I will be filling these orders in bulk to cut down on shipping costs.
Ultraviolet, I am sorry to hear about your illness but I am sure that Dr. Rowland’s system Builder and Lung Restorer will fix you right up. It CURES ALL SORTS OF COUGHS especially bronchitis, Laryngitis, Consumption, Ulcerated throats of ministers and public speakers…improves digestion and builds up solid flesh when the system is reduced to a point below a healthy standard (Which I guess is sorta like a full-body reboot and I guess if you drank the whole bottle you’d be sufficently “rebooted”) It is also a restorer of the liver and is good in general for nervous debility or prostration in either sex. (I initally read that as “prostitution”, but I imagine this would have the ability to clear that right up too since it does everything else).
You can order 3 bottles for $1.50 or one large bottle for 60 cents.
Oh, Sunspace, today is your lucky day! There’s a big sale in the carriage and wagon department. For $69.00 you can buy the Fancy Stick Seat Surrey, which is a strictly high-grade surrey in the very latest style body…dark green with suitable striping. For an extra price, you can also have it furnished with carpet and lamps. You’ll do your dearly departed uncle Jeb proud in this turnout!
Buddafuco, since I do not know if you are of the male or female persuasion, I will offer you a sturdy one-piece Best Bathing suit, *striped horizontally and made like a Union suit with buttons in front. * 75 cents. Or, you can be a little daring and order the very risque Two Piece Suit, for $1.50, which doesn’t even have a description and is located at the verrrry bottom of the page and is smudged quite a bit. Apparently a much-loved and well-worn section of the catalogue. There are no women’s suits offered so if you are woman I suppose you will have to resort to reclining gracefully under an umbrella on the beach while the menfolk frolic in the waves.
BrotherCadfel, it is quite impolite to speak of such subjects in public but since you ask, yes, we do keep our catalogue in the ‘backroom’ for reading purposes only. Only lowborn folks would use it otherwise.
IrreverantTone, I do not see a rubber truss for sale but would you be interested in a Heilberg Generating electric current Belt for $4.00? It will relieve you of hundreds of little aches and pains, including headaches, backaches and weak nerve pains. And will prevent sickness, save doctor bills and preserve health. It also produces 20 volts of electricity to all your vital organs. DO NOT BE WITHOUT AN ELECTRIC BELT!. I suppose if one had an electric belt, one would soon forget one’s need for a truss.
Plnnr, I can offer you a one-of-a-kind Turkish Water Pipe, that will certainly fill all your water pipe needs and even has two flexible stems that two people can partake of at the same time. $2.00.
My dear Winnie, I can fix you right up for your night on the town with a Ladies Tailor-Made Suit of percaline and taffeta with a 3 and a half yard wide skirt and velvet trimming for $17.50, and a Handsome Velvetta Dress Shape hat which has two large ostrich feathers and three sweeping argrettes for $3.25. My, I hope that you have a doting father or husband who will eagerly pay for all this finery!
