Was this racist of me?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Here’s a random encounter I had last night that I’m not sure what to make of; tell me what you think of it:

It’s about 10pm on Sunday (6/22). I’m walking along 12th street toward Union Square to catch a train. While waiting to cross the street, a woman wearing slightly disheveled clothing approaches me.

“Excuse me sir, could you possibly assist me?” she says.

I’m tired and slightly cranky, and this seems like an all-too familiar routine. So I snap back “I don’t have any spare change.”

“What?? I didn’t ask you for anything. You don’t know what I was gonna ask. You think that just because I’m BLACK I’m a panhandler? Is that it? Would you tell that to a WHITE woman who asked you a question?” she spits out at me with some genuine fury.

Suddenly I feel very awkward. While this woman’s clothes are rumpled, they’re not in tatters. (Frankly, my own clothes are just as wrinkled as hers.) She doesn’t stink, or look especially thin like a junkie might. Maybe she was just going to ask me directions somewhere; I think I did leap to the conclusion that she was a homeless panhandler based solely on her skin color. Guilt pangs well up inside me.

“I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” I say sheepishly.

“The hell you shouldn’t!” she rails indignantly.

“Um, what can I do for you?”

“See, I just lost my job and have three kids I got to feed, and don’t want them to starve, so I need some money-”

“NO. I’m still not giving you money,” I cut her off. By now, the light has changed and I bolt away.

“The hell you won’t! You racist A–hole! Just make assumptions ‘cause I’m black? F—in’ RACIST! You say that to a WHITE woman would ya?? F— you, you RACIST!” and on and on. She doesn’t follow me but yells at me loud enough that people down the block are staring. Even when I reach the corner of the next block I can hear her yelling.

Soooooo…she was a panhandler after all. I’m certainly not going to cry myself to sleep over the matter, but… I did initially dismiss her without even giving it much thought. I’d like to think that, having lived in NYC for 14 years, I just have a sixth-sense for when people are going to ask for a hand-out. But on the other hand, I can’t honestly say for sure that if she had been caucasian, I wouldn’t have instantly snapped at her the way I did.

In fact, I recall about a week ago that a white woman DID stop and ask me for directions on the street, and I didn’t instantly take her for a panhandler. There were a few differences in the situation though - it was the middle of the day, in a busy intersection, and the woman in question was an elderly lady who had the markings of a tourist (European accent, shopping bags, an “I <heart> New York” T-shirt that no true NYC resident would be caught dead wearing., etc.)
So what are you’re reactions to this? Just curious to know some impartial opinions.

2

You’re fine. Panhandlers spend as much time learning ways to ask for money and to guilt people into giving it as you do on your regular job.
“Excuse me, sir…” tells me it is a panhandler regardless of race, color, creed or any other “ism.”

3

White, black, red or brown, someone approaches me on the street with “excuse me, can you help” my response is “I don’t carry cash, sorry.” I don’t see anything racist in what you said/did. Just sounds to me like you know the routine well enough by now and the panhandler thought she could guilt you into handing over your hard-earned cash. Screw her, you did nothing wrong.

4

I agree that he was not out of line, but if I need to stop someone on the street I will always start with “Excuse me sir/ma’am”. It’s just good manners.

5

I don’t see anything at all that was racist about that. Your instincts were correct. Skin colour had nothing to do with it.

I live in a rural area. Last week I had to go “downtown” to run some errands. I almost never go downtown anymore and had really almost genuinely forgotten how much I detest being asked for “spare” change. I kind of know as I’m being approached what the question will be. I avoid eye contact, keep moving, and don’t offer any apologies for saying no.

6

Ignore the guilt trip. It’s old and tired. Your instincts were right.

Sucks if you’re black and really do need help. Really sucks.

7

You’re the only person who could possibly know if her skin color had anything at all to do with your reaction.

Based on your description, given the neighborhood and your glimpse of her appearance and her tone, it seems like you had every reason to assume she was a panhandler. And, as it turns out, you were right.

8

No, you just sensed she was a panhandler.

Something somebody once said in a thread about “was I suckered” (answer: yes!) that I find useful in daily life: people in real trouble are either panicked (“My baby! That man took my baby!”) or embarassed and specific (“Um, hi - do you have any jumper cables?”) People in real trouble never start out telling you about their family or any other long story; they get out their problem right away. Not that you had any problem refusing her, of course, but applying this metric is, in my experience, 100% effective. “Hey man, I ain’t one of those bums…” means yes, you are one of those bums. “Excuse me, ma’am, I served in the Army for ten years…” or “Ma’am, I got three kids in Charleston…” means keep walking.

People telling you something that you need to know will be equally succinct. “Ma’am, your skirt is tucked into your pantyhose.” “Hey, your car is on fire!” “Hey, is that guy bothering you?”

9

Punchline from old joke in another thread:

Duck: Got any nails?
Bartender: No.
Duck: Got a hammer?
Bartender: No.
Duck: Got any grapes?

Re: my reaction…not living in NYC I don’t get the full onslaught, but I’ve seen some panhandling. You can’t honestly say that if she were white you would have reacted that way, but you can’t honestly say that if she were white you would NOT have reacted the same way.

I wouldn’t let yourself lose sleep over it. For whatever reason, you picked up the signals and you were right. Case closed; don’t borrow trouble.

10

Okay, I’m going to go out on a little limb, here, but first let me say that, having been in NYC for so long, your instincts have likely been honed to some kind of perfection, hence your correct guess in this instance that this woman was indeed a panhandler.

Now, having said that, your refreshingly honest remark here:

indicates that your assumption may very well have been bolstered by this woman’s race.

That you realize this and are concerned about it speaks very highly of your character as far as I’m concerned. Shit, I’d rather have your OP than the “Oh, I couldn’t POSSIBLY be racist in ANY WAY” delusional protestations that too many people labor under. (And that, unfortunately, some of the posters in this thread apparently want *you * to labor under.)

(Before anyone decides to pit me–well, as much as one is allowed to pit someone in IMHO–I’m referring here to my belief that racism isn’t always a black/white extreme, but rather often operates in even decent, non-"R"acist people, on an incremental scale.)

As **Asimovian ** said, only you can really know what’s in your heart, but if you truly feel that this woman’s race may have caused you to judge her harshly (although, as you came to find out, correctly)…well, there’s no magic answer. All I can advise you to do is what we must all do–continue to do whatever difficult and potentially painful soul-searching and self-correction are necessary until the impulse becomes more managable.

And in case it’s not obvious, I don’t think this makes you an evil person. The fact that you’re even worried about it at all speaks to what I’m guessing is your basic goodness. Thank you for allowing us to see that part of you. Really.

11

I pretty much assume anyone stopping me on the street is a panhandler unless they have a map out and are looking confused, or traveling with a group - regardless of what they start with.

Ditto what Zsofia said - if they start with a long winded story, they’re going to end by asking for money. “Which way to the Sears Tower?” gets a straight answer. “Excuse me ma’am, I was on my way to a shelter because my boyfriend kicked me out…” gets a “Sorry, no.”

12

Pluck and Asimovian pretty much nailed it. I’m not surprised that you thought that you might have had a different reaction if the woman was White. Cutting edge sociological research suggests that we’re all somewhat inclined to trust and give the benefit of the doubt to people in our group. It also seems as if the woman gave a lot of signals that she was panhandling and you read them pretty well.

I’ve actually done the same thing… to a Black man (and I’m Black). He was pretty upset and said he just wanted change. Maybe he did, and I assumed wrongly. I didn’t feel great about that exchange but I certainly didn’t spend a lot of time beating myself up over it… I tend to go places in a hurry, and I am not a fan of the long story chit-chat if I don’t know you. Whatever you need, say it quick or I’m assuming you’re up to no good. Especially at night.

13

[Dice]
God forbid you ask somebody for the time in this city. God for-f&ckin’-bid.
[/Dice]

14

No, not racist. No need to soul search, your mind makes different associations depending on how people look. It’s very natural.

15

yer killin’ me here :slight_smile:

16

Some people either play up the race angle to get what they want, or are just hypersensitive. One time when I was working at Domino’s at the register when a couple of black kids wanted to pay for a pizza with a $100 bill. Now, the register probably should have had enough money to cover it, but since walk-ins were rare the manager didn’t usually keep very much money in it. I checked, and sure enough it didn’t. I said, “I’m sorry, do you have a smaller bill-” and one of the kids launched into a tirade about how I was racist and wouldn’t serve him because he was black and yadda yadda. The manager had to make change with one of the delivery drivers.

17

Panhandlers come in all shades, types and fashionable (or not) attire. There is a definite aura about them that you can just sense. Most of them are skilled and have been doing it for a long time, they’ve got a way of approaching that is very “panhandlerish”. Something in the way the eyes look etc.

The “lady” in your OP was playing the race card in the hopes that she could play on your guilt, if not to get money then to try and make you feel bad.

18

Its just as difficult when you are black, too. Panhandlers assume that because I’m black I’ll just accept whatever BS they spew. I’ll help anyone in genuine trouble, but i’m not made of money and I don’t like giving it away. Especially to the likes of:

The guy that used to run up to my car with a plastic bucket and dishrag when I stopped at the local liquor store and start washing the windshield. He acted like I was obligated to give him some money even when I asked him to leave my car alone. Not only was he young, fit and healthy enough to work but there was a Help Wanted sign directly behind him in the liquor store window.

The guy with the ridiculous story about needing bus fare that was twice the normal bus fare. Apparently he had to take a special bus because he was afraid of water and the normal bus route went over the potomac. :rolleyes: . this nimrod was also young, and fit and seemed to think that I was just going to buy whatever crap he was saying. He gets special distinction since he did it 3 times on 3 seperate days not recognizing me from the other times. He finally vanished from sight when he called a female officer I was riding with “Man”, mistaking her for guy because of her short hair. (I guess the boobs didn’t clue him in)

The guy that assumed that since we were both black I would fudge paperwork so he could rejoin the army (I was a recruiter at the time). What made him especially hate-worthy was that he lied enough to be eligible (until his reocrds from his discharge became available) and he actually had the nerve to ask me to use my credit card to rent a car for him so he didn’t have to walk everywhere.

19

Just put on his bill.

20

I’m not going to give details, but I play WoW (you have no idea where the people talking to you are black, white, polka-dotted, male, female, intersexed, aliens from another country, aliens from outer space or your next door neighbor) and a trick some gold sellers use is initiating a normal conversation that looks like someone asking for help, then offering to sell you gold.

I can tell it’s a gold seller as soon as I see the opening line because they adress me in a way that a normal player asking for help wouldn’t.

So, same as I can tell that Saralittle, level 1 gnome warrior, is going to be a goldseller, but Annalittle, level 1 gnome warrior, is going to want some directions, just based on their opening line, I reckon it’s perfectly possible that you were able to recognize this woman as a panhandler from the way she carried herself and that the color of her skin had actually nothing to do with anything.