uh, what? No, really. What just happened?

The BBQ Pit
1

Lame, I am sure, and probably not pit fodder, but, man, I am just . . . bummed out.

See, when I grew up, I learned we have certain responsibilities, not because of circumstances, or civil conventions, but simply because we are people, and so are the other folks we meet. One of the obvious ones of those was some . . . not too stringent application of the example of the good Samaritan. Ok, I am gonna admit it, I am probably not going to bind the wounds of, transport, feed, and house someone simply because I find them in need. (I will feel some guilt, though, if I don’t do some damned thing.) And, I also feel that public acclaim, or reward is not a reasonable expectation for simply trying to alleviate the suffering of a stranger.

But.

I was walking down the street today. I heard a distressing human voice, although I could not understand exactly what the voice was saying. I stopped, and listened, and looked around. About ten or fifteen yards away was a woman, facing away from me, and yelling, in a highly distressed, tearful, and ragged edged voice. I realized she was speaking in a language unknown to me, but I still felt the impulse to come to her aid, if possible. So, I walked over. I spoke to her, but she did not seem to notice me. So, I moved in front of her, and spoke again. At that point I noticed she was talking on a phone.

Now, the fact is the phone alleviated a big part of my Samaritan impulse, and I was satisfied to simply ask, “Do you need any help?” She screamed something at me, and ran off. OK, I guess she didn’t need any help. Now for the part I don’t understand. I spent the next few minutes being accosted verbally, and (I assume from tone of voice and facial expression) berated harshly by four of five other people in the same language. The woman, phone still clutched to her ear was yelling, and pointing at me.

Where the fuck did that come from? I never touched her, never spoke to her other than to ask if she needed help. Now, I suppose, since I was traveling in the direction she ran, (Toward a grocery store, to which I had be walking) it is possible that she thought I was following her. Actually, her reaction, although totally irrational, didn’t bother me, she was fairly irrational when I first encountered her. It was the crowd of people “defending” her from my offer to help that has me confused. Now, I know that the language barrier exists, but I have real doubts that not one of the six people there were able to speak enough English to ask “What did you say to her?” But no one even cursed me in English. They continued to shout even as I left them behind.

Tris
The Mediocre Samaritan

2

Bigotry. You speak English. You must have been trying to rape her.

ETA: I’d love to go with just being misunderstood, and that they weren’t trying to berate, but be understood, but with the whole still yelling at you as you left, I don’t believe it.

3

I’m sorry.

I think you probably walked right into a cultural divide, where the woman was dealing with a personal issue, because she was so loud, everyone (but you) knew the details, and for some reason, they felt your offer of help was inappropriate.

Please don’t stop being a concerned human being. We need as many as we can get.

4

Walking the southern Swiss alps, I was surprised by how all the women I came across on the trails would greet me with a “mit anderern”, ensuring that I knew for certain that they were under someone else’s protection.
Whatever happened to you came from somewhere else.

5

Sounds like you encountered a cultural subgroup where people automatically assume that lone males from outside their culture repeatedly accosting lone females in their cultural group are Up To No Good.

I’m sorry your efforts to help were so rudely rebuffed, but I think it’s probably a safe bet that none of the other people in the situation had the faintest idea you were trying to help.

Irrational Woman thought you were Up To No Good and ran away from you, and then she told the four or five other people she met that you were Up To No Good, so naturally (from their point of view) they all told you off.

While I applaud your altruistic motives, I’m not sure it’s a good idea in general to keep trying to force your presence on the attention of a distressed stranger who doesn’t notice you because she’s yelling at someone else in another language. If she doesn’t understand what you’re saying, she can’t tell that you’re trying to help: she can only tell that you’re not leaving her alone.

6

Were there any ah, ethnic markers, some indication as to whether she might be Japanese, or Irish, or Italian, or lesbian, or Unitarian, or anything which might give a clue? Oh, and where did this happen?

7

Who knows? It sounds like there was something really emotional and distressing going on, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes we get so upset that we don’t act rationally, and a cultural/communication gap can make that even worse.

I don’t think this is any kind of reflection on society, just some too-raw emotions and bad timing.

8

a what?

9

It’s German for ‘with another,’ so they were letting him know that they were with someone there in the mountains, so any attacking/dismembering/stowing the remaining bloody bits of what was once human in the rocky crevices would be severely frowned upon.

10

I am sure that is a cross-cultural misunderstanding of some calibre. Miteinander or Miteinand’ in the context of a greeting is the Swiss German/Alemannic equivalent of the US Southern y’all, e.g.

  • stereotypical Swiss greeting: Gruezi miteinand’ i.e. Hello y’all
  • when greeting a group one can say e.g. Guten Morgen miteinander (the last word indicating that the greeting is not adressed to a particular person)
11

Would you say it to one person?

12

Likely you’re right. These cross-cultural communications are tricky devils, and when you combine that fact with high school German classes and Schweizerdeutsch accents, it’s a recipe for trouble.

13

Not me, (I am not a native Alemannic speaker), but expressions like Gruezi miteinand’ tend to be used beyond their literal meaning.

14

This situation was handled improperly.

The correct response to make when the woman started yelling at you was for you to grab your crotch, lean back, and hop forward about 6 inches. Do this possibly 2 or more times if possible. Screaming “Bitch,Bitch!” while you do this is also encouraged.

For the antagonistic onlookers you should have mooned them while using both hands to make moose antlers by your ears. You can scream, “Look at my hairy ass!” in a sing-songy little girl voice if you feel that lightening the mood is in order.
Glad to Help,
Bubba

15

Seriously? You don’t speak her language and she’s on the phone with someone who does speak her language? And there are other people who speak her language in the general vicinity? And you made several attempts to talk to her and she either didn’t notice you or ignored you? And you continued to accost her and yell at her in a language she doesn’t understand?

From her point of view, and possibly mine as well, you were the one acting like a crazy person. What good did you think you would be able to do?

16

It was a terrorist cell. The lady was being instructed to blow herself up and objected. The cell then chased you away, so you wouldn’t know what they were up to. Wasn’t it obvious now that I explained it?

17

*Today I am walking down street, use phone to talk to customer agent! Company made mistake, cancel wrong warranty! I say fix, he say no fix! He say I must buy new warranty! He make me very angry, so I shout! He say he no transfer me to manager! He is very rude, act like little general! Who he think he is, I shout! Then all of sudden, strange man standing in front of me saying something I not understand! Leave me alone, I say to him! He say something else, very strange words! I shout again, and brother and cousin and father and uncle, they also shout at crazy man!

Where come from all these crazy people?*

18

Thanks everyone.

On reflection, perhaps I should not have made the second offer of help. While I might think a public parking lot is a place where one cannot reasonably have an expectation of privacy, it is obviously true that many people believe a cell phone comes with its own “cone of silence.”

While the store was an ethnic specific grocery, I see little point in revealing the particular ethnicity, since I cannot imagine how that would be significant. The customers of the store are generally quite friendly to me, and I am a frequent shopper there.

I am pretty much going to just dismiss this as her having a really bad day, and me just being a target of opportunity with my interruption. I still am mystified by the family/friends since it is pretty much not likely that they thought I could understand them, and we were not in a place where it is likely that the Old White Guy speaks our language. Shrug. Well, obviously they were not seeking to communicate, and they didn’t.

Tris

19

I’ll tell you what makes me sad about this. Even though the OP was very careful to make no overt statements about the ethnicity of this group of people, I am somehow assuming that they are middle easterners of some type. Which I think really shows that the cultural poison is seeping in. Because all I need to hear is that there is a group of people acting in a way that seems loud, confrontational and seeming to create cultural conflict out of good intentions and I immediately assume that there is some middle east connection. It really makes me quite sad.

20

How does this even come up in this situation? I don’t think either the expectation of privacy or the “cone of silence” are relevant here. This is a stranger who is in no apparent danger is having an emotionally heated conversation on the telephone that you don’t understand. What kind of assistance did you even think you could offer? And even if there was something, why would you persist after first being ignored?

I think this is the wrong lesson. I’m still mystified as to what kind of assistance you thought you could offer when you didn’t understand her language but there were other people around who did and she gave no indication that she needed or wanted your assistance anyway.

I have an idle curiosity regarding whether your behavior would have been different if this person on the phone had been a man instead of a woman.

I still am mystified by the family/friends since it is pretty much not likely that they thought I could understand them, and we were not in a place where it is likely that the Old White Guy speaks our language. Shrug. Well, obviously they were not seeking to communicate, and they didn’t.