I was walking home earlier today - after lunch - when it started raining. I had an umbrella and offered to share it with a lady who had been caught out and was sheltering. And instead of accepting or politely declining she shrank back. How sad it is that a woman feels she cannot share the umbrella of a man. How much sadder it is that she was afraid.
That’s a perfectly sensible reaction if you’re a stranger to her. Giving unasked-for help is something straight out of The Gift of Fear.
Were you wearing pants?
I was sure this was going to be a golf thread. You did say short walk, though. Maybe a putt-putt thread.
“… and so, rebuffed by humanity, the Penguin turned to a solitary life of crime.”
Upon further reflection after my flippant comment (which is pretty much how my whole life operates), I think that were I really concerned about the lady getting wet I would have just offered to loan her the umbrella and let her make the suggestion that we share. Sharing an umbrella does seem to me to be a bit more intimate than a nod and smile.
These days I am surprised and delighted if someone merely returns a smile.
As a (late middle aged) NY area native I wouldn’t expect a positive reaction if I made such an offer and wouldn’t, to preempt awkwardness. Give somebody my umbrella who seemed much more troubled by the rain, OK; offer to share a cab I got to first in the rain, that I’ve done and most people have I think. It’s not as likely to be considered creepy, and you could always just say ‘well you take it’ if the share offer is declined. But also depends on age (I feel less tension in female strangers’ reaction to me as as I’ve aged), dress (less in a suit), etc.
For the past couple of decades, I’ve noticed that females will not even make eye contact with me in the supermarket or library. It’s a USA thing.
But when traveling overseas (even Canada!), women are perfectly open and willing to graciously accept a courtesy or a social acknowledgement, or even a quick hug. (But I have not been in western Europe, so I can’t speak to that.) I even got a hug from an Indonesian girl in a hijab. An Emirates flight attendant asked me for a hug when I got off the plane.
It’s an over reaction to simple offer. She could have easily declined without shrinking back in fear.
Do you wear pants?
No, I go out and hit on chicks in my undies. Do you suppose that’s the problem?
No, I go out and hit on chicks in my undies. Do you suppose that’s the problem?
Can’t help asking – when yu turn around and head back to port, do you rekayak?
And how they got in your undies, you’ll never know.
It could be. Those stained tidy-whities limit your pool of possible successes.
Next time go with the blue ones with Sponge Bob on them.
I never turn around; always circumnavigate until back where I started. See the world!
That is a bit disheartening, Quartz, but please don’t let that stop you from offering your kindness in the future. If I were caught in the rain I would gladly share an umbrella (as long as the owner was wearing pants).
I fidget a lot in my chair, so, yes I do.
I’ve seen you make unpleasant, misogynistic posts in the past, and when people on the board have called you out on it, you firmly defend your stance.
So I don’t doubt that you give off major creep vibes in real life. No wonder she shrank back in terror. The fact that you feel outraged and entitled that she didn’t want to share your umbrella says something about you, too.
Cite?
Outraged and entitled? You’re inventing; I feel saddened.