So I get on the subway. I notice a very pretty Latino woman sitting there. Besides her beauty there are two other things I notice about her. One is that she has died her hair red. It’s looks a little strange, a little striking but good. The other thing is that on her lap is a cake box and I can see some cake covered with strawberries.
Then another guy gets on and sits next to her and her actually tries to chat her up. Trying to chat some woman up on the subway never works. (it may have, once, in the sixties) He sits down and starts talking.
Yummy
(no resonse)
Is that cheese cake?
Yes
Is it your birthday?
No it’s my grandmother’s.
Does she live in the Bronx?
No she lives in Manhattan.
So, should I have cut the guy open with an axe?
I mean, trying to do him a favor by swiftly ending his embarrassment or…WTF?
Man, sometimes I’m glad LA doesn’t have subways. (Yeah, yeah, I know…the Metro Rail. Hey, I live three blocks from the Gold Line. But it ain’t a real subway.)
Was there more to the story that I missed Zebra? 'Cause I gotta agree with Stranger, why exactly would you have cut him open with an axe at this point in the conversation?
And believe me, I’ve never been opposed to such a thing when it was appropriate.
No, you don’t chop him with an axe. The first rule of self-defense is to use what you have available. You didn’t have an axe and imaginary weapons are less effective than you may think.
If I were a woman, I would wait for the subway to jerk and then violently fall on him. He will be shocked and you can stay on top of him while making it look like he has a hold on you. When he tries to wrestle you away, make it look like he is trying to beat or strangle you. Scream “Help, this man says he is going to kill me and eat me. Please save me. Your children aren’t safe.” To avoid a Kitty Genovese like fate, yell that you will give sexual favors to any man that saves you.
In court, play up the story as much as you can and you will get a great measure of fame and support from everyone.
The woman with the cake will be eternally grateful for helping her out.
Where’s your damage, man? If a guy wants to chat a chick up, as long as he’s not getting violent and she’s not your girl, it’s none of your concern, no?
Unless you’re just mad 'cause he had the balls to have a go at it…And hey, sometimes a guy gets lucky, even on a bus or subway.
I’m familiar with the “We do not talk to strangers” (heh) rule on the Chicago EL, but…sometimes I think the whole thing has just gotten out of control, to the point that it’s rude to even acknowledge someone’s existance. I used to offer my seat to women (especially those carrying groceries or a child), but I found that she’d look at me as if I had an elephant emerging from my ear, and in the meantime some overweight, half-drunk commodities trader would steal the seat.
And people complain about LA’s “car culture”. sigh
The RED head was on her way to GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE with a BOX OF GOODIES.
The fact that Wolf in secondhand clothing was the first to respond made it even better.
But it really did happen.
I just found myself watching a fairy tale unfold right infront of me. If he switched to the express and then went and killed granny, I’m going to feel terrible.
