Bill O'Reilly To Run for Senate

The BBQ Pit
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Yup

Senate Tags Shut Up Clause to Appropriations Bill

After three days of sometimes fierce debate, the Senate passed a version of an eighty-three billion dollar appropriations bill including the controversial Shut Up clause. In addition to clarifying rules for all debate held anywhere at any time, the clause requires everybody to shut up, shut up, shut up. "I know that many of my colleagues opposed this version of the appropriations bill, Senator O’Reilly (R - NY) said. “I have two words for them: shut up.”
NONPARTISAN Act Passes by Wide Margin

In what proponents are hailing as a huge victory in the war on partisanship, the Senate passed the NONPARTISAN Act by a vote of 88-12. “For years Americans have trembled in fear as partisans have threatened our way of life,” said Senator O’Reilly (R -NY). “Tonight American families can rest safely knowing that we have struck a significant blow against partisanship.” The NONPARTISAN Act calls on the TSA to screen all passenger lists for suspected partisans. It also allows Airport Security personnel to confiscate Al Franken books and adds the question “Do you believe that the Bush Administration should have done more to prevent the September 11th terrorist attacks?” to the pre-flight questionaire.
O’Reilly Endorses Thomas Turbeight Compensation Act

Senator O’Reilly (R - NY) announced Thursday that he would support the Thomas Turbeight Act to compensate poor farmers in three midwestern states. “I never realized how desparate these people’s plight was until I received a very heartfelt letter from Mr. Thomas Turbeight,” O’Reilly said. Aides said O’Reilly also intended to sponsor the Hugh Jass Employment Bill.

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Well, with his “no-bloviating - that’s my job” policy, I think he’ll fit right in with the other 99 douche bags in the Senate chamber.

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What about the No Spin rider he tacked on?

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Personally, I think O’Reilly is a jerk, and a hack. Still if he was skeptical about the Swifties and Coulter hates him so much, maybe there is still hope for him.

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That bill got torpedoed in favour of the Heywood Jablowmee Omnibus Bill.

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The upside is that if does declare his show will go off the air.

The downside is Faux news probably has Michael Savage on speed dial.

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How do we know he would be a Republican? :wink:

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No, no, no. He’s an independent. Just ask him. Pay no attention to those pesky public record voter registration cards.

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If I recall correctly, weren’t his TV ratings fairly poor?

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Someone mentioned that to O’Reilly yesterday on his show, and he blew it off and said it was “just a rumor.” Don’t know if that means anything—you know how this goes.

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On party affiliation:

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Yea, right. I split my ticket too. Once I voted for a Republican for county auditor. That was in 1976, I think. I must be an Independent.

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Is that what the kids are calling it now?

“Yeah, I walked in on my mom in the bathtub, she was splittin’ her ticket.”

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Would you believe it? I just learned that we missed “Talk Like Bill O’Reilly Day” on Monday, at least according to Atrios. Well, there’s still next year.

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Yes, I’ve said to myself a hundred times, “I wonder if Bill O’Reilly is one of those bleeding heart liberals…”

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Good God, I hope that’s not true. If he does run, there will be people like my grandfather who would be very happy to vote for him. He’s got all of his books and is the most conservative-leaning person I have ever met. Differing opinions are not taken well, to put it lightly. Although, I have gotten “the look” from my mother on various holidays when I’ve not been able to hold my tongue any longer. :smiley:

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Hey, somebody has to represent the Stupid People contingency… :smiley: