judgmental woman

The BBQ Pit
1

I want to rant.
We had been going to this church for over a year.
This couple that drives us had to go early the month of Nov. I told them we would not come for a few weeks as my son had been sick and I wanted him to get extra sleep.
Monthly, the church has a fellowship dinner.
I left a message asking them if they were taking us and to call even if they weren’t.
No call.
SO I tried calling a few others. I got ahold of her daughter and SIL. They agreed to take us, even though it was out of their way.

After the dinner, she said her mom and father in law would take us home. i figured it was so she wouldn’t have to go out of her way again.
So, on the way home I am waiting. Sure enough, the radio gets turned down and the wife starts in about how they purposely didn’t call me cause why should I go to a special event when I can’t e bothered to go to church. How I should make my son get more sleep, what a bad mother, how I am a taker and not a giver (she wouldn’t know, she’s never called me to say hi or anything).
And how dare I make her daughter drive so far as they are struggling (though they are working and I am not).

Needless to say we are not returning to that church.
thanks for listening.

2

If you really like the church I wouldn’t let one family prevent you from going. Surely there is another way of getting there.

3

Oh vanilla. I am so sorry this happened to you. I am even more sorry your son had to witness this behavior. Does he understand?

On preview, I am glad Velma asked it first. Why are you quitting that church?

4

My son understands. He was like “That was rude!”

Well, there really aren’t others really close by to us and the husband is an elder. I need to e mail the pastor and find out what he thinks.

5

Wow Vanilla, why do you hate Jesus?

not that you do, but that’s the attitude you’re up against, and it sucks. That type of social chickenpecking is not what church should be about.

6

Instead of emailing the pastor, what do you think would happen if you were to call the woman up tomorrow and ask her to take you to church this Sunday?

7

They would, but what she said was wrong.
I know, I once did it myself. Long ago, in another church, the old “Why weren;t you there Sunday? theres no good excuse, you know.”
And that was wrong.
Her daughter agreed, she(the mother) acted like I took horrible advantage of her.

8

When I used to attend church, my standard response was: “I’m sorry. I believe your check was late.” When the offensive idiot queries my statement, that’s when I inform them that unless they wish to pay all of my bills, what I do and when I do it none of their business. :smiley:

9

Reason 4,672 that I no longer belong to a church. If you miss even one sermon (even during “Revival” week, where you have to go every single night) it’s all about the guilt tripping “ooooh, we MISSED you last Sunday”. :mad: What are you? The Sunday School Police? Nowhere in the bible is church membership required. (okay, so I’m not the world’s greatest theologian :D).

I do however, remember from my Sunday School daze, things like "remember the sabbath and keep it holy (and only going to a building and listening to some moron drone on about HIS translation of the bible can do this?), and “where two or three are gathered together”.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to turn this into an anti-church rant. But it’s very possible to be a christian without being religious, or belonging to any specific church. I do attend church, but not every Sunday, and not the same church. God exists outside its doors (IMHO even moreso than in church, if some churchgoers are any indication).

10

I hate it when Christians do this. From what I’ve seen in real life, the little slights and rudenesses do as much to drive people from Christianity as the great debates, so to speak.:wink:

I’ve mentioned the friend of mine who used to be as ardent a Fundamentalist Christian as any who’ve graced this board, went on to be an Atheist and is now a Wiccan. When he found Jesus, he joined a church which I’ve never heard him say anything but good of. It was a loving, supportive, ardent community, and, 30 years or so later, he still has fond memories of it. When life took him to a different city, he and his wife tried to find a similar church in their new city. Because he and his wife are good, experienced musicians, every church they went to immediately asked them to take over their music ministry, while showing no interest them as people. They were new, musical people, not human beings looking for a church home. Because they couldn’t find the spirit they were looking for, they drifted away. I’m sure there’s more to the story, but that’s the way I was told it.

I’ve been accused of being too liberal, of being too willing to let anyone in. That accusation is true – I do absolutely believe churches should take anyone in, “Just as I am, without one plea” as a favorite hymn goes. One reason I love the Episcopal church so much is every one I’ve been too, even one’s I’ve been to on vacation, have made me feel welcomed and love. Two have been second families to me, and one of those bailed me out when a small financial crisis hit. I would think if a regular churchgoer missed a few weeks without warning, rather than saying, “No, you’re not welcome here,” they’d say instead, “Are you all right? Is there anything we can do to help?”

I’ve attended Anglican church services everywhere from Winchester Cathedral to a beach in Hawaii, and I’ve worshipped in private in my home and deep in the woods, among other places. The most intense religious experience of my life took place when I was a patient in a mental hospital, although that was a special situation. In each place, God has heard and answered me. An omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient God is far too big to be confined between the four small walls of a church, and in this case, even a cathedral is small.

Vanilla, I am sorry this happened. Next time that woman complains about you not coming to church on Sunday because your son needs you more, I suggest you remind her of Mark 2, especially verse 27 in which Jesus says, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.”

CJ

11

Man, vanilla that sucks. She had no business saying that, and her husband should’ve done something to try to either stop her or make it clear that it was not appropriate.

I would say, though, that your idea of emailing the Pastor is entirely appropriate in this case, since the man is an elder. Church Elder is an office that was originally called “deacon” - it was established to have a group of people assisting the “flock” with spiritual and physical needs. (They were the ones who were selected in Acts to oversee the distribution of food and money to the widows and orphans to ensure that everyone was getting a fair shake.) As such, the Elders are (and should be) held to a higher standard of living. This may seem unfair, but this is a voluntary position and if they can’t handle it, they can always step down.

Paul says in 1 Timothy 3:8-12:

(NIV)
(bolding mine)
So if she can’t keep her yap shut about her opinions of you missing service, and her husband-the-elder does nothing about this, then the Pastor needs to know. And by the Pastor’s response you’ll find out if this is just one person’s opinion or if this is an “official” stance - in which case I, at any rate, would be looking for a new church that’s FAR more interested in serving the people instead of Pharisaical Rules.

12

I did e mail the pastor last night, I will await his reply.

Believe me, if the elder didn’t want her to say this, she wouldn’t have, wives must be submissive in this church.

13

Churches attract weirdos.

Godders are scary people.

Anyone who can suspend rational thought in favor of a comforting fantasy is someone to be avoided.

14

Hey, now, just because I play Dungeons and Dragons is no call to get insulting.
Daniel

15

Touche’. :stuck_out_tongue:

16

Well, vanilla, you must not be the right kind of Christian, in this couple’s eyes. This is unfortunate, because the church and community is not (and should not be) about them and their expectations of your life. Find another church where you are more free to be who you are, and are accepted unconditionally. Your path doesn’t need to be blocked with that kind of attitude.

Vlad/Igor

17

ALT-130: Touché.

18

I’ll echo the others, and say “don’t let a few Pharisees influence your place of worship.” If the church is a comfortable fit with your belief system, by all means continue to attend.

I’d cut the cord if the dominant attitude is as condescending as what you’ve described; if tithes are expected, groupthink predominates, and the masses try to demonstrate how “Christian” they are instead of honestly trying to follow the philosophy and live their lives in the way Christ taught. It’s sad to see how so many “Christians” really aren’t.

19

Church people, such as deacons, elders, choir members, committee members, etc. are big fucking bossy pains in the asses. I say this as the daughter of a minister. I totally believe that they use their church affiliation as an excuse to be self-righteous dickwads and wouldn’t dream of being that way to people from work or the neighborhood or their kids’s schools or whatever. I wouldn’t subject my family to a church.

Just wondering, though, vanilla , how do you get to the grocery store and stuff if you can’t take yourself to church?

20

Just my own opinion… I try to avoid using e-mail for any communication of this sort.
The usual problems:
[ul][li]The e-mail can be forwarded to everybody and his dog.[/li][li]E-mail strips all nuances of language and tone from the message, allowing the reader to apply his or her own (usually the most negative).[/li][li]Months after an issue has been put to bed, the permanent record of e-mail can be used to stir up problems where there shouldn’t be.[/ul][/li]As you may have guessed, e-mail communication caused some problems in my own church. Personal issues like this are often better handled face to face or over the phone.