Since when are belly-button revealing midriffs appropriate attire in a church? I’ve seen it not only at weddings, but at funerals!
In fact, if we’re not at the beach, I don’t want to see your belly-button, male or female. Not in church, not at the mall, not at work, not in the hall. I don’t like belly-buttons Slut-I-Am, I do not like belly button jam.
Sorry, I Seussed.
Same goes with the arm pit. Shaved or not, male or female. I want a layer of cloth between me and your stink pit, understand?
And especially… very especially… at church. Since when is ‘dressing up’ for a religious service (Sunday, wedding, or funeral) the same thing as ‘dressing up’ for a rave? Don’t wear your ‘come fuck me’ clothes in a house of God you harlot.
The worst are you whores who go sleeveless AND strapless. You know what you’re wearing? No, it’s not a dress. It’s a tubetop with an attached skirt. A fucking tubetop. You gonna bounce up and down on the wedding dance floor later? Perhaps an ‘accident’ will happen while you’re drunk and you’ll expose your breast like you’ve always secretly fantasized about?
No? Then wear a strap (preferrably sleeves) you dizzy bitch.
The worst part? These are the bridesmaids. Yes, the bride and her mom and her maid of honor all conspired to dress up the women in the wedding party as street walkers. Now isn’t that just what you want for a religious ceremony?
It’s not just the woman… Boys, or should I say ‘Boiz’? You wannabe wigger gangbangers. Listen up: a t-shirt, even if it’s a skin-tight all black or all white designer t-shirt is not formal or semi-formal attire. Why don’t you just wear lycra or paint yourself in latex to show off your hot fuckbody? You’re at church, not on the make, you – and I mean this in the most literal way – dickhead.
For Christ’s sake (and yes, do it for Jesus you clueless reprobates), put on a jacket over the t-shirt, put on a shawl or sweater over your tubedress. You’ll at least retain some semblance of dignity in church before you go to the reception and shed your wrap, expose your body, get shitfaced, and fucked up. Idiots.
Now, if I’m describing anyone in your family or circle of friends and you haven’t had a talk with them about proper attire in public, formal occasions, and in a house of worship… shame on you. The minister shouldn’t have to upbraid them from the pulpit; you shouldn’t have let them leave the house like that in the first place.
Fight ignorance and indecency.
<deep breath> Ahhhh… that felt good.
Oh, one more thing regarding glitter make-up (in the hair, as an eye shadow or body spray, or on the clothes): It’s over. Nineteen eighties over. And you’re responsible for cleaning up every speck of glitter you shed, you filthy, whoring litterbugs.
Honestly, I’m not misogynist nor a prude. I hate all people equally and rationally.