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#1
11-06-2004, 05:30 PM
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Fucking people who walk 90% of my speed.
Ok, you know what I'm talking about. You're walking down the sidewalk at your normal comfortible walking speed, right? So then this guy or woman steps out about 20 feet ahead of you but they walk just a tiny little bit slower than you do.
So now you are basically creeping up on them. About 5-10 feet away now things start getting uncomfortible. At the current speeds, it will take like 5 blocks to pass them. So do you spend the next 10 minutes shadowing them like a psycho? Do you dart ahead awkwardly only to have them right behind you for the next 20 minutes? Do you slow it down so they can pull furthur ahead? Ok..admitedly a lame rant. 
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#2
11-06-2004, 05:47 PM
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Fuckin-A! I know exactly how you feel.
People are nice, interesting, pleasant. But pedestrians are the most irritating creature on earth! People who walk at 90% of my speed, people who leave a gap that is 10% smaller than comfortable to walk through. People who stand at the stall where I want to stand for about 300% of the time it is necesary to decide whether they want anything from it. People who posess about 5% of a normal human capacity to get out of other people's way when necesary. People who have 175% of the limit for the 10 items or less register. Clerks who have a 3% of the knowledge necesary to operate the till and 15% of the volume of voice necesary to get the attention of the person at another till for help. The girl at the bakery who microwaves my sausage rolls for 400% of the time necesary to heat them. The people who change their walking direction after I have judged it and chosen my own accordingly 98% of the time. Percentages. This is going to be a fun new way to evaluate the 5 minute walk through town that sends me into a murderous rage every day.
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#3
11-06-2004, 06:01 PM
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Similarly, people who stop completely when you are riding your bike directly at them. If you had just kept walking, I wouldn't have had to mow your down!
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#4
11-06-2004, 06:01 PM
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Fucking. Agreed.
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#6
11-06-2004, 06:05 PM
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You'd be an total asshole if you did that.
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#8
11-06-2004, 06:09 PM
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This happens to me all the time since I walk at a faster pace than most people. MlS, it's not a problem when people are walking to one side of the hallway or sidewalk. It's the people who walk right in the middle! You can't get past them without squeezing into the wall or stepping into the street. "Excuse me" works fine once you're close enough to pass them. It's that awkward point when you're 5 or so strides away thinking "am I close enough yet? how about now? what about now?"
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#9
11-06-2004, 06:13 PM
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The worst part about it is that even if you pass them, they will be right behind you for a long time. And what if they start walking faster and pass you? It's crazy.
My solution is that I pretend like I am in a hurry, and start running while glancing at my watch. Once I am out of sight, I can walk normally again.
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#10
11-06-2004, 06:18 PM
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All I can say is, I really, really wish I had your problems. I will go along with the rant against people who walk right in the middle and don't leave room for others to "pass" comfortably. OTOH, maybe y'all need to slow down a mite and enjoy the scenery.
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#11
11-06-2004, 07:23 PM
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sorry, after seriously and permanently frelling my back up 20 years ago, I am *not* in a wheel chair, and I probably do walk slower than you, so sod off. Not everybody is a speed walker. Say 'excuse me' and be polite, not a raving dickhead in a forum that *isn't* walking in front of you.
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#12
11-06-2004, 07:40 PM
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I walk everyday to work, about 2 Km; and Iīve yet to find someone that walks faster than I*. However Iīve never thought bad about people for walking at their own pace, I just walk past them or do a little slalom, itīs actually quite fun. Sure, sometimes itīs mildly frustrating to have to make a pause while I wait for a place to sneak through the line of elderly, chit-chatting women that just came back from the grocery store. I donīt mind it, I walk fast so I can make up for the delay.
 *Fast as in a 10 Km per hour walk pace
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#13
11-06-2004, 07:50 PM
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#15
11-06-2004, 09:51 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
SPOILER:
on it.
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#16
11-06-2004, 09:53 PM
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There's also the problem of the group of people walking line abreast, taking up the entire sidewalk/hallway/whatever. Invariably, they're also moving at a pace best suited for watching snail races.
Sometimes I feel like just speeding up to a run and ramming my way through the inconsiderate cretins.
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#17
11-06-2004, 10:17 PM
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I know a few other people have chimed in already, but I for one have a physical problem that requires me to walk slower than most people. Not slow slow, but slower than almost every other college student apparently.
Not that you probably meant it towards those with physical ailments, but I just wanted to chime in my defense... I'm used to getting passed however I also walk with a minor limp so hopefully that gets me off hook and I don't have to be a 'speeddemon' But I KNOW I piss off so many people on the stairs. I am left handed, and can go down stairs at a NON-snail like pace if I am on the left side only. Since the world is all god damn right handed, everyone gets mad. I actually had someone mutter about me under the breath.  So either I take up the wrong side or I take the right side and go really fucking slow. Gotta love it. And I do, because I am NOT in a wheelchair like most people with my condition are! (or walker, for that matter) /Shadez
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#19
11-06-2004, 10:57 PM
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Remember that his rant is not about people who walk slow, but people who walk 90% of your speed.
It is no problem passing slow people, but passing people who are almost as fast as you is a problem. It's very awkward to say "excuse me", pass, and then have them right behind you for a long time as you walk.
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#20
11-06-2004, 11:23 PM
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I know exactly what you are talking about. I walk really fast. I mean really, really fast most of the time. I am serious when I say my wake has caused papers to fly out of peoples hands as I passed them. However, I will occasionally encounter some freak just like me (usually a girl oddly enough) that maintains just less than my pace ahead of me. I have a secret weapon. It is my passing gear and I am not afraid to use it. I just turn on the afterburners and let it ride past joggers, busses on the street next to me, whatever. It is a little disconcerting to other slow walkers ahead of you and those walking past you but it works. Maintain passing gear until you are at least 25 yards ahead of the person and you are golden.
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#21
11-06-2004, 11:34 PM
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A guy I work with walks really fast. He was sued by a motorcyclist that he ran into while crossing the road. He had to pay all the repairs and medical bills out of his own pocket - who has pedestrian insurance.
For the comfort of the majority I think all shopping centres should have moving walkways at their doors. The walkway should travel away from the doors at slightly less than walking pace. If you can't walk faster than the walkway carries you away from the doors, you can't get in. The snipers with rubber bullets will take care of other pedestrian transgressions - stopping to talk at the top/bottom of stairs/escalators, leaving insufficient gaps between friends, veering, sudden stopping etc.
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#22
11-07-2004, 12:49 AM
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My beloved husband is one of those people, God love him. He walks justalittlebit slower than I do. I'm all right with it most of the time, since I just slow down. But on the stairs...he gets even slower. And I tend to sprint up them. I always seem to be about three nanoseconds from crashing right the fuck into him, and it's not as though he has any REASON to walk slowly, and he's ALWAYS in front of me! Grrr...
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#23
11-07-2004, 01:05 AM
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I've given up on the stairs.
At this point, I just wait until the person in front of me reaches the top, and then sprint up. Then repeat for more flights. The only exception is when there are also people behind me, in which case I start to feel very claustrophobic and boxed in, and it is sheer torture walking slowly up the stairs.
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#24
11-07-2004, 02:32 AM
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People who walk slow and people who stop for communion in the fucking middle of the footpath.........
And families/girlfriends who all hold hands so you can't get past. Oh, yeah, I wanna kill them all. Getouttamywayfuckers. Slow me down and you will incur my huffing wrath. Thankyou. 
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#25
11-07-2004, 02:57 AM
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Does this happen to you guys? I swear it happens to me all the time. I'm walking down the sidewalk, and another person is, say, half a block in front of me, walking in the same direction. The other person stops for whatever reason, let's say to buy a newspaper. As I catch up to the stopped person, and am about to pass him, he picks that exact moment to continue walking again, stepping directly in front of me and blocking my path.
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#26
11-07-2004, 07:46 AM
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Damned Straight.
Also, sometimes, these slow people gang up, and walk in a line that fills up the entire sidewalk. I also hate it when you're shopping, so you stand some distance away from the shelves while you're looking for what you want so other people can come get what they want, and there's always one fucker who pulls up their trolley right in front of you so you can't see a fucking thing!
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#27
11-07-2004, 08:27 AM
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#28
11-07-2004, 10:46 AM
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Sometimes they get narrow, especiially if there are parked cars and trees and trash cans and stuff. It's got to be at least wide enough for two people to pass. And don't forget oncomming pedestrians. If I'm trying to pass and someone comes down the other side, all of a sudden we are in a game of chicken. Quote:
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#29
11-07-2004, 11:41 AM
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"Also, sometimes, these slow people gang up, and walk in a line that fills up the entire sidewalk."
Something about that just sounds funny, like the old Python skit about roving gangs of old people. Then again, the title of the thread is funny too. It would be awful difficult to fuck someone walking faster. If they walk at 90 percent of your speed, at least you have a chance to catch up and "couple". Just like a couple of locomotives?
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#31
11-07-2004, 06:37 PM
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This would've made a good Seinfeld episode... I can picture it now.
Jerry (agitated voice): "I don't know if I can stay in this relationship!" George (while eating some chips on the couch): "What's the problem?" Jerry: "She's a slow walker."
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#32
11-07-2004, 06:46 PM
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I don't mind the slow walkers. It's the near pissers that get me.
You know what I mean, guys. You're alone in the men's room, entire wall of urinals, you take the first one cause you're lazy and why not. Another guy comes in. But instead of taking a pisser down the wall a bit, he takes the second one, right next to you. Then he starts whistling. Just one of these days when that happens I swear I'm gonna turn around and shout at the top of my lungs, "Hey, buddy, take a hike, you're fucking freaking me out here!"
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#33
11-07-2004, 07:06 PM
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Fucking people who walk 90% of my speed.
Analysys of the space-time relationships involved suggests that fucking people who are walking 90% of your speed should be easier than fucking people who are walking 110% of your speed.
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#34
11-07-2004, 07:30 PM
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Just from the title of the OP I can say fuckin A!
I'm always in a rush, and these people drive me batty. I'm working on a "people wedge", two pieces of plexiglass at at angle with handles on the back that I can use like a human cow catcher. I'll let you know how it goes. Hmmm, I can sell ad space on it as well.
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#35
11-07-2004, 07:49 PM
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Once, a classmate did this, so I stare at the wall thinking "Why don't you give me some personal space..." when he asks "HEY! Whatcha looking at?!" Asshole! As for the OP - amen.
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#37
11-08-2004, 01:01 AM
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What's even worse than the slightly-slower-walker, is the slightly-slower-walker-that-you-happen-to-know-but-not-very-well. You know the guy, but you have nothing in common and don't particularly want to talk to him. If you pass, you are forced to say hello, then if you carry on, you look rude.
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#38
11-08-2004, 07:13 AM
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My interpretation of the rant wasn't a criticism of the person in front, since we're all that person half the time, but a vent at the frustration of not being quite sure what to do. Someone who's blocking yuor way has an obvious fix: stand to one side, but someone walking doesn't, and if there's nothing they can do it's not their fault. It could have come equally well from the other side.
The frustration isn't someone walking slowly, but just slightly slower, because you have to chase them to say "excuse me"
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#39
11-08-2004, 07:28 AM
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To the OP: although some people in this thread seem to have misunderstood you, I understand you COMPLETELY.
I have a couple add-ons. ONE: It's almost worse when you're jogging. Well, you need to pass them, but you don't know if maybe they're just warming up, so they'll be passing you again. So, you look like you were "competing" and now they trounced you. Also, if you do the "passing gear" manouver, which can work for walking, it can bite you on the ass if you used up too much energy, and pretty soon you're going 90% of the speed of the guy you just passed. TWO: When you're going somewhere in particular, like a coffee shop. You need to make an assessment of whether it's worth the discomfort to actually make the pass, or just stay behind until you get where you're going. Invariably, if you make the pass, they come in right behind you. Sometimes so close that you need to hold the door for them. Now, who gets in line first?
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#40
11-08-2004, 07:43 AM
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Oooh! how about this one; person walking towards you, but with their head turned, talking to someone (more or less) behind them; no matter which way you go to avoid them, they just seem to wander towards you and it will somehow be YOUR fault when a collision occurs.
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#41
11-09-2004, 12:53 AM
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This one drive me nuts. While the 90%er problem is somewhat irritating in a "what do I do and still remain a reasonably polite person" kind of way, I don't mind slipping into high gear and around these folks with a polite "scuse me" too much. But, those Veerers just drive me crazy. You're walking toward someone who is also walking toward you, and for some inexplicable and EXTREMELY annoying reason they decide to veer directly across you path when??? Not several feet before they reach you, not several feet after you've passed them.... Oh no, of COURSE not, they are so in their own little world's that they veer directly INTO YOU. Unless of course you manage to come to a screeching halt and back up quickly enough to avoid it. Something which is nearly impossible for me to do, and very painful to attempt to boot thanks to the now year and a half old injury in my right lower leg. And I swear, even if you try to anticipate them and veer way before you get to them, or try to swing out so as to veer after they've gone by, it doesn't matter!!! It's as if they're heat seeking missiles or something, only they're other pedestrian seeking missiles. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
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#42
11-09-2004, 01:12 AM
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#43
11-09-2004, 03:36 AM
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#44
11-09-2004, 08:47 AM
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This is one time when I have to chime in with the opposition.
What's your fucking hurry? I can see arguing for some passing room, nobody's got the right to the whole lane. But there are a million reasons why someone might not be in a rush. Last year I was pregnant and miserable, and not able to do anything quickly. It's awful to be in the grocery store and have these 99-yr-old little scrunched up people flying past you on the way to the checkout lane. And I hate it when people race you from the parking lot to the front door of an establishment. Tacky.
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#45
11-09-2004, 09:48 AM
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I can offer no advice for how to deal with the 90%ers, but I've developed a sound technique to deal with the <40%ers. After minutes of frustratingly trying not to step on their heels, I just stop walking altogether. I stand perfectly still (trust me, they're not going to open up any appreciable gap), put my hands on my hips, glare at the backs of their heads, and think angry thoughts. As if by magic, they read my mind.They stop, turn around, get a sheepish grin, offer an apology, and let me pass. I smile back as if all is forgiven, then pass.
It's win/win and it's foolproof.
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#46
11-09-2004, 10:01 AM
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Nobody. is. pitting. people. who. walk. slow. The OP was about that unusual, weirdly, uncomfortable situation of walking just barely faster than the person in front you and trying to make the decision of passing them as you creep up on them from the back. If you never walk anywhere, or if you walk slow, you have probably never found yourself in the OPs situation.
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#47
11-09-2004, 10:05 AM
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And as Trunk said, it's not about the people who walk slow, it's about the weird position you end up in.
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#48
11-09-2004, 10:17 AM
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No, it's not the end of the world. It's not like you found out that your neighbor's husband was looking at child porn on your computer. It's not like Bush stole the election. It's not like you were attacked in the middle of the night by a blimp. It's a little thing. A little, yet highly annoying thing. Last time I heard, we were allowed to Pit little annoying things. I don't think the OP was taking itself terribly seriously. Why are you?
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#49
11-09-2004, 10:32 AM
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Oh, for crying out loud.
I wasn't typing with venom; sorry if it seemed that way. Well, okay. Actually in my little corner of the world, there are an awful lot of people who behave as if they're the Most Important Person Ever & everybody had better keep out of their way. They do genuinely get on my nerves. One of them just about ran me off the road the other day. But you're correct, that's not what the OP was saying. My bad.
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#50
11-09-2004, 10:39 AM
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I just get a little fed up when some innocent OP comes in and posts something like "I just ate the grossest hot dog" and some nitwit answers by accusing him cruelty to dogs and threatens to call the ASPCA on him. Some people just don't know when an OP is posting partially tongue-in-cheek and they take it way too seriously. This thread is teetering on the edge.
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