – but meanwhile, she authorized a $750 credit on our phone bill to compensate us for our troubles. Keep in mind that Birch hadn’t caused these troubles, but they were so concerned about the headaches that the switch from BS was causing that they were compensating us for them!

Eventually I screamed at the right person at BS, and they took the charge off our bill. That same day, our Birch contact emailed me and asked me whether I’d had any luck.

I told her that I had, and thanked her profusely for staying in touch with us and for having offered the $750, and asked her how we should handle that credit if it appeared.

Her response? She was sorry that we’d had such a hard time with the switchover, and asked us to keep the $750 as a gesture of goodwill.

I personally can’t say enough good about this company. I mean, it’s almost like a good cop/bad cop thing going on with BellSouth and Birch: BS is so evil that I’d just about trust this other company with my life.

Daniel

16

Don’t know is this is actually true, but it’s one of the funniest I’ve seen before… :wink:

The British do have a way with words…
A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (from their Complaints dept…)
Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions.

Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these
difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office: My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website… HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
Although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools- such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.

Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived…six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate your internet servers downtime is roughly 35%… hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend.

I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred

to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman…and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least A thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don’t care, it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more interested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That’s why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - competents of the highest order. British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver- any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it’s worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, You irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.