Put some damned clothes on--you're in church!

[sub]Note to the Mods: Since this is set in church and may be considered witnessing because it could encourage people to join my church for the scenery, it may belong in GD, although that’s a pretty crappy reason to get dressed up every Sunday. Or some people may decide to flame me for my apparent “women as sex objects” attitude or take my chador crack seriously. Then again, it’s mundane and pointless and and I don’t really complain that hard. Feel free to move it wherever it belongs.[/sub]

How the hell am I supposed to pay attention to what the pastor’s saying when you’re standing there, looking so fine? Okay, I admit I already wasn’t paying any attention to him, but day-am! Has your husband* mentioned that your skirt follows every curve of your muscular bottom, including the dimples in your cheeks? I rather hope not, so you’ll wear it again.

And you, Jailbait. There should be a law against you wearing a skirt that short** before you’re eighteen. “Honest, your honor, look at her! Does she LOOK fifteen?”

I try to concentrate in church. God knows I try.

Okay, He knows I don’t try very hard. But attractive women in revealing clothes make that minimal effort worthless. Impure thoughts flood my head. Well, not all THAT impure. More like, “appreciative of His works.” But still…

Maybe we should try introducing the Lutheran chador? Naw, I’d still find a way to have my impure thoughts. Need to do something during the slow parts.

    • If you prefer guys, he’s actually even more attractive than his wife, in a balding, strikingly handsome way. His wife is, well, pretty in a quirkier way, but it works for both him and me.

** - Wife: “If you liked that, you should have been at the Good Friday service.”

So let me get this straight. In church, damned clothes are OK, but holey clothes would be bad? Theology is so confusing.

I think hole-y clothes would be even worse!

I’m presenting myself for stoning for that bad and pointless pun.

So . . . uh . . . where exactly is your church, dropzone?

Mmmm, I remember this from my churchgoing days. (long time ago, but still…)
I got a taste of those old times a few years ago when this incredibly gorgeous and religious young lady developed a crush on me, to the point of giving me her phone number. (I didn’t ask.) For some reason, she didn’t realize I was married until after that. I mean, I wear my ring every day, and I’m not shy about talking about my wife.
But I suppose she just wasn’t paying attention when I talked to her.
But back to the subject: I could imagine this girl in her tight skirt and high heels standing there in church forcing all you churchgoing guys to think less than religious thoughts.
Have fun!

Um, that was my bad and pointless pun.

Nowhere close to you. Before he started bringing his wife I thought he might be in your, um, fraternity, being, uh, rather more sensitive looking than your typical Lutheran. Short hair, well groomed, stylishly dressed. The usual.

Sorry to disappoint you.

Finagle, give her a break. She’s Canadian. :wink:

I dunno when this went by the wayside, but when I was growing up I had a sense that the sort of the dressing up you did for church called for different dress-up clothes than one would wear to a bar or cocktail party or to pick up the latest john your pimp set up for you. No fishnets. No slinky fabrics. No micromini skirts. No bare shoulders. No strappy heels. No low cut tops, or halter tops, or molded-so-tight-your-nipples-stick-out tops. It’s fine to own them and wear them–just not to church.

Apparently this went out with the horse and buggy.

I was at our capitol the other day and they had a high school choir in singing over the noon hour. Same thing: girls wearing the sorts of outfits I’d associate with going to a nightclub. Not to school, and not to a concert at a public building in front of elected officials. I thought I was being some real tightass dried-up old bitch, but I heard several of my colleagues remarking upon it later, too.

I’ve noticed this is also true of weddings–wedding dresses are getting more like evening gowns (as are bridemaids’ dresses) and I guess I’m getting more used to it. They’re dressing for the reception, not the church. But I still tend to think “Spaghetti straps in church!!!” or “Is that STRAPLESS???”

I’m 33 going on 94.

Cranky, I drove past a church shortly before a wedding once. One of the bridesmaids was out front with a man whom I will assume was her father. The sun was going down and shone right through her dress, illuminating her lower anatomy.

I knew I was getting old when I caught myself just before I yelled at the father that any idiot knows enough to make his daughter wear a slip with a dress like that.

I think it’s parenthood. I have become more defensive of young girls because I have so many daughters.

Yeah, nothing makes me feel older than church. When I was a kid going to church, it was like Cranky said – you wore church clothes. You know, with sleeves, no cleavage, not too short. And always a dress – this was in the late '70s, BTW.

Then, from 1975 until last year, I took a break from church. Last year, my husband (who is Lutheran) decided he wanted to send the kids to confirmation class, Sunday school and all that jazz. Being a soft-atheist, I agreed. I even agreed to go with them occasionally. I was astonished at what passes for church clothes these days. Tank tops! Micro mini-skirts! Shorts, for cryin’ out loud! Last time I went (2 weeks ago), I saw a young girl – 8th grade, she’s in my son’s confirmation class – wearing some of those surfer girl shorts that are cut like boy-cut bikini bottoms, and a freaking titty top! You could see her belly button! In church!

My kids dress decently for church. Being an athiest, I’m not afraid of the wrath of God. However, I’m sort of afraid that if I let my daughter go to church with her belly-button exposed my grandmother would clamor out of her grave, drag her rotting corpse cross-country and smack me senseless.

In my case I’m afraid that Fr O’Hara will do that. He used to hit altar boys who screwed up. During mass. On the altar.

One daughter wanted to wear a cute and formal enough hat to church last Sunday. Oldest thought that wearing a hat in church was disrespectful.

“Nonononononono,” says I. “NOT wearing a hat in church is disrespectful!” And I related the tale of girls sitting in mass with Kleenex the nuns had pinned to their hair so they would be “properly” covered.

And then there are the kids who sit and read or play with their Gameboys during services! Not just the littlest kids, whom the church provides with coloring pages, crayons, and Teddy Grahams to keep 'em quiet, but pre-teens! And eating in church! In the day, we could have no food or drink after midnight and no water for two hours before communion. Made you think twice before attending the 12:15 PM mass!

<sigh> Jess, isn’t it weird how, despite our personal lack of beliefs, we end up supporting the religious status quo? I sometimes envy people with strong beliefs, either pro-religion or anti. Must be nice to care that much. But I digress into something that could be seen as religious debate.

Cranky, I think we’re soul sisters…

Look, you can’t fool me. Don’t deny it.

This is really just an attempt to get me to convert! Well, it won’t work! We jews got the total BABES! Like that crazy ‘punch me, cmon punch me’ chick in ‘Keeping the Faith’! There’s a woman you drop-and-give-twenty for!

Why not just turn up naked to church? Some folks do, apparently.

ps sorry about the lack of pics in the link :wink:

[Edited by Coldfire on 05-02-2001 at 11:19 AM]

dropzone, if it’s bothering you that much, just sit in the front row. That way your eyes (and other body parts) won’t be lead astray.

**Colin Wilkinson wrote:

Why not just turn up naked to church?**

Do you know what Pagans mean when they use the term “sky-clad” ??

Doesn’t that involve skinning members of an 80’s MOR/prog rock band and wearing same? or is that “Sky-clad”?

This thread brings to mind the time I saw a woman waiting to go into church and I noticed that half of the back of her split skirt was tucked into her pantyhose, and she was really showing off her anatomy (I will not make any
half-assed jokes here). I did have the common good sense to go up to her and tell her about it. After she checked it out in a car mirror, she stood in front of the car and untucked it, while saying “Thank you” and blushing to high heaven (visible through her middle dark skin).

Wasn’t Jesus supposed to have beed crucified, wearing nothing but a lioncloth?

If it’s good enough for the church to portray him like that, what’s the harm in a tank top?

See, that’s why the world is going to hell these days – too much suggestive clothing in church.

I mean, there’s God, listening to our prayers: “Okay, First Lutheran wants me to end world hunger, cure the sick, and bring about peace on earth and good will to…WOW, check out the gazongas on that babe! I feel a resurrection coming on, if you know what I mean!” Obviously, we’re distracting Him. :stuck_out_tongue:

Actually, these days,it’s more like “Hey, those aren’t the gazongas I gave her. Sheesh. I wish I’d never created silicone… Does she realize they lookfake?”

In my church, very few people actually dress up- t-shirts and jeans is pretty much the rule. Some of the men wear Bermuda shorts. But, by God, we dress modestly. No cleavage, no miniskirts- when I do wear a dress to church, it’s ankle-length, baby.

We get a lot of visitors- a lot of them never go back to their old churches, being as how our congregation is so warm and friendly.

A lot of these visitors show up in the miniskirts and spaghetti straps. We actually had one girl show up in shorts so short her butt-cheeks were hanging out.

Call me old-fashioned, but I think that you could show a little respect for God’s house and dress modestly when you come to church.