You're pissed at ME for something YOU did?!

The BBQ Pit
1

A little background info, my roommate does nothing but go to work (he manages a sandwich shop) chat on AOL, and sleep. He never lifts a finger to clean the place, and leaves his mail, trash and newspapers strewn all over. He buys the Sunday paper to read the want ads, he also gets the free Employment News paper every week. This guy has never stopped looking for a job since I’ve known him. He wants to make a lateral move in food service and he regularly (like 3 times a month) turns down various management offers since they don’t offer enough.

Enough background, here’s what happened.

I was cleaning the house the other day, doing dishes, sweeping, mopping, throwing out junk mail etc. all while he watched and ate. Some small part of his small brain must have felt guilty, because he went over to the stack of newspapers (almost 3 feet high by now) and took them to the dumpster without prompting.

The following conversation ensues after he gets back from the dumpster.

Him: Did you put today’s paper on the newspaper pile? (he’d already read it btw)
Me: Yeah, you watched me do it, didn’t you hear the thud?
H: rolls eyes and makes annoyed sound, slams the door and goes back to the dumpster.

He comes back empty handed, and slams the door on the way in.

Me: Aren’t the exact same jobs in the paper listed on their website?
Him: Yeah but I don’t want to have to go online, I can’t circle things, and…. (he trails off knowing that he’s making no sense)

He grabs his keys, kicks open the front door and leaves a patch of rubber on his way to the convenience store which is half a block away. He comes back and I don’t say anything, until he gives me this glare that clearly expressed rage and contempt.
Voices were a bit louder now.
M: You know, you threw those papers out, not me.
H: Yeah, well that’s your side of the story.
M: Nobody asked you to throw those away, and it’s not like I threw your paper in the trash.
H: I didn’t know you put my paper on the stack.
M: You watched me do it.
H: Shut the fuck up!
M: YOU shut the fuck up! You should be pissed at yourself for throwing your own paper away, it’s just a fucking newspaper, and you already read it!
H: FUCK YOU!
M: So, you’re pissed at me for moving your paper 5 feet, from the floor to the place where we put newspapers!?
H: If you ever wake me up late at night I’ll fucking kill you!
M: You go ahead and do that.

Notice his feeble attempt at changing the subject? He usually says “Oh yeah, well get off my computer” when he’s cornered in a heated argument. He’s such a fucking baby, a baby that’s prone to threats of violence. For the record I did accidentally wake him up one night when I had a couple of friends over. He punched a hole in the wall rather than screaming a polite “shut the fuck up”, the next morning he told me about how he was planning to club me and my friends with his Mag Light for being so noisy.

Sorry for the length and lack of vitriol, it happened a week ago. I just had to expose this asinine behavior so that I didn’t steep in it.

2

If I had a roomie like that, I’d be looking for another place to live. Worst I ever had to deal with was the roommate whose dog regularly took a dump outside my bedroom door. Within 2 months, I had my own place - no more dog crap…

3

Unless you’re prepared to defend yourself against this cretin, it sounds like you either need a new roommate, or a new place to live. Careful with this guy…

Sam

4

It sounds like you’re living with my ex-husband.

So here’s what I learned from experience: There is no saving this relationship (I know it’s not a love relationship, but still). Get the hell out, because anyone who would threaten to kill you when he’s angry over something like this might well be dangerous when he’s under the influence or in that fight/flight mode that sometimes happens when one is woken from a deep sleep in the middle of the night.

Seriously. Get outta there. Anyone this irrational is not safe to live with. God help his future spouse(s).

Best,
karol

5

Yeah, I’ve got to echo the other responses here. Sounds like it’s time to go apartment hunting.

Up until the threats of violence part I was assuming he was just an idiot. The threats though, are uncalled for and it sounds risky for you to stay there.

I’m not saying he’ll do anything, but you never know. Better to be safe than sorry.

6

I’ve had 2 roommates in a row like that. The first one I’ve known since I was 12 and I knew he wouldn’t actually do anything so I just told him not to talk to me until we could find other places to live and now we’re friends again.

The second one was not actually my roommate but my roommate’s boyfriend. We were friends for about a year. I explained to my roommate and her boyfriend when we moved in that he could be over anytime he wanted but I did NOT want his friends over under any circumstances.

After 11 friends were over, most on several different occasions, a horribly stained carpet, broken kitchen faucet, broken coffee table, several holes in the wall, and literally setting the porch on fire (and believe it or not that’s a very brief rundown of things), I told my roommate I was fed up with him. She told him and HE got mad at ME as if I did something wrong.

Normally I wouldn’t give a shit how he felt but he is a raging alcoholic/pothead/opium smoking cocaine addict with no ability to reason things out in his mind and he has a handgun.

Given that I wasn’t about to put myself and my girlfriend in danger for this idiot I found a new apartment the next day and moved out the day after that.

That was last week and already I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

7

My roommate had his psychotic “girlfriend” live here for a few days. It was clear that she had no intentions of leaving or getting a job. I told my roommate that either she left or I did, since I have a job he booted her out that night. Of course he pinned the blame squarely on me. Now when she leaves death threats on our voice mail, she throws in a little something for me too. :rolleyes:

I’d love to move out, as soon as I can find somebody else to room with I’m gone. I just wish that single units weren’t so crappy and expensive.

8

My ex used to get mad at me for things I did in her dreams.

Go figure.

9

For your safety and sanity, get out NOW! Why would you put up with this crap? :confused: I hope nothing happens to you. You seriously need to find another place to live or make him find another place if you lived in this apartment first. Good luck and be careful! Keep us updated.

10

Dude, this guy has some serious anger management problems. Get out of there post haste, before you accidentally do something that prompts him to put you in the hospital, or morgue. If your bedroom has a lock, use it. If you can move in with a friend or family, move.

11

Honey?

Er, Ex-Honey?

:smiley:

(I’ve done the “mad for what you did in my dream last night” schtick… Well I was only barely awake at the time.

12

My roommate seems to be much more bark than bite, but he does have a temper. I’d like to think that I can take care of myself, but I’d much rather stay away from that physical bullshit.

I’m quite conflicted. With him splitting the rent and bills, I can live comfortably and make sizeable payment toward my student loans. If I move out on my own I lose alot, the computer I’m typing on now for one, halved bills, daily human interaction. Well, I do work with alot of people, but I’d feel like quite the loser to come home to a completely empty house every night.

If I can find a suitable roommate, I’m a ghost, until then I still work for my debtors.

13

It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I finally found a decent roommate. Good luck.

14

He’s 31, a few years older than me. He still likes 18year old girls though. :rolleyes:

Racist, pervert, sociopath, why in God’s name am I here?

15

Better the dog than the roommate!

16

Roommates aren’t always great, but they don’t have to be that bad, dnooman. I think you need to set your bar for a roommate a little higher than “not likely to kill me in my sleep.” Seriously, this guy isn’t playing with a full deck.

17

  1. Why didn’t he just go back to the dumpster and get his damned paper?

  2. He threatened to kill you, but you don’t want to give up the stuff he has? He has no respect for you, and probably won’t get any soon. Get out of there!

  3. You’re being dominated. he is intimidating you, and you haven’t shown that you will stand up for it. Are you afraid that if you do he’ll use the handgun?

  4. He’s a druggie with a handgun. When he needs money for his next fix, and he’s all out and jonesing, how do you know you’re not going to wake up with the gun shoved up your nose and him holding you by the collar (or hair) demanding your money?

Get out, man. You can work the rest out later. Go stay with a friend or relative until you get a new place and roommate.

18

What thread were you reading?
He doesn’t do drugs, nor own a gun. He did go to the dumpster, but decided not to jump in. His threat was more rhetorical than intentional, but I agree, I need to find another roomie. It kind of weird, this guy that likes to act all macho when he even percieves a threat, is the same guy who can’t muster the courage to say “table for 2” to the hostess if we go out to eat. :rolleyes: What a bitch.

19

How can you tell that after only a few days? Talk about overreacting.

I understand why she’d do that. It’s bad manners to suddenly throw a temper tantrum and boot someone out on to the street.

20

I knew of her for years. He refered to her only as “Psycho” for the first 2 years I knew about her. This is her boyfriend mind you. I didn’t even know her actual name until I overheard him ask for her on the phone. If you were to go into his place of work and ask who Jessica was, you’d get alot of blank stares. If you asked who “Psycho” was, you’d get all sorts of remarks along the lines of “That crazy bitch (insert incredibly rude/threatening behavior)” Did I mention that her last job was as a stripper, 6 fucking years ago? Guess I didn’t, you assumed that she was a fully functioning member of society, well, she’s not.

Secondly, I didn’t throw a “temper tantrum”. I sat down with my roommate and said that I felt very uncomfortable with her living there permanently, and that one of us would have to eventually leave. Did I mention the death threats? Yes, I did. Those did not start after she had to move back into her old apartment, no. She makes death threats in the same way most people say “hi”. She doesn’t usually say “I’m going to kill you”, she usually says something like “You better watch your motherfuckin’ back bitch, I’m 'bout ready to have a buch of ni**as sent over to your house”. She’s also a big fan of vandalism, she particularly likes bricks through windshields.

Did I over-react by asking my roommate to choose her or me? Fuck no. There’s the full story now you can tell me what a dick I am.