Gay dopers: is this an acceptable term?

[Martha Medea]

Is 'fag hag' to describe a heterosexual woman who enjoys the company of gay men considered offensive?

If so, is there another term for it?

Is there a male equivalent (as in straight male with lesbian friends)?

[Absolute]

I'm not officially qualified to say, not being a member of the gay community, but my instinct says it's probably not the ideal term...

[Priam]

Sometimes it is used but I've known several women of this stripe who prefer less crude terms like "fairy princess". I've seen straight men who hang around with lesbians get referred to as "dyke tykes". There's another term out there but its slipping my caffeine-deprived brain.

[Otto]

"Fairy princess"?! Oh right...

Anyhoo, like so many other terms it depends on who's using it and why. What's acceptable for mambers of an in-group is not always acceptable for outsiders. I'm not particularly offended by it and I don't know anyone who is, but then I don't have any hags myself.

Another term I've heard is "fruit fly," and for men who hang with lesbians, "Dutch boy."

[Martha Medea]

Thanks so far. Gay men I know use it fondly: 'she's such a fag hag'. Also to describe a straight male friend.

Would it qualify as one of those terms that used to be offensive but has been reclaimed, like queer, or dyke?

I know I've heard straight people saying it in a derisive or dismissive tone.

I'd never heard 'Dutch boy' or 'dyke tyke' before.

[Eve]

Speaking as a fag hag myself, in mixed company, it is considered more polite to refer to her as someone's "hag," with the "fag" left unsaid but implicitly understood.

—Emily Post-Haste

[LifeOnWry]

Personally, I prefer "Fairy Godmother."

[Brandus]

It's pretty common in my circle of friends to call our chortly female companions "our "hags". For instance when mine calls I usually tell people "Oh, that was just my hag." No relevant parties are offended.

[Miller]

It seems to me that anyone hip enough to properly use the phrase is almost certainly not intending it in a derogatory fashion. I certainly don't find it offensive, and am having trouble thinking of a context in which I would.

[Ephemera]

Not being fully gay and very unlikely to ever attract a group, I'm not the best person to reply but I think the term's okay. As Miller said, most anyone actually using it doesn't intend it in any derogatory manner but I have to admit, I don't care for the way it sounds.

Fruit fly and Dutch boy are awesome though. I love both of them.

[DMark]

My straight brother would love to get hang around Lesbians if they would let him in the bar. I am sure their name for him would be disgusting lecher perv.

I have known quite a few women who wore their self-proclaimed fag-hag status with pride. I

n German the phrase for fag hag is "Tunten Mutti" (Queen Mum). My guess is that some queen in England might not like the anglo version of that phrase catching on.

[chaoticbear]

Originally Posted by DMark

In German the phrase for fag hag is "Tunten Mutti" (Queen Mum). My guess is that some queen in England might not like the anglo version of that phrase catching on.

I could never say that with a straight face.

[DMark]

Originally Posted by chaoticdonkey

I could never say that with a straight face.

Actually, it is probably better translated as "Queen Mommy"...and maybe you would have better luck saying it with a Gay face?

[Eats_Crayons]

Originally Posted by Miller

It seems to me that anyone hip enough to properly use the phrase is almost certainly not intending it in a derogatory fashion. I certainly don't find it offensive, and am having trouble thinking of a context in which I would.

Ditto. I can't think of any context that would offend me or any of my GLBT friends. Will and Grace even did a schtick about it when Grace got married. Everyone was almost more concerend about Will "losing his hag." The fag was of course implied, for those less-than-hip viewers who might have misunderstood.

[Sampiro]

I consider it offensive, but only to the woman. To me a fag-hag isn't a woman who has gay friends but one who seems to have gayness as a prerequisite to friendship and who is generally emotionally stunted in regular relationships- just not a thing you'd want to be.

As for fag, totally depends on who is using the term and in what context. If Dick Cheney said it I'd be livid and if Bette Midler used it I'd be a lot less so.

[Eve]

Originally Posted by DMark

In German the phrase for fag hag is "Tunten Mutti" (Queen Mum). My guess is that some queen in England might not like the anglo version of that phrase catching on.

From what I hear, the late Queen Mum was a fag had extraordinaire.

[Eats_Crayons]

Originally Posted by Sampiro

I consider it offensive, but only to the woman. To me a fag-hag isn't a woman who has gay friends but one who seems to have gayness as a prerequisite to friendship and who is generally emotionally stunted in regular relationships- just not a thing you'd want to be.

Wow, I never would have seen it like that. I know a lot of proud, self-proclaimed fag hags who, quite simply, have best friends who are gay men. They also have pretty varied and fulfilling social lives.

A woman who only seems comfortable around gay men? I would not call her a fag hag, I'd call her "someone with 'issues'..."

A fag hag is a gal who, dang it, if it weren't for the fact that she was a woman, would make a great gay man herself. Some of my friends are hags (heck, one even loves Liza Minelli and has been known to be the only non-gay-male in the audience), some of my married straight friends are hags. If I had better fashion sense, I'd make a decent hag (although I think my own queerness nullifes the hag pre-requisites).

[chaoticbear]

Originally Posted by DMark

Actually, it is probably better translated as "Queen Mommy"...and maybe you would have better luck saying it with a Gay face?

Is "Tunten" an archaic word for queen? The only word I've ever used was die Königin.

[Eve]

Another fag-hag friend and I were having an e-mail compeition on whichof us was the biggest queen by exchanging obscure Marilyn Monroe lines. I won with "Only Royal Triton is good enough for Cynthia's little tummy."

[matt_mcl]

Originally Posted by Sampiro

I consider it offensive, but only to the woman. To me a fag-hag isn't a woman who has gay friends but one who seems to have gayness as a prerequisite to friendship and who is generally emotionally stunted in regular relationships- just not a thing you'd want to be.

God, no. It may have used to mean that, but now it just means a woman who has gay boy friends and who would make a good gay boy herself. Such as kung fu lola, for example.

[FriarTed]

Never heard dyke tyke or Dutch boy- I was always using "les-boy" for myself (another friend coined it).

"Dutch boy" tho implies we want to put our finger in said dyke....

WHICH WE DO!

[Kaitlyn]

Mrs. Six and I are hags, and I can echo Eve's sentiment; the "fag" is implied.

Dutch boy and dyke tyke are new ones, though. We need to get us one or two of those, if only to open the pickle jars and hang pictures for us.

I wonder how one goes about this? Want ads?

[matt_mcl]

Originally Posted by FriarTed

Never heard dyke tyke or Dutch boy- I was always using "les-boy" for myself (another friend coined it).

"Dutch boy" tho implies we want to put our finger in said dyke....

WHICH WE DO!

Speak for yourself.

[electrozion]

Originally Posted by chaoticdonkey

Is "Tunten" an archaic word for queen? The only word I've ever used was die Königin.

"Königin" is "Queen". "Tunte" could be "Queen" as in "Drag Queen", it can also just mean "gay".

[DMark]

Originally Posted by electrozion

"Königin" is "Queen". "Tunte" could be "Queen" as in "Drag Queen", it can also just mean "gay".

Right except the last part..."Schwul" (pronounced Shvool) is the socially accepted slang word for Gay, although most Germans understand the word Gay (especially Gay Germans). Homosexuel is the clinical word.

Tunte is "queen" in the Liberace sense of the word.

[saramamalana]

As a straight female who has and has had a bunch of gay male friends, I'm not offended if I were to be called a fag hag. Maybe it's because I'm involved in theater and music, but it's a term that's been comfortably bandied about among my friends.

As for straight-guy-who-hangs-out-with-lesbians, I recently heard "fag stag."

[Padeye]

What's the difference between a hag, tyke and a beard?

[Brandus]

Originally Posted by Padeye

What's the difference between a hag, tyke and a beard?

A beard is a hag that helps mask the fag's true sexual identity, fulfilling the "female" part in social outings. I've also heard it called "moustache".

[Tenar]

I was under the impression that a beard was anyone whose purpose was to obscure the relationship between other people. It might be a gay guy or gal's opposite-sex "date," but it could also be someone who is out with person "A" in order to keep people from noticing "A"'s illicit relationship with married person "B." No?

And, BTW, I second the idea that the proper description for a lot (no, not all) of hetero men who want to hang out with lesbians is "delusional."

[chaoticbear]

Originally Posted by DMark

Right except the last part..."Schwul" (pronounced Shvool) is the socially accepted slang word for Gay, although most Germans understand the word Gay (especially Gay Germans). Homosexuel is the clinical word.

Tunte is "queen" in the Liberace sense of the word.

Oh... see, I speak German, but never learned that word

[matt_mcl]

Originally Posted by Tenar

I was under the impression that a beard was anyone whose purpose was to obscure the relationship between other people. It might be a gay guy or gal's opposite-sex "date," but it could also be someone who is out with person "A" in order to keep people from noticing "A"'s illicit relationship with married person "B." No?

It originally meant a woman going out with a gay guy to help him stay closeted, but its use has generalized (much as with "significant other.")