He wrote back! Now what?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Confused? You won’t be, after the next episode of Soap. I mean, Sara and the counter-boy.

I went last Friday night, he wasn’t working. I tell F that I never heard back, and he says “oh yeah, D like never checks his email.” Of course this information comes up 2 weeks late, lol. I asked F to tell D to just check his email. Last night, I get this:

*hey there,

after a few weeks of hiadous(there is a slim chance
that is spelled right) and a brief sabatical to Texas
my computer is working again and I can read and reply
emails…so enjoy work, although that particular night
has long since passed and I’ll see you around the
bean.

-D- *

2

First, you ask yourself the big question: are you sure you really want to become involved with someone who can’t spell “hiatus”? :wink: I know, I’m no help…

But hey! Reply is good. It’s not over-inspiring, but it is hopeful. He probably feels bad that he didn’t get it sooner, which is why he’s justifying his non-reply. Next step: go hang around “the bean” and make an excuse to go talk to him. Laugh about computer problems. Now you have a “story”! Depending on how comfortable he seems talking to you, you might want to rethink your previous resignation.

3

Duh, hit Submit too soon.

Anyway, here’s the rub. I had pretty much given up on this already b/c it was taking too long to happen. I believe what F said, when he said that D doesn’t check email. Does that mean that what D said in his email is just a line? One friend says I should write back anyway and if it takes another 2 weeks to get a reply, then I should throw in the towel.

I lost interest in this already, though. And his reply isn’t so exciting, either. Do I reply and throw in the phone # just to speed things up? Or maybe yall can give me ideas of things/questions to write back to make the email route more worth it? I’m drawing a blank.

4

Go to the bean and hang out where you know he’ll eventually notice you’re there, but don’t approach. If he approaches you, he’s interested. If he doesn’t, he’s not.

5

That seems like the answer to me. This ain’t gonna happen, and it sounds like you’re okay with it not happening. Let it go.

6

Well, his response is pretty noncommittal, but he did respond. I see two options.

One, he’s not interested but is feeling like he should respond since you emailed him.

Or two, he’s interested but shy.

If you’re still interested, escalate. Here’s my tactic from back in my dating days… note that I’m a guy, so this probably breaks The Rules or something.

Find something you want to do, with a couple of friends – see a movie, go out to dinner – tonight. Make plans. Then call/contact the object of your interest and invite them along. Phrasing should be something like “I’m going to do this – would you like to come along?” to clearly indicate that yes, it is an invitation to spend time with you. Pay attention to the response.

“No, thanks, some other time” – probably not interested.
“I’d love to, but I can’t, but call me next time!” – interested.
“Who’s going?” – probably interested (since s/he wants to know if the circumstances are right)

Of course, you kids are probably doing all this with text messaging now…

::grumps off to stare morosely at a fast-approaching 40th birthday…::

7

I was a very shy single guy. Very. Shy.

If a girl I was moderately attracted to wrote me an email, there’s no way I’d respond with something that noncommital. At the very least, I’d include a, “Glad you wrote!” in a response, and most likely a, “So are you gonna be at the coffeeshop tonight?”

If someone I wasn’t attracted to wrote me an email, I’d respond almost exactly how he did. Except I’d spell “hiatus” right.

Daniel

8

Sometimes I wanna just shake you, saramamalana.

Go hang out with him… NOW. Just do it. The absolute worst thing that could possibly happen is he doesn’t want to go out. Boo hoo.

Just go do it!!

I was really shy for a lot of years and I wasted a lot of good opportunities to make friends and go have fun. Don’t let your fear of asking him out stop you.

GO.

:::kicks s. in the butt:::

:smiley:

9

That was just the word I was looking for. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and there ya go.

Also, very much the impression I get. And he doesn’t have a cell phone, so I can’t text message him if it makes you feel any better. :smiley:

FilmGeek, I get that a lot. :slight_smile: Kick in the butt duly noted. He didn’t really leave me anything to respond to, though. Then again, my initial email didn’t leave much either. I have no idea what to say back at this point still. Perhaps your kick will jog some ideas?

As for going and hanging out with him, I’m usually at the Beanery on Friday nights when he happens to work. This Friday I have other plans, though, and I’ll be at a friend’s gig an hour away. My instinct says “so invite him to come out there” but they don’t close until 2am and I’m sure he won’t get out till later than that, by which point the gig is over.

Is it better to offer an invitation anyway? I’m really stuck. I really feel like his email reply doesn’t leave room or invitation for a response.

10

Aw, kid. I know you’re going to kick my ass for this, but take it from me.

Audacity wins the day, or, as I used to say (I used to be a bouncer) to those who didn’t know what “audacity” meant, "You can’t hit a home run if you’re sitting on the bench.

Stop asking so many goddamn questions and just go for it.

The messed-up thing about this whole male-female thing is that we all have unanswered questions. But the scariest and yet most rewarding thing that comes out of that is that there’s only one way to find out what the answers are.

Your whole entire thread is, “well, even if ‘a,’ then what if ‘b?’” And no matter how satisfying an ‘a’ there might hypothetically be, there will always be a fear-inducing ‘b’ as a corollary. But who cares? He’s not standing in your way, you are. You can run all the simulations you want. The only way to get the evidence is in the field. And here the eveidence is close contact and kisses. Worth the risk, I’d say.

Do as I say. Do it now. When you know his shift is up on a day when he’s got at least the next morning off, show up a bit before his shift ends. Be exhausted, parched, whatever. Say, “Hey, D. Gimme a [whatever it is you drink]. But I’m fucking shot, so come across the street and get a beer with me.”

He’s done with work. You’re a girl, and a pretty one. There’s your company and beer being offered and he’s got nothing to do the next day. He’ll go with, and then yu can talk just you and him. And if he doesn’t go with, then say, “Sorry you can’t do it, but I need that beer,” and go get that beer, because he’s not interested. Because no matter what I had going on the next day, if some girl I was interested in asked me for a beer,I’d at least go have one or two, if only to lay the groundwork for when I could spend more time with her.

Get off the bench, kid.

11

I remember that you were a bouncer. It’s also nice that you remember I’m a pretty girl, lol. :smiley: As for showing up before his shift ends, the guy gets off at at least 2am, so that’s not really feasible for me.

I’m tempted to just write back and say this:

Look, rather than potentially wait another 2 weeks for you to reply, I’ll make this easy. I like what I’ve seen from the bit that we’ve talked here and there, and I’d like to talk to you more, perhaps over a beer. Give me a call at ___, because I know you can’t work ALL the time and we could all use a drink after work some days, right?

Too much? I would really just write that now and send it, but I’d rather not have the time stamp on the email show 3am. :smiley:

12

Hmmmm, I actually think he sounds quite interested. Why? You know how you give guys a phone nr and they never ever ring? I think it goes for e-mails too. If he didn’t want to contact you he just wouldn’t have. Computer trouble would have provided him with the perfect excuse should you ever call him on it. There are some nice guys who takes the trouble to ring/mail/text if not interested. The vast majority wouldn’t bother at all, though. The fact that he did seems telling to me.

Then again, if you are genuinely no longer interested then why bother? It is not as if any boyfriend is better than being single.

13

There’s another boy out there who I can’t sit and wait for him to turn my way. I realized that whatever I do about D, I can’t make this other guy affect my choice. I’ve done it before where in waiting for one person, I let something else slide.

I believe I’ll be sending that email, with some minor editing.

14

yay!

insert kicking butt smiley.

dare I say it???

you go girl.

i feel so dirty